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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being taken advantage of as an aupair

48 replies

Lb28 · 06/02/2019 11:58

Hello I just need some advance.

I’m an aupair working in Italy. I come from South Africa and I was brought up by really strict parents and I’m a very hardworking individual. I came to Italy to travel shortly after I finished my degree.

I’m quite unhappy with my situation and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of but not sure 😅. We agreed that I would work from 7-8 am and then 3pm to bedtime which is now usually 10 or 11pm which I find really late. But I often have to spend extra time in the mornings cleaning the kitchen anything from 1 hour to 3 hours extra because the family leaves washing to hang up and fold. I also usually clean the whole kitchen because the floor is always left dirty, dishes and crumbs everywhere. Then I set the table for lunch and I always help with lunch. I always clean up after lunch alone usually so generally this adds anther hour or two to my working hours. Before I am suppose to start work at 3 pm ! It also brothers me that I have to go to sleep so late every night! And of course after dinner I also clean almost everything. I am also solely responsible for packing and unpacking the dishwasher. Ontop of this the children are very hard work. They are 12 and 15 year old boys despite their age I must force them to shower, brush their teeth, put on deodorant, brush their hair, put shampoo on their heads before they get into the shower. I also teach them English during the weekdays. They are quite rude. They have very bad manners and rarely say please and thank you. I have to pick up after them all the time. One of them has hit me (15 year old) and the other sometimes kicks me. The throw tantrums and cry when they have to do homework or shower. I only get Sundays off but I often still do things for them on Sundays. I also do a lot of other smaller tasks.

Please help I’m so frustrated

OP posts:
Santaclarita · 06/02/2019 12:01

Er yeah run away and find a different job. You're being abused. The teenagers hit and kick you.

Stressedout10 · 06/02/2019 12:02

Quit now

Wellonlyifihaveto · 06/02/2019 12:02

Get out pronto, tell your agency you’re being mistreated that’s no way to be living/working. Sounds awful

Hadalifeonce · 06/02/2019 12:04

Oh my goodness, you really need to find yourself a different position, the family are abusing you, and the children are violent to you.

Please, please get yourself a new job.

Sakeofpete · 06/02/2019 12:07

Bloody hell.. You YANBU at all!
It was bad enough until I got the the part about the boys.. No way should you be putting up with that. Please find another job if you can
Best of luck

Pissedoffdotcom · 06/02/2019 12:08

Yeah get out now. No way should you be putting up with the abuse, everything else is irrelevant

Lb28 · 06/02/2019 12:09

I also get paid late always !

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 06/02/2019 12:12

I had a similar situation many years ago. Ask the agency to move you. Give the shortest notice possible to the current family, try to do it after gettIng paid, and lock any valuables in your suitcase or take them to a friend’s house.

Butterpup · 06/02/2019 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oreoxoreo · 06/02/2019 12:16

I've had aupairs and I don't treat them like that. Find a better host.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 06/02/2019 12:16

What everyone else said. Yes, you are being taken advantage of.

Mia184 · 06/02/2019 12:16

I used to be an au pair and your description sounds terrible!

Can you look for a different family in Italy? I changed my host family in the U.S. after half a year and I'm glad I did. If I had gone home instead, I would have had mostly negative memories. My second family was fantastic and I even stayed for another year.

JemSynergy · 06/02/2019 12:19

I would have left as soon as the boy hit me. Totally unacceptable! Seems a horrible environment. I'd start looking for a new position elsewhere.

dinkystinky · 06/02/2019 12:25

Call the agency right now - tell them everything you've said in your post. Ask them to find you a new position elsewhere. And get paid up to date then quit. They are treating you like a slave.

If you're not there through an agency, fidn a friend to go stay with, quit right now and get paid to date and get out of there asap.

tempester28 · 06/02/2019 12:26

Yes! you should quit straight away if they have hit you.

AryaStarkWolf · 06/02/2019 12:29

Those teenagers sound like toddlers, wtf? Get out of there

FrenchJunebug · 06/02/2019 12:35

an au pair should not be employed as a cleaner! leave.

halfwitpicker · 06/02/2019 12:37

Er, leave, pronto mama

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 06/02/2019 12:37

get another job and leave pronto. I might even do a runner if it's easier than handing in notice. They are taking the piss.

Travis1 · 06/02/2019 12:39

The 15 year old hit you?? Get out now.

winsinbin · 06/02/2019 12:41

nothing about this is ok. Maybe if you had spoken up right from the start and laid down some clear boundaries you might have been able to stop it happening but it sounds like it’s too late for that. Leave now as I doubt things will improve at this stage.

Mix56 · 06/02/2019 12:42

They are basically using you as a cleaner.
Leave.

mcmooberry · 06/02/2019 12:47

Total abuse of you. Leave. Another family would love a hard working au pair like you and wouldn't expect anything like that. You are supposed to do around 6 hours a day I think (maybe less). In the UK a lot of au pair's work with younger children so bedtime would be 7 or 8pm not 11!!
This makes my blood boil just hearing about it!!

MargoLovebutter · 06/02/2019 12:48

Do you have any written agreement from the agency or family about how many hours you should be working or anything at all like that?

If you do, then you can very easily show the agency where the agreement is being broken.

If you don't you should still explain to the agency the unacceptable expectations and physical abuse you are enduring.

No matter what though, you should leave this family. It sounds awful.

blueshoes · 06/02/2019 12:48

You have to leave for all the reasons said. What is particularly bad is being subject to violence by a 15 year old - he must be taller than you! How is that acceptable. Did you tell the parents.

As for having to get them to shower, put shampoo and brush their teeth, that is just grim. At that age, they should be doing all that by themselves. The 15 year old is undergoing puberty and no way you would want to be anywhere near his unclothed body. My 12 year son won't be happy about that either and is starting to develop a sense of privacy.

This is horrible. Please get out. That is no place for a young woman.