To call the teacher by his first name?

[MrsWhatToDo]

More wwyd I guess but here it is...
So my ds has been having some issues in class and its become necessary to colaborate with his form tutor. Secondary school.
This is my situation. I emailed teacher addressed to Mr Lastname and signed Firstname Lastname.
His reply came back - To Mrs Lastname Signed Firstname
My response - To Mr Lastname Signed Firstname
His response - To Firstname Signed Firstname

Would it be weird to address him as Firstname? I've held back from doing so in emails as we now have a meeting set up for next Monday morning and don't want it to be weird. I won't use his first name in emails if I don't in person. Personally I would prefer to be called by Firstname and so far he has only ever signed as his first name.
This is going to be ongoing communication so it matters going forward.
I know its first world problems / Britsh etiquette but I'd really like some wider opinions.

I regularly communicate with the school. We’re on really friendly terms, it really winds me up that they always refer to me as Mrs ++++. I sign off all emails with my first name, but I follow the convention that I reply to them as they sign off theirs. So as they always sign off with their first name, I address them with their first name. But STILL I’m Mrs ++++. I said the first few times, “oh call me, {first name} but they never did.

Of course, I’m sure it’s in their rules that they have to, but to not do it when someone specifically asks you to, is really rude!

I’d go first name in email and then mr lastname in person, particularly around kids maybe not if just a one in one meeting. He has given you the clear to be a bit less formal.

I always reply to parents as first name last name. Sometimes they reply using just my first name. I find it weird but it doesn't bother me. Don't know why I find it weird, the permission is implicit by me signing off as that!

Nope. I work in a school, it is Mr/Mrs/Miss regardless if they use their first name. I’m Mrs Longdistance. If they call me by my first name, it annoys the crap out of me.
Then again, I work for an old fashioned prep school.

When I was chair of school board I called head and other teachers by their title and surname during meetings and when pupils around. Other times we used first names

Just call him Steve or whatever

He won't give a toss

Hellohah - cheers ears 😆

We have this situation with pastoral care. I still want to use Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss Surname.

Mind you, I still find it weird calling dp parents by their first names.

Lots of correspondence with dc’s primary school over the years due to their SN. I’m now on first name terms with the senco, headmaster and previous teachers but each year when we get a new teacher we have a period where I’m writing dear Mr/Mrs signed Chem Inotte and they are replying ‘hi’ or dear Mrs Inotte and signing first name surname.

I refer to myself as first name Lastname. Then the teachers call me first name.

I can’t seperate when my child is with me. So usually look like a blundering idiot and call them Mrs Firstname.

I'm a teacher of almost 20 years. I honestly don't mind what parents call me (as long as it's not abusive!) I would say most call me Miss * but I wouldn't be offended if they called me by my first name.
Funnily enough I visited a special school today for children with profound additional needs. I noticed that everyone referred to members of staff by their first name. I actually thought this was great and very child - centred (a lot of the children have speech and language difficulties). Loved the school, am going to apply for the class teacher post there ❤

I work in HE, and there's a convention there that, if you are unsure/want to be polite, you write 'Dear Firstname (if I may)'. I think that's quite nice?

But I'd agree if he's signed off with his first name on its own, that's an invitation to you to use it.

I'm a secondary teacher and would have no problem with a parent using my first name in an email.

My email signature is Mrs Firstname Lastname so they know my first name.

It varies, some stick to Mrs Lastname while some use my first name. Those using first name tend to be parents I have a lot of contact with and hence know me better.

@nicolenopants

Miss NoPants as that’s how my students know me

I'm sorry but - that's hilarious.

I'm with PCohle.
"I would opt for the classic British approach of going to desperate lengths to avoid saying his name at all during the meeting."

I am a teacher and would sign emails as first name last name. That gives permission to the parents to call me by my first name. They rarely do, but I'm happy for them to.

One parent that I've taught multiple of her children over the past 10 years, the youngest of whom is now in y11 (I've taught him since y7). I have taken 3 of her children on residential trips and had quite a bit of communication over the years. This year at Christmas she finally called me by my first name, then went a bit funny and corrected herself to Ms lastname. I don't think she's got it in her to call a teacher by their first name, even though she has friends who are teachers (but they were friends before she encountered them as teachers)

So I would say use whichever name you are most comfortable with. The teacher will respond to either form of address.

When you meet stick your hand out to shake and say good to meet at last firstname, you don't mind first names do you? I am hapy to be Jane

If he objects then you can go straight back to Mr lastname and as you prefer Jane anyway then its fine you know where you all stand.

However in front of the kids it prob shld be Mr Lastname

This is such a quintessentially British dilemma!

I've no idea what to do but you've made my evening. [sits back with biscuits and a cup of tea]

@PCohle you definitely win the thread.

I once explained had to explain this to some I line manage. They didn't know how to pronounce someone's name and I told them it's fine, you can just NEVER EVER say their name. Problem sorted.

I work with schools and regularly email teachers- always follow their lead re response eg Mr X or Dear Alex etc. Might depend on their age and existing relationship, but provided you don't intend to say Dear first name, sincerely Mrs whatever you're likely fine: think most teachers prefer first name basis, tho I kinda baulk at it with DDs school so I get it

My dad is a retired teacher and it turns out that two of his ex students (twins) are now teaching my son at secondary!! My son asked them if they knew his grandad and one of the teachers said if they ever see him in passing they would still definitely have to call him Mr ! My dad said it would be strange calling them Mr and Mr but that he is old-fashioned and would out of respect, bless him.
In addition, he still remains appalled by the fact that male teachers no longer wear full suit and tie to work every day! 😃

I think it's something that develops depending on the amount of contact you have with the person. The only real contact I have with my elder DC's teachers is once a year at parents evening (secondary mainstream) so they are always Mr/Mrs/Ms Lastname to me.
I have almost daily contact with my youngest DS's teacher (primary SEN school). He's Mr Lastname to DS, but introduced himself to me from the start as first name so it would feel strange to call him anything more formal. On email we use first names & usually sign off just first initial!

Generally, the rule is that you don’t give yourself a title. So I write: Dear Mr Smith.....Regards, Natalia Osipova.

He then replies: Dear Mrs Osipova....Regards Andrew Smith

And you carry on like that. BUT in your case it went thus:

*This is my situation. I emailed teacher addressed to Mr Lastname and signed Firstname Lastname.
His reply came back - To Mrs Lastname Signed Firstname
My response - To Mr Lastname Signed Firstname
His response - To Firstname Signed Firstname *

.....which is different! You’ve both tacitly said “just call me by my first name”. So I think it’s fine to do it!

If communicating more personally with parents I'd use firstname surname.

I once worked in a school that was first name only. Odd for the first week (although I had previously encountered another similar school on casual supply which felt really odd as an youthful NQT!). The only awkwardness what when you struggled to pick up if a student was referring to another pupil or teacher.
It felt really odd and clunky to return to being Miss "Smith" then a year later I had to get used to being Mrs "Jones"

I also communicate with my daughters senco a lot by email. I avoid using a name but we both sign off with our first names. I was saying something about meeting her to another member of staff and accidentally said her first name. Felt really weird!