To feel like I’ve failed as a parent

[Nowwhenitrains]

2 DC’s - 18 months and 3 years old.

Really can’t take it anymore. I’m always shouting, they misbehave. I dread waking up in the morning!

They don’t listen to me and it drives me insane. I feel like I’m in a black hole that I can’t get out of and there’s not 1 minute of peace. I can’t even leave the room without something happening.

Sometimes I wish I could go to bed and block the whole day out. I’m trying to eat healthy, but fuck it! At least eating junk provides me with 2 minutes of pleasure even if they are all over me wanting some!!

I’m a bad parent. Good ones don’t feel this way, shout at their kids, just not want them here even for an hour

I feel like mentally I’m screaming out for something but not sure what.

Sorry for rambling

I have got a 4 year old (well he’s 5 next month) and an 18 month old and Good God some days are horrendous!!!!!

I totally lose my shit sometimes and can’t help but shout!! It’s very, very rare they push me to breaking point but some days I just can’t take their arguing, crying, shouting, stomping, refusals, screaming etc etc anymore and I explode a little!

Like you, sometimes I dread the thought of dealing with them together on my own because it can be such hard work.

When they are apart they are equally brilliant and a pleasure to be around but when they’re together they really are double trouble!!

My husband is going away for 8 days next month and I’m dreading it! In order to make it more bearable I have actually booked the children in for three days childcare even though I’m not at work. I think three days of it just being me is going to be necessary to give me the emotional strength to deal with the other five days.

Don’t be hard on yourself OP because parenting is hard work and dealing with more than one child at any one time is a bloody nightmare!

I've been recommended a book called how to talk so little kids will listen, I found the older version quite helpful, might be worth a read for tips on ways to get them cooperating?

I'm glad you're feeling better OP. I'm stuck in a rut too and feel I'm shouting more than ever (I'm a year ahead of you though with 2.5 and 4yo).

My eldest has been at preschool in the mornings since September and I haven't sorted a new afternoon routine yet. They have access to crafts etc and we read together but I am noticing stress levels increasing amongst us all and I do think we're all finding the long afternoons boring.

So thank you for starting your thread! I've spent the afternoon searching new groups which start in the afternoon and new parks to travel to now I'm driving etc. I'm feeling really positive!

If you make up a routine I wouldn't mind you sharing so I can get some more inspiration and motivation

@AmIOTTconcerned

Yes I definitely think it’s the afternoons that are the hardest, here as well. Aww I’m so glad you’ve found this helpful, it’s good to know other parents have benefited from this too. And yes I will be sharing

I do have a basic routine planned.
Morning: 7.30 ish - 8.30 - play
8.30 breakie ( 3 year old would probably want to watch tv as well 🤦🏻‍♀️)
9/10.00 - 12.00 - playgroup if there is one on. If not then arts and crafts, perhaps

Afternoon: 12.00 - 1.00 - reading and building blocks, then lunch
2.00 -4.00 - go out, do something. Stop the madness 😂 then dinner at 5.00

Evening: 5.30 onwards - bit of tv, then a play/read and bed at 7/7.30.

Will take them out to Poundland tomorrow (lucky them ) to get some arts and crafts stuff, before my dad comes

girliefriend I’ve applied but I have zero references. Have applied for voluntary positions to get said references and to do something, but they want references. Honestly I’ve only been out of work for 3.5 years and It’s fucked me up.

I’m with you OP.

Mine are just turned 2 and just turned 4. Feel like all I do is moan and shout at the pair of them. “Stop fighting! Put that down! Don’t spill that juice!” Etc etc. It grinds you down. I go to bed every night feeling rubbish.

For me the hardest thing is that I can’t find anything that they can do together. When DD2 was tiny I could take them places like the science centre because she’d snooze in her buggy while I spent some decent time with DD1 but we can’t do that any more. Soft play also doesn’t work as our local one is enormous and I can’t watch both of them at the same time.

DD1 doesn’t really get to do crafts etc which she loves because DD2 screams to be involved and then wrecks it.

The result is that they watch more tv than I am happy with (although even that’s a battle ground now as they fight over Peppa or Paw Patrol).

Also I hate it when people say get them outside regardless of the weather. The rain here (north of Scotland) was horizontal at points today. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I have no useful advice. I just wanted to say that I understand.

Haha yeah when the weather is awful you don’t have much of a choice but to stay in and go daft.

I hate shopping with my 3 year old as he steals things and I then have to pay. Going to Poundland today for supplies was a nightmare!!!!

In regards to the tv, I’m definitely with you on that. I was very much a ‘no tv for any children I have blah blah blah’ nowadays they’re sat there most of the day. Today has been a glorious day though.

So thank you MNetters, you made such a massive difference. Life isn’t such a slog today.

Glad you are feeling a bit better OP

I have twins who are almost 3.5 and it is a tough age. They are so determined to be independent (but obviously not old enough to do many things on your own) but squabble ALL THE BLOODY TIME a lot. With just one DC I wouldn't mind going to more places (including the dreaded soft play) but with two it's impossible.

