To be surprisingly affected by news of an acquaintance’s death.

[Vinotinto78]

Had a text from an old work friend earlier informing me that a person I’d crossed paths with professionally over the past 15+ years had recently passed away after a short illness. It was someone who I respected but didn’t work that closely with (though I must have attended hundreds of meetings with him). It’s really hit a nerve. Possibly because he was close to retirement after a long and varied career helping employees fight their corner. It just feels so unfair. Ever been taken by surprise by how much someone’s passing away affected you? I’m gutted and I’m not sure why.

Yes, I have felt like you do. Usually where i’ve really liked the person at the time, and if they’ve died at a relatively young age, (50’s/60’s). Just doesn’t seem fair.

It sounds as though he had a very worthwhile professional career. Lots to admire there.

Yes, I had a friend as a teenager, not especially close just hung around in the same circles that I hadn’t seen or heard of for almost 15 years. He was killed a few years ago and it really upset me. I didn’t even know him anymore or know him as an adult but the news coverage really affected me.

Yes. I knew a guy about 10 years as he was a doorman at the pub I drunk in. I used to smoke so we’d have loads of chats when I was outside.

We lost touch, but had each other on Facebook. Didn’t speak or anything though. He was brutally killed at quite a young age a few months ago.

I found out late at night around 11pm and didn’t sleep at all that full night. I randomly burst into tears a few times over the next few weeks, couldn’t stop thinking about him.

This is me that didn’t even cry when my grandad died. I don’t cry when people die, I do things, helpful things. So strange how it affected me.

Is this something you wrote about a while ago, OP?

Fishing posts are fishing

Thank you. I mean it’s sad, I get that but it’s not as if we were even close. He was just a down to earth bloke who as far as I could tell was always respectful, dignified and the voice of reason. Life’s so shit at times.

Nope Hollow.

Well attending hundreds of meetings with him meant knowing him in a professional capacity and its obvious you repected him in that role. Its nice toknow he impacted people oytside his inner circle.
I had a beautician for years. I literally popped in she did my eyebrows and off l went. I hardly knew anything about her. She died unexpectedly and l cried off and on and couldn't sleep. It was partly the suddenness of it. Its a while ago and yet l often think about her.

Yes this has just happened to me. Someone I hadn't spoken to for years but followed on social media. Very tragic and there are young children left behind. I've cried quite a few times over it, mostly over the pain that their loved ones must be feeling 😔

I was really upset when my carpark attendant died of a heart attack aged 50 something. Until then i didn't know his name (not sure i can remember it since). I saw him every working day. He always used to huff about the weather or working, thank god its Friday etc but with real feeling like he hated work. I was so sad that he had no family, his dm died shortly before he did, it just seemed like such a crap life and a shitty way to die on a Monday night go home from work and not come back!

A young lad I worked with died last year. He was only 25. Just a kid but such a lovely lad. That was heart breaking.

I completely understand this, I have over the past couple of weeks felt extremely sad about the death of the footballer Emiliano Sala. Such a talented young man, the prime of his life, took one decision that has led to his death and in such a manner that it's almost impossible to comprehend. I think the messages he sent and the voicemail made it worse. He was scared. That really got to me as a mother with an adult child not much younger than he. Sometimes things are just ridiculously unfair and you think "why them?". My mum died fairly young (60) but I accepted that as she had had a long illness. My Dad has recently been inconsolable about the loss of a friend of 40 years, whereas in my view, he was a man in his mid-80's who has had a truly marvellous life in every way and passed peacefully, in his own bed, surrounded by his family. That to me doesn't seem awful if that makes sense? I don't know, there is no rhyme or reason and perhaps a reminder of how fragile life truly is. I hope you feel better soon OP and I am sorry that you're struggling with this

Yeah, a work colleague died suddenly aged in his late 20s and it just hit me on several levels. I didn’t work with him directly but when we did chat he was a genuinely lovely happy chap so his loss was felt. I was heartbroken for his girlfriend - they’d not long moved in together and the future she’d imagined was gone - and as a mum I was devastated for his poor parents.

