Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it sad to go to the bar/pub on your own?

64 replies

username300 · 06/02/2019 19:54

Sat night: is it sad to go out for a drink or two on your own?

OP posts:
sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 06/02/2019 23:52

Not saying I do this all the time, but you know how there's always one old bloke sitting at the bar in every local, reading the newspaper? I am on first name terms with about eight of them now (I have a lot of local pubs close to me).

I fucking love going to the pub on my own, it's great. I never take a book or newspaper, just my notebook, it being my observance that people will happily interrupt you if you're reading on your own, but won't if you seem to be engaged in doing something. As PP said, pubs that are more foody are a better bet for a slightly less frenetic atmosphere. Bloody well go for it. It's lovely when I wander in and Random Old Bloke says 'Evening Sadeyed, haven't seen you for a while', I nod back, we chat a little, then I take my pint off to a corner. Nothng sad or scary about it at all Smile

artio0 · 07/02/2019 00:03

Of course not, go for it!

Gone out for drinks, meals and Friday night piss ups on my own myself. Taught me a lot about society and myself ha ha.

Lockheart · 07/02/2019 00:03

I go on entire holidays on my own. To other countries and everything. I think it’s bliss.

(I also love holidaying with partners / family / friends, but solo travelling and being able to do whatever the fuck you want is a unique joy).

Go to the bar. If you don’t like it, leave! If you do, stay. That’s the beauty of not having to consult anyone else.

PBo83 · 07/02/2019 13:11

I'm a man (I often get slated for opening with this but I think it's relevant in this case).

When I first moved to my current town (to be with my, now, wife) I didn't really know anyone in the area. I ventured into the local pub (well, I ventured into three actually and took my pick).

The first time I went in, I got randomly chatting to a man about a dog (really) and I've been going there regularly ever since. I've built a good group of friends from all different walks of life and it's great to know that, if I feel like I need an hour away then there's people I can talk to.

I understand that this is different to your situation but I think it's relevant so please hear me out.

From speaking with female friends, what puts a lot of women off going to pubs alone is this expectation that they'll be full of drunk blokes, being crude and that you'll get 'hit on' a lot.

Walk into my local and see myself and the other regulars and we look like the nightmare described above: a bunch of beer-swilling bar flies who hate newcomers in 'our' pub, have never seen a woman before and are likely to shout and swear and be, well, blokey (in a bad sense). THIS is what (again, only in my experience and from talking to female friends) puts women off going to pubs alone. The truth is this:

  • I'm a married IT professional with a stepdaughter, both to whom I am committed (but my work attire is exclusively hoodies and caps and I drink Stella so, at a glance, I look like a thug)
  • That big, tattoo'd guy in the high-vis who's swearing like a trooper. He's the nicest guy you'll meet and, the second a lady walks in the pub, will turn the volume down and moderate his language (you could say patronising, I say respectful and old fashioned).
  • The old boy at the end of the bar who looks like a permanent fixture, he's a volunteer coach at the local kids football team, never has more than three pints and is incredibly shy.
  • If you come and sit near us and pull out a book, we'll keep the noise down and wouldn't think of talking to you if you want to be left alone (you'll probably get a pleasant 'hello' though).
  • If you'd rather chat then, trust me, our range of conversation DOES extend beyond beer, football and 'birds' (SIC). In fact, our shabby-looking group, includes postmen, an architec, a couple of businessmen, a banker, trademen, a retired couple etc. So there's never a shortage of conversation.
  • Oh, and when we look round when you walk through the door, this isn't meant to be intimidating, we just wonder if it's an old friend or a potential new one.

Sorry, I've rambled. I just think it's a real shame that so many women don't want to venture into pubs on their own, after all, it is a PUBLIC house and trust me, in my experience, everyone is welcome.

AngelaHodgeson · 07/02/2019 13:18

You have just reminded me how much I used to love doing this. When I was living in flatshares and needed peace and quiet I'd grab a book and head to a bar or coffee place. Now I live alone I don't do it anymore, but I'm gonna start again.

Thanks for reminding me!

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 07/02/2019 13:24

I'm fine when travelling and fine when I've got my dog. However never feel confident enough in my local area. When travelling it's obvious Ive got to eat/ drink. When with the dog I feel like I look as if I have a purpose. To sit alone in my local area I'd be worried that people would think I was friendless

WitsEnding · 07/02/2019 13:27

I do, probably once a week (either somewhere I know, or one where there is entertainment I'm interested in). Female, mid 50s, done it since my 20s. I'm now irritatingly invisible when queuing at the bar but rarely hassled - perhaps twice a year, and I'm a grown-up and can cope.

IME I have a much better time when I'm not drinking alcohol, and I usually stick to soft drinks when out on my own. Many pubs now sell tea and coffee.

CalmDownPacino · 07/02/2019 13:32

I do this a lot. Absolutely love it. Nothing better than sitting with a glass of wine people watching.

PBo83 · 07/02/2019 15:00

I'm loving the fact that this thread's gone quiet...I like to think that everyone has gone to the pub!

Actually...is that the time?...

username300 · 09/02/2019 13:35

Thanks for the replies everyone!

Tonight is the night and I'm definitely not sure if I'm brave enough to do it. I'm only a young female so don't want to stand out like a sore thumb like I'm sure a 50-odd year old man wouldn't!

OP posts:
ketchupormayo · 09/02/2019 14:22

I love it I go with a book and a few glasses of wine it's amazing! Do it OP you'll have a great time!

ketchupormayo · 09/02/2019 14:23

I'm mid 20s so not a 50 year old man 😂

ILikeyourHairyHands · 09/02/2019 14:28

Go! I met my husband by doing exactly this!

IndigoSpritz · 10/02/2019 12:47

username300. How was it ?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.