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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Facebook picture liking...

32 replies

Weatherwax · 05/02/2019 19:46

AIBU for still feeling cross? Recently DH commented on a picture of a woman in Facebook. It was a "gym selfie" ie posed in leggings and gym top, bum sticking out, pouty face etc. Her post was all about her workout and pretty new pink gym top. DH had liked it and commented "cute". Obviously as this is a public forum, I'd seen the comment and post on my time line, as had a few friends who messaged me about it, generally saying WTF is he doing?

On closer investigation, this isn't the only picture of hers he'd liked. He has liked, and "wow faced" several. None of her doing actual workouts, or of her healthy food, but ALL of the skin tight leggings gym selfies, all of the bikini on a beach ones, and all of the dressed up to the nines going out in waist plunging body con dresses ones. He's also been following and liking about 30 very similar accounts on Instagram, liking all the bikini bod pics.

I was upset, and told him so. Don't get me wrong, he of course can find other people attractive, you don't stop that just because you're married. I take offence to the fact that he's doing it so publicly. It's the online equivalent in my head of going out with me to a bar for example, with all our mutual friends, and flirting (badly) with some 20 years younger than us girl who turns up. It's disrespectful.

It also makes me sad because I used to have an awesome figure, but 2 kids down the line I just can't get it back to what it was, and certainly it was never anywhere near as thin as this girl! So now I feel disrespected and not good enough.

What makes matters worse is that he knows this girl. She's a member of his gym and he sees her up there. He claims to only have spoken to her once, but he's been wowing over her bikini bod on Facebook for almost a year.

Perhaps I should let it go, but I can't get over how blatant he can be. Can he not just watch porn in private like everyone else?!? AIBU?

OP posts:
Weatherwax · 05/02/2019 20:18

Sorry, this had paragraphs in when I typed it, I swear!!

OP posts:
Peppapig254 · 05/02/2019 20:21

Yanbu not even a little bit. I wouldnt put up with it.

Insomnibrat · 05/02/2019 20:23

YANBU. What a sleaze, he's not even trying to hide it.....ugh.

MuddyMoose · 05/02/2019 20:23

It's disrespectful, if nothing else. Perhaps the odd 'thumbs up like' but the wow faces is a bit much & the comments are unnecessary. It's embarrassing when friends are even noticing & pointing it out too. If hes done it so openly on a public platform then I would really be wondering how he behaves around her at the gym.

Insomnibrat · 05/02/2019 20:23

If it's any consolation (probably not), she probably thinks he's a sleaze too.

cheesydoesit · 05/02/2019 20:24

YANBU! Sounds like he's testing the water. What was his reaction when you told him how it makes you feel?

linda30 · 05/02/2019 20:25

If it was just a one off I would just let it slip but the fact that it has been going on for a year and that he actually knows her in real life... That's seriously not cool.

MissLadyM · 05/02/2019 20:26

I can't stand pathetic women like her but loathe sleazy men like your husband! I'd be furious

Pumpkintopf · 05/02/2019 20:26

This is entirely inappropriate and a bit pathetic. He needs to have a word with himself.

ashtrayheart · 05/02/2019 20:26

I think you need to start wowing some ripped muscle bods in retaliation Wink

ashtrayheart · 05/02/2019 20:27

What was his reaction to you btw when you mentioned it?

Alienspaceship · 05/02/2019 20:29

Do what did he say when you told him?

Weatherwax · 05/02/2019 20:29

He just kept saying "sorry, there's no excuse". He's deleted the comment and unfollowed all the "gym ladies" but I just don't feel like that's enough. However I cannot articulate what I actually think he should be doing and I'm not sure it's up to me to dictate how he makes amends anyway!!

OP posts:
Weatherwax · 05/02/2019 20:29

@insomnibrat that's what I told him!!

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 05/02/2019 20:31

This is over the line. How embarrassing. Hope you're ok.

CoastalLife · 05/02/2019 20:31

YANBU. Ew. It's bang out of order. I am friends on Facebook with a couple where the bloke does something similar to this. I just think he comes across as desperate, lecherous and a bit of a creep. It makes me feel sorry for his wife as she is lovely and doesn't deserve to be publicly disrespected - and neither do you! To be honest, when I see this bloke "liking" pictures or whatever late at night, it grosses me out because I think he's probably just using them for wank fodder and doesn't realise that literally everyone can see what he's upto. I'd rather not imagine the husband of one of my friends doing that 🤢

If he doesn't care enough about your feelings to pack it in, maybe try and explain to him what sort of image he is projecting to his Facebook friends. Because it's not a good one. At best he looks desperate, lechy and a bit pathetic. At worst, it's fairly pervy and inappropriate to be so frequently commenting on someone's body when you see them in real life but have only bothered speaking to them once in a year Hmm.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 05/02/2019 20:32

YANBU. He's being really disrespectful.

What a sleaze.

Weatherwax · 05/02/2019 20:37

@coastallife I told him his mum would have seen it. My sister. Quite a few of my work colleagues who he has also befriended. He just kept pulling his stupid sorry face and saying there was no excuse. It didn't matter how I put it, it's just the same response.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 05/02/2019 20:38

But even if he stops the fb liking, what's he doing at the gym?!

newplacenofriends · 05/02/2019 20:40

a like for someone you know/celeb/etc you follow fine. Wow face and comments saying cute and flirting deffinetly not!

newplacenofriends · 05/02/2019 20:41

she probably finds the comments and wow faces odd/uncomfortable too

OfficeSlave · 05/02/2019 20:46

Pathetic response from him. Pulling the 'ooops I'm just a silly man, silly me, no excuse, now, whats for dinner...'

He needs to explain and think about why he was doing that and why he thought it was ok, for a year! Its not an 'oops' moment. Its months and multiple accounts, letching on women that he knows. Gross.

Weatherwax · 05/02/2019 20:49

Thank you all for your responses. A friend of mine said that because he's said sorry and unfollowed everyone that I should let it go. But I can't. I keep torturing myself looking at her photos. So we have established he's been a dick, but what now? I have no idea how to feel better about this :(

OP posts:
prettypossums · 05/02/2019 21:02

“she probably finds the comments and wow faces odd/uncomfortable too“

I doubt it. If so, she wouldn’t be sharing gym selfies on Facebook. Presumably she enjoys the attention?

kateandme · 05/02/2019 21:02

im sorry op.what a wank thing to do.
please don't compare yourself.or how thin you are or aren't or weren't.that is the road to hell and she is nothing compared to you im sure in so many ways.
focusing on weight on looks especially in this situation will send you into free fall and being so vunerable to her now you will see everything in you as wrong and that sooo not true.
what hes doing isn't who SHE is and your aren't.or because your lesser than.hes a man being a dick.
this will continue to hurt more so because of how you see yourself.and your beautiful in so many ways others are not simply for being you.

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