I found out about an ex colleague's passing at the summit of a mountain. I had a glass of wine in hand and was sat with the sun on my face...it somehow felt quite fitting really, very peaceful. Wasn't overly close to her, but she was very kind to me at a time when I was struggling.

She was a PA and feared by others, but I just respected her and I got that back in spades, she helped me professionally and personally. At he time of her death she had just taken enhanced voluntary redundancy after 30+ years in a public office role. I miss her, even though I wouldn't have seen her before she died as I had left the role before she passed ( I think the world probably misses her...she was very straight talking, but also very fair).

Yes, I was randomly Googling people from my past and I found that a woman that I used to work with had died 5 years before. I hadn't seen her for 20 years, she had left London to move to near where she had grown up and I had always though of her having a great lifestyle there.

I think there was a bit of a Schrodinger's cat thing with me, if I hadn't Googled her then I would still occasionally think of her living happily.

It’s as if trying to do the right thing, making a difference and all that counts for not very much in the grand scheme of things. Rationally, I know that’s not true.

My dentist dying upset me. I'd see him probably once or twice a year and had been going to him for around 20 years. I saw him one time, on June 30th, and when I phoned to make my next check up appointment the receptionist was surprised that I'd hadn't had a letter informing me that he'd died, she said he'd died at the end of June - I saw him on the last day of June.
I was so incredibly sad about his death, it wasn't even as though I knew him well but he was a lovely man and it came as a horrible shock.

A cousin who lives abroad and who I have never met was murdered, She was 7 and I was devastated.

I think that it is a normal reaction, and partly because it reminds us of our own mortality. If it encourages you to live life to the full, and to better appreciate what you have and those around you, then that would surely be a fitting tribute to this man who has died.

Sometimes grief really sneaks up on you. I’ve seen it up close this week with my step-dad. He lost his sister quite suddenly (and overseas) a few weeks ago. He seemed to take it very calmly, no ripples on the surface. Surprisingly well, actually.

Then on the weekend my mum’s dog died. Stepdad wasn’t fond of the dog- fairly vocal over the last few years about it. Strangely, mum was calm but Stepdad has fallen to bits about the dog. Tears, not eating, knocking back invitations, talking about ‘quality of life, life’s so short, etc’.

It’s clear as day that he’s grieving his sister, not the dog. With a side order of being reminded of his own mortality. Death is a big fear in many of us, and any reminder of it can precipitate a period of anxiety and trigger past grief.

When I feel disproportionate grief, I check whether it’s close to an anniversary of a more important death or trauma in my life. Our subconscious tends to react to anniversaries, even when we think we’re ‘over it’.

When I was training for my career, working with sen children, I worked with a particular family. Mum and child. Child was such a happy handful, never stopped and exhausting in a Duracell bunny happy way. Mum was sad and struggling to come to terms with her only child's learning difficulties (very much understandable). Years later I heard on the radio about a mother and child murder/ suicide. It was them. The shock was like a punch in the face. Child was only about 12. It really affected me.

Skittlesandbeer I think you've hit the nail on the head there for me...the anniversary of my Mum's death was two weeks ago...and that would make perfect sense.

I can relate MrsC, I'm surprisingly upset about ES myself. My DB died at 39, it was SADS and he literally dropped dead on the spot when he was out shopping. Instant and with no prior warning really isn't a bad way to go if you think about it but poor Emiliano (and the pilot, of course) must have been terrified.

Vino, it's completely understandable. Your man there seems to have led such a worthwhile life and was about to enter a brand new stage. He had a lot to look forward to. His family would be touched, I'm sure, to know that he had a profound effect on people. Raise a to him when you can.

Someone I knew casually for quite a long time died suddenly at the weekend. He was several years younger than me, just mid-40s. While I haven't cried, I am really quite shaken by the news. It brings home my own mortality in a big way.