Am I being taken advantage of as an aupair

[Lb28]

Hello I just need some advance.

I’m an aupair working in Italy. I come from South Africa and I was brought up by really strict parents and I’m a very hardworking individual. I came to Italy to travel shortly after I finished my degree.

I’m quite unhappy with my situation and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of but not sure 😅. We agreed that I would work from 7-8 am and then 3pm to bedtime which is now usually 10 or 11pm which I find really late. But I often have to spend extra time in the mornings cleaning the kitchen anything from 1 hour to 3 hours extra because the family leaves washing to hang up and fold. I also usually clean the whole kitchen because the floor is always left dirty, dishes and crumbs everywhere. Then I set the table for lunch and I always help with lunch. I always clean up after lunch alone usually so generally this adds anther hour or two to my working hours. Before I am suppose to start work at 3 pm ! It also brothers me that I have to go to sleep so late every night! And of course after dinner I also clean almost everything. I am also solely responsible for packing and unpacking the dishwasher. Ontop of this the children are very hard work. They are 12 and 15 year old boys despite their age I must force them to shower, brush their teeth, put on deodorant, brush their hair, put shampoo on their heads before they get into the shower. I also teach them English during the weekdays. They are quite rude. They have very bad manners and rarely say please and thank you. I have to pick up after them all the time. One of them has hit me (15 year old) and the other sometimes kicks me. The throw tantrums and cry when they have to do homework or shower. I only get Sundays off but I often still do things for them on Sundays. I also do a lot of other smaller tasks.

Please help I’m so frustrated

Tell the agency everything. Lead with you being hit and kicked by the teenage boys.

YANBU. That family should not have anyone placed with them ever again. (And the boys should have their arses kicked so they do their fare share, instead of the parents hiring someone under false pretences to be a skivvy for them.)

Wow, you are doing way more then you should be doing as an au pair. Also, that is ABSURD that you are having to bath and put deodorant on the boys at that age. Do they have special needs? Its not normal for a 15 year old to need someone to shampoo them?!?

In the future, when looking for an au pair job, you must be very clear on the hours working. For example, some host families try to take advantage and say your hours watching the children are 25 hours a week, plus they try to get you to clean outside those hours.

I have had 4 au pairs and I am always VERY clear that any light cleaning (dishes to put away or cleaning kitchen after breakfast) is part of those 25 hours. Plus we have a cleaner 3 times a week, so the au pair is not expected to do any heavy cleaning. Sweeping the floor if there are major crumbs after the kids have a meal, yes she must do...but that is within her working hours. My au pairs are lucky though, as I am VERY fair. Hopefully, you can find a good host family who will treat you better. But make sure you clarify the hours etc. Just explain the situation you got into, so you want to clarify that hours needed to work.

And never accept you will be watching them until bedtime, because like you say they could be up until 10pm! Our au pair works from 7-8am and then 4-8pm. I do the school run and spend time with children straight after school, but need an extra pair of hands. She watches my eldest while I put the younger one to bed, and then I take over my eldest at 8pm. My au pair has the entire day free from 8am-4pm.

Please do not try to sort things out with your current employer. Leave immediately or if its through an agency tell them everything that the employer has done and ask to leave as soon as possible, you cannot stay to be abused.

Either stop doing the extra cleaning (though I appreciate it's shit living in a dirty home!) and only work your hours agreed, or leave.

Bedtime for teenagers is going to be later obviously but I doubt they need you to help them get into bed! Why have the parents got you? Very bizarre

I was an au pair and this is 100% abuse. Leave immediately

Leave. I was going to suggest you go out if the house after 8am and come back at 3pm just to see what the family dies if you are not there to do the house chores on your time off. And to insist that bed time is latest 9pm but seeing that you are actually being physically abused, you should just leave.

Hello 👋

Thanks so much for the reply. Well I make sure I don’t go in when they are fully undressed. I put the shampoo on their heads and then tell them to go shower 😅

Honestly I feel like I’m looking after small children 😅 They are so needy 🙃

I really think they have bigger underlying issues but I don’t know how to tell the parents 😅

You put shampoo on the 15 year olds head? whaaaaat

Op, you deserve a medal.

Don't tell the parents about their underlying issues. It is not your job and it never goes down well.

Get yourself out of there!

That’s proper weird! Even for over indulged euro brats!

I really think they have bigger underlying issues but I don’t know how to tell the parents

don't. Just leave - quick!!

You have to put shampoo on teenage boys heads? My gosh i'd be out of there pronto. Call the agency TODAY. The hitting and kicking is assault. The rest of the stuff is taking the piss also. Hope your next family is a much, much, better one. Please don't enable their behaviour anymore. Get the hell out 💐

Thank you so much for your reply. They aren’t mentally or physically disabled according to the parents. But to me it’s as if they are developing very slowly for children at their ages 🙃 honestly I wasn’t expecting them to be so high maintenance 🤦‍♀️ I only have a month left with the family so hopefully I can stick it out until then

You need to have a very clear contract for your next job and stick to it. In the meantime stop cleaning up after the slobs constantly.

What an absolute bastard of a family.
So sorry that you are going through this

But to me it’s as if they are developing very slowly for children at their ages

Could well be. I doubt if a 15 (or even 12) year old would be keen on a young lady putting shampoo on their hair. It would either be that they are getting some kind of kick from it (in which case that is so not on) or that they are truly like little children who don't think anything of it.

I come from a country where significant numbers of women travel to Western Europe to do housework/ childcare. Italy has quite a reputation for being difficult with expectations and pay, obviously it’s not every single family, but there does seem to be a cultural attitude to ‘maids’ that many I know encounter that in we rarely hear about in Austria where lots of people also go.

You're definitely being taken advantage of. Hope you're ok.

Fuck that noise! A 15 hit you? I'd leave immediately if you could. Horrible situation to be in!

Fuck that shit OP
Leave now
You are little more than a slave

Horrified for you xx

No you need to leave now OP. Don't stick it out... report the parents to the agency asap. You're doing slave labour and on top of that you have been physically assaulted by teenage children. Total beach of the spirit of an au pair exchange and probably a breach of contract too if you've gone through an agency

Outrageous behavior from the teens, stop putting shampoo in their hair and insisting they shower. I mean this with respect, that is weird. If, the parents asked you to, you need to protect yourself and say no, I don’t help teens with hair washing. Bloody hell.
Let this be a lesson. Be confident with your next family about what your working hours will be. They are treating you like a maid, this would be fine for some people, if they were bloody well paid for their time. The parents are taking advantage.

What ???????

UnBeLeivAble

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