to sometimes find it infuriating trying to have a discussion with DP

[FourCrumpets]

NC because I'm very irritated right now and I don't trust myself to be coherent

Been with DP for almost a year and everything's great. Now that we're comfortable with each other though, I'm sometimes finding it very hard to have any sort of discussion with him!

We were just out doing the weekly shop (it's our day off), he saw something he disapproved of, declared that "that's idiotic", and when I tried to counter that statement he simply said, "It's obvious why. I can't talk to you when you're being stupid." DP prides himself on being "very smart" which I don't necessarily dispute but really now?

This has only happened maybe 4 times so far with topics ranging from parking to "which lifestyle is better" (vague but won't go into details cause it is too specific and might be outing).

AIBU to start doubting this whole fucking relationship?

Can understand your feelings but from an outsiders point of view, you did the right thing

Hope you're ok op. I doubt that will be his last word on it so I'd block him in every way you can.

Wot @pictish said

Anyone who declares [smarts] about themselves, isn’t. Truly clever people understand, and therefore have, humility

Think you have dodged a bullet there OP

Absolutely agree that the thing to do now is to block him on everything. And rejoice.

‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.’

You’re worth more to put it simply. Love should be all of the good stuff with arguments over the washing up or who’s walking the dogs etc. Not trying to belittle someone for their opinions.

'not as stupid as I would be if I hadn't dumped your ass'

Well done, you did the right thing. What an obnoxious, contemptible loser. You're far better off without him; even if you feel bad now, he would have made you feel much worse. Chin up petal

Thank you for the kind words everybody. Haven't blocked him yet because I have some things left over at his place that I've got to take back (am stopping by with my brother this evening), but will do so later as I agree it's probably for the best.

Still feeling pretty gutted about it all but I'll be okay. Thanks again -- really appreciate it.

Save that text, those few words show you exactly what he is, and what he thinks of you. If you ever have doubts that you did the right thing just read it again to remind yourself what an utter arsehole he is. Good luck op.

OMG my ex was just like this. If he didn’t already like or approve of a subject or thing it was stupid, only stupid people liked that. If I pushed anything it would result in him screaming in my face, threatening me, throwing things at me, and doing that very hard pushing to the ground, which in his eyes wasn’t hitting but nevertheless left me with massive brooses. One time I could hardly breathe for a week because my ribs hurt so much. He also slammed my hand in the door, threatened to stab me with a huge kitchen knife and more than once threatened to push me down the stairs, and he bodily threw me out of the house. He was a proper twat. If I was listening to music or watching the telly he’d walk in the room and start on me. I’d end up feeling about two inches tall. I was only 18 when I met him so too young to realise this wasn’t what a partner, later husband was supposed to be like. He was a horrible bastard. It took me 13 years to get rid. By the time I did I had no friends, he’d broken all my stuff, I gave up all my hobbies and I was a shadow of my former self. I walked out of that relationship with just my clothes and my life. He’s even made it as difficult as possible to share the assets of our marriage and get divorced, and you can guess who’s raising our DS with NC from him, which I’m rather glad about TBH.

OP be careful. You really don’t need a man like that in your life. The second you’re expected to compromise on your own things for him, run. Run as fast as you can, or alternatively, don’t wait to be the boiled frog and give him the boot now.

Sorry, didn’t RTFT. Good luck OP. Don’t settle for anything less than what you’re worth, and raise the bar a bit from that just to be sure you’re not selling yourself short.

Sorry it didn’t work out, but good for you ending it- you deserve better! He sounds horrible, my OH is extremely clever, but he never makes me feel stupid and respects my opinions just as much as his own; so even if by some surreal chance he was a genius he still shouldn’t have treated you that way. Good luck healing, and I’m sure it won’t be long until your decision is filed in the ‘definitely made the right decision’ box.

Congratulations on your escape from a destructive relationship, OP. Stay strong and work on doing the "grey rock" thing until you have your possessions back and can cut contact.

Lucky escape OP, no one deserves to be spoken to like that. You're far from stupid, you made a very smart move!

Glad to hear you're taking control of your life

Good idea to have someone with you when you collect your things. When you go, don't get drawn into a discussion, just in and out without a fuss. If you have no further ties then no further discussion is necessary.

By the way, your ex-DP is thick as pig shit. And he probably knows it. That's why he fees the need to demean others and tell them how "smart" he is. He is an insecure nobody.