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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask whether you were closest to your Dad or Mum

41 replies

Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 10:29

as a child growing up?

I adored my Dad. He worked about 12 hours a day though, so was rarely about. My Mum did the drudgery I suppose.

But when young, I'd call for my Dad in the middle of the night if I was scared or had a bad dream. He was kind and gentle. My mother would have whacked me and told me to go to sleep lol

I tend to oddly have a skewed view on the role of Dad's though. In that, my childhood experience isn't borne out in my view of the significance of Dad's in a child's life. I would view my significance to be greater to my child, than her Dad's. Confused yet?

Just wondering what was it like for the rest of you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 19:24

Ok....
So no preference on MN.

OP posts:
Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 05/02/2019 19:27

I was closest to my dad. He was an absolute fucker though...think affairs and bad company. He could never do anything wrong in my eyes. Still can't. My mum tried her best to hide a lot of his shit when we were growing up, but I blame her for a lot of HIS shenanigans. ...when really I should blame HIM. But no....35 years after his death and hes still on a pedestal

EnglishRose13 · 05/02/2019 19:28

My mum.

My dad is grumpy and hard work and has little interest in having a daughter.

Things have improved since I got my dog though, as they absolutely love each other. So he's nice to me so he can come over all the bloody time just to see her.

Auntiepatricia · 05/02/2019 19:28

Mum. But although it’s taken me a long time to understand my dad I now see that we were a clash of personalities and he’s a really wonderful person. Always did his best for me and my sister.

Pindlesandneedles · 05/02/2019 19:29

I see what you mean. I was also closer to my dad and when my parents split up I chose to live with him. However my mum was a bit of a nightmare. Now I have my own children I feel that both me and my husband have an important role. I wouldn’t want my children to be without either of us!

AlwaysSomethingThere · 05/02/2019 19:30

Both my best friends I was a very lucky kid. My Mum is who I confide in, my Dad is who I like to impress

NCjustforthisthread · 05/02/2019 19:31

Dad. He had affairs (still has them at 70) worked all the time but I adored him, mum put up with him, cares for him, forgave every affair. I feel awful for her.

werideatdawn · 05/02/2019 19:32

My dad. Even now at nearly 30 he is the most important person in my world besides my kids and husband. We talk multiple times a day, he is a fantastic grandparent. Yeah he's just amazing. I hope its a long way off but I get massive anxiety at the thought of him not being around. I get along with my mum but I've always been closer to my dad from being really little.

Original poster
Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 19:33

I get that. If there's something wrong, I'll call my Mum.

When I get a new job or promotion or something, I'll call my Dad.

OP posts:
Rainbowsandcupcakes · 05/02/2019 19:33

Neither. I was pretty neglected by both parents growing up. Only have contact with my dad now but relationship is strained tbh

letsdolunch321 · 05/02/2019 19:34

Mum, I have never felt loved by my dad. Dad had various affairs and mum stood by him. I feel now karma has reared its head by giving my dad illness.

Had my mum had a better life with my dad, she may not have died 20yrs ago. I believe stress helped bring her illness on.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/02/2019 19:34

Much closer to my mum. I love my dad but he was rubbish when we were little, total workaholic, drank too much, left my mum to do everything, struggled to embrace our interests when he was rarely around.

When my parents divorced he had to step up, get to know us a bit, cook for us, do some actual parenting. He wasn’t ever great at it but since we’ve all become adults he’s really come into his own and I admire a lot about him, including his work, his quiet wisdom, his sense of humour, the way he supports us all and his relationship with my husband which is a beautiful thing!

I feel responsible for my mum in a way which I now find quite stressful, it’s not an easy parent relationship anymore. But I bloody adore her, she’s amazing and if I’m half the mother she was my children will be very lucky.

ReaganSomerset · 05/02/2019 19:35

Urgh. They're both horrendous at times. Probably my dad, until I was a teenager.

callieisdoingit · 05/02/2019 19:35

I was close to my mum growing up but when I moved out I became closer to my dad.

Gatehouse77 · 05/02/2019 19:36

Neither.
I rarely turn to family in a crisis. It's DH or I deal with it on my own. Occasionally, my sister or one brother; very rarely my other brother.

ClashCityRocker · 05/02/2019 19:37

My dad for me.

Which is a shame as my mum had to very much do the day to day drudge. In hindsight I can see objectively he was a bit of a shit husband. He couldn't (or wouldn't) cook, clean or sort out the general life admin. But then he was the one who always had time to spend with me (probably because mum was busy trying to keep hearth and home together with a clutch of children underfoot...)

I mean, I love my mum to bits but I have more in common with my dad. It's like my dad always saw us as individuals whereas with my mum it was just 'the children'.

I've no doubt she's got the sticky end of the stick here. It's quite sad.

Original poster
Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 19:37

Sorry Gatehouse, just to clarify, I'm talking about when you were a kid. Not how you are now.

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TrueFriendsStabYouInTheFront · 05/02/2019 19:42

My dad definitely. Always as a child and even still now. He was and is the best dad anyone could wish for. He worked so hard because my mother couldn't be arsed, but he still took us to the park, daytrips etc when he could.

When I was a teenager it was him I'd confide in. When I was 16 I asked him to take me to the drs to go on the pill for example. I could never have asked my mum. Bless him he even had to take me and my sister to m&s to one of the lovely ladies for our first ever bra fitting. My mum just refused to acknowledge we needed it and apparently couldn't afford it despite buying herself new clothes ever Saturday.

Original poster
Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 19:44

Clashcityrocker I agree.
My Mum was quite a young Mum, 21 I think with my elder brother. I arrived close to 3 years later, so, at 24 approx. she was left with a baby and a toddler, while my Dad worked two jobs.
My Mum did all the housework, all the caring, although, my Dad had to get up for the night feeds too apparently. It felt like she hated us, so I guess that's why my Dad is my hero to me. He got me. He was so so kind.

Through the years, and I'm quite old now (41), I have come to understand what my mother might have gone through personally.

But it was always Daddy for me. Unquestioning.

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Gatehouse77 · 05/02/2019 19:44

Oh, ok. Same except Dh wasn't in the picture.
My mother was more focused on her work and my brothers.
My father only wanted to know about anything he could boast about otherwise I was just a disappointment and felt like I was a nuisance.

Beamur · 05/02/2019 19:46

My Mum.
LC with Dad.

BackforGood · 05/02/2019 19:46

Neither really. I guess, as a smaller child, Dad did 'more exciting things' as is often the way - he didn't have the drudgery of bed time etc (as he was out working) and when we saw him it tended to be to 'go out somewhere' with him even if it were a trip to the tip, so if you'd asked me when I was about 8, I'd probably have said Dad.
But, as I grew up, I grew closer to my Mum.

I wish she were still alive so I can tell her how much more I understand things she said and did when we were teens, that I rebelled a bit against at the time, now that my dc have gone through that stage. Sad

Original poster
Donmesswime · 05/02/2019 19:51

Ye, when Dad is out working all the time, you don't really get to see them do you, so they're a joy when you snatch 5 mins on their knee.
Funny really when you think about it.

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SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 05/02/2019 19:55

I was closer to my mum as a child but in adulthood my dad.I love them both dearly but me and my dad share a sense of humour and views so have more in common

Designerenvy · 05/02/2019 19:56

Mum, now and always .