Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my 12yo watch Sex Education?

35 replies

difficult2ndalbum · 06/02/2019 07:13

He's nearly 13 (year8) and I've just caught him trying to look up porn on my iPad.

I really don't want him looking at porn for all the obvious reasons.

He managed to change the filter settings and use incognito mode!

DH and I have been watching Sex Education on Netflix. I'd rather he watched that to be honest. At least it's a little more realistic!

Or maybe just go back to Peppa Pig.

OP posts:
Balaboosteh · 06/02/2019 07:18

I’ve let my 12 year old watch it. I think it’s a great show for teens.

EmUntitled · 06/02/2019 07:19

I wouldn't be surprised that he "managed" to change the computer to incognito mode. Most teenagers know more about computers than adults! Also if hes at secondary school he probably has friends who have shown him how to do it.

I haven't seen the programme sex education but I think its a comedy? Is it actually accurate and educational about sex? If so I dont see why he couldn't watch it but there might be something more appropriate if he is curious about sex.

I used to watch episodes of The Human Body with Dr Robet Winston when I was that age Blush

User383673 · 06/02/2019 07:24

Doesn’t the first ep have fairly explicit sex and a girl saying ‘come on my tits’? I wouldn’t have thought it was totally appropriate for a 12yo. But I also understand the worry if he is accessing porn. Is there a happy medium? Something educational but less explicit? And then maybe Sex Education when he’s a little older?

chocolateishappiness · 06/02/2019 07:24

I'd let him watch it, I watched it with my 16 year old DD and we thought it was brilliant, need to get my 13 year old off his Xbox and get him to watch it too

chocolateishappiness · 06/02/2019 07:28

Doesn’t the first ep have fairly explicit sex and a girl saying ‘come on my tits’? I wouldn’t have thought it was totally appropriate for a 12yo

Yes it does, but then in a later episode she learns to value herself more and stop acting like a porn star. Which is one of the reasons why the series is good.

Variousartists · 06/02/2019 07:29

I wouldn’t let my 12 year old watch it. I have seen the first two episodes myself.

Babdoc · 06/02/2019 07:33

I think a one-off viewing of anything is unlikely to undo the damage of porn, or stop him watching it in future, OP.
You need to have honest discussions with him about the misogyny, violence, rape and trafficking that underlie porn. You need to raise him with respect for women and girls, he needs to see them as people, not collections of body parts or wank fodder.
He needs to be told that a good lover is one who gives his partner an orgasm, not one who violently abuses her.
I know some parents are embarrassed about discussing sex with their teens, but if we as a generation fail to do this with our sons, we condemn a generation of our daughters to a life of abuse.

anniehm · 06/02/2019 07:37

I made my 17 year old watch it because we know what goes on - she's sensible but it never hurts

Igotthemheavyboobs · 06/02/2019 07:39

Brilliant show and some really good messages for both boys and girls.

Original poster
difficult2ndalbum · 06/02/2019 07:43

We've just had that conversation Babdoc, which was why the programme came up.

I said there was nothing wrong with enjoying watching naked women or people having sex but porn was not healthy for all the reasons you have said.

Which is why I thought actually Sex Education was an option. It shows teenagers having sex in healthy, clumsy and fairly realistic ways.

OP posts:
ribblerobble · 06/02/2019 07:44

I thought it was a great series, but was a bit surprised by the 'normal' rampant shagging amongst the student population... probably educational for me too as perhaps that's the norm.

I'd let a 12 year old watch it but only with accompanying discussion.

Missingstreetlife · 06/02/2019 07:53

I think talking to them is most important, they should have all the facts by this age, it's about attitude and respect. Will you watch with him?

Calzone · 06/02/2019 07:55

Trying to access porn at the age of 12...... good grief. 🤭

Booboostwo · 06/02/2019 07:56

If I were 12yo I would not want to be discovering sex sitting on the sofa with my parents. I assume this is what he is trying to do when he searches for porn and it can't be replaced by a family viewing of Sex Education (which is an excellent show btw). How about suggesting ethical porn sites? Then it is his choice if he accesses them, and he can do so in private and watch only as much as he feels comfortable with.

