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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is how newborn visits should be?

66 replies

Sexnotgender · 05/02/2019 11:34

I do love my mum.

I had my baby on Saturday and it’s so nice to have someone who understands you might be shattered or not up for visitors.

To think this is how newborn visits should be?

OP posts:

BusyMum47 · 05/02/2019 12:48

Awesome! I always wait a while, double check at the very last minute, never take offence if cancelled & never turn up without cake!! Make a point of making my own cuppa too & only take baby off mum for a cuddle so she can eat her cake & down a cuppa while it's still hot for once!!

Bumblebee39 · 05/02/2019 12:49

I'm not a massive cake fan so my family go one better. They bring kettle chips

CatkinToadflax · 05/02/2019 12:54

How lovely, and congratulations OP! Enjoy the cake x

Big shout out to my mum who did twice weekly 5 hour round trips to help out whilst DS1 was in NICU for 4 months and then a further 6 months after he came home. Two visits every single week. She was AMAZING. On one occasion we were at the hospital during a really bad time with DS and she came to our house, washed and changed all the bedding, left us home-made flapjacks and went all the way home without even having the chance to see us or DS.

OneTiredMomma · 05/02/2019 12:55

Aww that's so nice, your mum sounds lovely. Congratulations on your little one. xx

iamafrood · 05/02/2019 12:56

Aah lovely! Sounds like mine. A few months on she still brings dinner, cake and then does the hoovering and cleans the bathrooms.

Original poster

Sexnotgender · 05/02/2019 12:57

It's nice but I would probably go NC with her for using the term "state of play" tbh.

I know, she’s a monster.

OP posts:

secretuser · 05/02/2019 12:58

She sounds perfect. I also love the sound of fish and chip dad

SamBaileys · 05/02/2019 13:04

I'm getting ideas here- my sister is having a baby this month, I know what to do 😉

OutPinked · 05/02/2019 13:10

Some parents remember what it was like, some sadly don’t. The cake is a lovely gesture, now wishing I’d been bought some after any of my four were born .

Nofilter · 05/02/2019 13:17

OMG this is so perfect!

Horror of a time visitors!!!

CustardCreamLover · 05/02/2019 13:19

Congratulations! We had our son just over 2 weeks ago and have similar parents and PIL. Always bring food or presents for the baby and always check before coming over! Much less stressful 😀

CeeCee88 · 05/02/2019 13:22

That sounds lovely! We've got a little one coming in a few months time and where my family are happy to respect that we'd like 2 weeks to just the 3 of us, my MIL does not. She's planned to drive up and see us at the hospital regardless of the wishes we've expressed, which is stressing me out big time.
It wouldn't be an issue if our families were local, but they're all abroad so will need to stay with us and we just want some time to get to know each other and get to grips with being a family of 3.
Any suggestions on how to tell her in a nice and calm way that this is not happening?
I don't want to end up resenting her for ages afterwards... 🙄😫

CreakyBlinder · 05/02/2019 13:22

My Mum and Dad turned up with a full basket of clean washing that they'd done when I was in hospital, and a pot of soup.

They took DD to the living room, and made DH and I sit in the dining room to eat in peace.

They're superstars. The kids are older now and they are still on hand whenever we need them. The kids get so much out of having present, loving grandparents.

Shufflebumnessie · 05/02/2019 13:22

When Ds was born both sets of parents came to visit the following day at home. My lovely PiL arrived with bags full of delicious M&S sandwiches and other goodies for everyone. It was very much appreciated.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 05/02/2019 13:26

Aw what a lovely thread.. Congrats on baby OP. xx

JemSynergy · 05/02/2019 13:27

You are very lucky! I had my baby in the early hours of the morning, my parents turned up at reception demanding to see me on the ward. They were turned away because it was about 5am in the morning! Then the day after I got home from the hospital my parents were at my front door at 7.45 in the morning. No phone call or argument beforehand, we'd been up all night with our baby and we'd all just finally managed to drop off. They then refused to leave when my midwife showed up at 10am.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 05/02/2019 13:32

What sort of cake is it?

GroggyLegs · 05/02/2019 13:32

Oh I much prefer my own DMs tactic of coming unannounced, banging the window when we didn't answer the door and then letting themselves in shrieking 'helllooooooooo!!'

I'd just finally dropped off on the sofa while DC1 was napping. They'd seen him every day since birth - we'd asked for one day without visitors on about day 6, I was so tired. I cried a lot.

But hooray! Top mumming OPs Mum.

Kescilly · 05/02/2019 13:33

Lovely to see this! My parents will be staying with us for the first month and I feel almost embarrassed to tell people, there seems to be such a stigma about it. I'm sure we will get on each other's nerves at some point, but overall they are such generous, helpful people.

I hadn't even planned on freezing meals because I'm pretty sure my dad will want to cook for us every night!

1stTimeMama · 05/02/2019 13:37

My parents we at my house within 15 minutes of me having one of ours. Flowers for me, goodies for baby, cuddles with the newbie whilst I was seen to upstairs. I've had 4 babies, in 4 different counties, and they've dropped everything each time and come to see us as quickly as is humanly possible. I would absolutely hate it if someone said to wait a few weeks!

The in laws however, they rocked up a few weeks later, gave me a Tesco bag with a single vest in it for baby, and left after an hour and half to get back for their chickens. It was a 6 hour round trip, and they talked about themselves the entire time. This was after the initial response to it being a boy of "Oh, well that's disappointing, I was hoping for a girl".

My parents are legends!

Butterfly84 · 05/02/2019 13:41

That's really nice OP.

However, I have seen posts on here before about people not letting family see their baby for a certain amount of time, like a week or more. Yes, you may be tired and overwhelmed and want to spend time with your baby, but make sure you appreciate that people want to see you and you baby. I have known mums whose family show no interest in their new baby and they're very alone. You're lucky to have a lovely mum

jackstini · 05/02/2019 13:43

Love these stories of people who know exactly what you want

My dsis rocked up to the hospital with a mini bottle of Chardonnay for me, a beer for DH and some prawns from M&S as she knew how much I had missed eating seafood!

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 05/02/2019 14:02

You are soo lucky.I had dh friends who I had never met rocking up at the hospital whilst I was being discharged expecting to follow us home to visit there and then.No! fuck off!

EyUpOurKid · 05/02/2019 16:51

I moved in with my parents for the first three weeks/month pretty much. And then when I had days at home for the MW etc, my mam came and slept on the couch, and my Dad brought Danish pastries for breakfast and tea on an oven tray ready to be cooked.

NoParticularPattern · 05/02/2019 16:54

I want a fish and chip dad. I mean in fairness my parents weren’t useless- they did bring me clothes for the giant child who never fitted in to any of the stuff I’d bought! But I really want fish and chips. Now actually would be good 😂

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