A routine has saved us really - out of the door by 10am to do something on days with no preschool, lunch, then out again by 2ish for a good hour. Usually for us it's local parks because I just find it too hard to do other groups. Have you tried your local children's centre though? They were brilliant for me when my DC were little, would always help out, but sadly all the groups in my area have been scaled back due to 'restructuring'

Oh and yes, shopping with toddlers is a nightmare - if they're not putting their own bits in the trolley then they're tantrumming/ demanding to go to the park - poundshop.com is now my friend!!

And if it's possible, could you look at swimming lessons for your older DC? Mine are going to start soon now they've turned 3, as they don't need an adult in the pool at that age. Financially it will be a bit of a stretch but now we're not paying for childcare any more it's doable. You could take your younger DC in the pool at the same time or just spend a bit of time with them playing in the cafe or whatever? And hopefully it will tire out your older DC

Sorry if this already been mentioned but you can get free nursery hours from 3 could u do that for the eldest? I know it helped me

I have a 9yo and 3.5yo but felt very much the same... Obviously 9yo is in school and 3.5yo is at nursery every afternoon, but prior to Sept it was really depressing for me during the day, so relentless.

We use the TV a lot and the iPad. However I feel a bit better with DS playing learning apps or watching Cbeebies, where the content is at least slightly educational. We have a pen that DS can use with the iPad so he's actually writing his letters with a pen rather than his finger. He's doing great at nursery due to all the practise at home!!!

Try several playgroups. I've been involved with our church one and we work really hard to make new people welcome and are always happy to play with the children while the parent has a cuppa and adult chat in peace. Keep looking for one that suits you too.

I also paid for off-peak council gym membership. They have a creche. You only get 1hr 15mins once a day, but I would drive there straight from the school run (so didn't go home and not leave the house again!), and actually DS really enjoyed it once he settled in. I ultimately got to do some exercise/swim and time on my own. I particularly liked to swim so I could have a shower in peace Was totally worth it for about £30 a month.

I've not been in work for 4 years but I'm a parent governor at school which gives me something to put on application forms, especially regarding confidentiality and knowing about safeguarding. Now DS is in nursery I help out at school. Again, it's about having something to talk about on an application form. I've had a few interviews, yet to get a job but the more time I have to do volunteer work, the more things I can talk about.

I have a 9yo and 3.5yo but felt very much the same... Obviously 9yo is in school and 3.5yo is at nursery every afternoon, but prior to Sept it was really depressing for me during the day, so relentless.

We use the TV a lot and the iPad. However I feel a bit better with DS playing learning apps or watching Cbeebies, where the content is at least slightly educational. We have a pen that DS can use with the iPad so he's actually writing his letters with a pen rather than his finger. He's doing great at nursery due to all the practise at home!!!

Try several playgroups. I've been involved with our church one and we work really hard to make new people welcome and are always happy to play with the children while the parent has a cuppa and adult chat in peace. Keep looking for one that suits you too.

I also paid for off-peak council gym membership. They have a creche. You only get 1hr 15mins once a day, but I would drive there straight from the school run (so didn't go home and not leave the house again!), and actually DS really enjoyed it once he settled in. I ultimately got to do some exercise/swim and time on my own. I particularly liked to swim so I could have a shower in peace Was totally worth it for about £30 a month.

I've not been in work for 4 years but I'm a parent governor at school which gives me something to put on application forms, especially regarding confidentiality and knowing about safeguarding. Now DS is in nursery I help out at school. Again, it's about having something to talk about on an application form. I've had a few interviews, yet to get a job but the more time I have to do volunteer work, the more things I can talk about.

Sorry post button was broken, clicked it too many times

I remember those days well and it was 20 years ago! I got mine some wellies and waterproof dungarees and we went for a walk whatever the weather. It wasn't pleasant sometimes but it got rid of their excess energies!

The other thing I learned (by child 3!) was that they NEED to learn to play on their own. As parents we tend to feel we have to be doing stuff with them all the time but they need time alone to learn how to a) do things for themselves and b) use their imagination ! Obviously I'm not talking about locking them in a room for hours here, but they can play in one room whilst you have a quiet cuppa in another for half an hour! tbh their attention span wouldn't last much longer than that but it used to be a heavenly half hour for me.

Another thing I learned (by child 3!) was to let them sort out their own battles and only step in if it became too violent! nine times out of ten, the raised voices disappeared much more quickly than if I had gone in to resolve the issue.

Your church playgroup sounds lovely Purple! I've been to some (including a twins group) which were really unwelcoming and no-one offered to give me a hand, even when the DTs were very small. Understandably I didn't go back.....

Both your DC might enjoy something like a music group OP? The teacher will just adjust to suit everybody. We used to go to a great one before my DC got their free childcare hours, it was aimed at slightly older children but younger siblings were welcome.

I also went to a Tumble Tots group as my DC tried some of their equipment at a local event and loved it. The teacher was great but there just wasn't enough support for anyone who had more than one DC. And the other parents were horrid and didn't talk to me at all. Such a shame - we never went back!

All totally normal. Get out of the house. Cabin fever is a bitch.

Don’t worry. We’ve all been there. It’s okay to love the bones of them and also not want to be alone with them.