Original poster
difficult2ndalbum · 06/02/2019 08:01

I said no family viewing of Sex Education. Shock

But he could watch it on his own if he wanted.

Are there ethical porn sites? Ones with high quality sheets?

OP posts:
Willowsauntie · 06/02/2019 08:02

Let him watch alone. Discussion after.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 06/02/2019 08:03

If he wants to watch porn he will. I don't think show is a substitute for that .

Booboostwo · 06/02/2019 08:13

Oh sorry I misunderstood. He might enjoy watching it, but IMO it might just be too advanced for him to understand without any (personal) knowledge of sex.

No, it's not the sheets, it's the consent. The videos are often directed by women, everyone freely consents and has a realistic choice not to participate and they involve non-exploitative, non-violent scenaria which empower men and women.

chocolateishappiness · 06/02/2019 08:20

Trying to access porn at the age of 12...... good grief. 🤭

I remember the boys at junior school nicking their mums catalogues so they could look at the women modelling underwear. That was over 40 years ago, of course they're going to look, it's natural to be curious, the problem is in what they will find.

Booboostwo · 06/02/2019 08:23

12/13yo we had porn magazines doing the rounds at school, it's not that unusual, it's just that now it is more easily accessible. Although even that is relative. My impression is that prior to the internet porn access was very strictly regulated in the UK, but I grew up in Greece where the local video club had a porn section with everything under the earth. I am sure than it was illegal to rent those videos to children but we were never refused.

SoftPlant · 06/02/2019 08:27

I think yes, let him watch Sex Education. I think it gives a much more healthy, realistic view of sex to teenagers (to balance out all the horrifying porn, performance stuff).

If you don't direct him to more balanced information about sex, then all he will get is stuff from his peers and pornhub. Unfortunately there's no way to make a teenager not curious about sex, despite some posters clutching at pearls. Even putting an educational book about sex in the bookcase might be a good idea. One that is just factual/scientific.

dawn96 · 06/02/2019 08:30

At the age of 12 they’ll look at whatever they like ,You can’t stop them if it’s not at home it’ll be at school. They’ve moved from the pond to the ocean now and a 12 year old boy is absolutely not innocent they know about every inappropriate thing going, it wasn’t that long ago I was 12 we had the internet at our disposal and the “good” kids were the worst 😅 sorry to say

Variousartists · 06/02/2019 08:41

I read that children become naturally curious at age 10 and some of them will seek out porn at that age.

Bryjam · 06/02/2019 08:43

Trying to access porn at the age of 12...... good grief.

It must be normal, it's the second thread about the subject this morning!

owl2015 · 06/02/2019 09:54

I agree with Soft - just providing a range of 'sources' where he can learn about sex to counter (what he has clearly already seen in) the porn, would help.

In addition there should be feminist stuff for him, not just the factual. I haven't seen that tv show but it sounds promising. It's great that you have had a conversation with him. I think it's important for parents to listen without judgement about why their child is watching porn, and then ask them about their understandings of exploration. Bearing in mind he will be experiencing so much pressure (internally) to be a "man", lose virginity in the next few years and "banter" at school. Our sons have to be incredibly resilient and self-assured to navigate this without succumbing to toxic masculinity. Not enough us being done by the powers that be (male led) to support this in my opinion- but that's another story!

Also do you have a DH in the picture who is involved? The idea of the male gaze generally needs to be being pointed out each and every time it is relevant- eg when a magazine image is lying about on the kitchen table, when a celebrity says something, when a film depicts women a certain way and so on. And if possible the Dad needs to point this stuff out as well as the mum.

This article is quite interesting: everydayfeminism.com/2015/05/boys-sexual-entitlement/

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.