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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu vomiting and school run

76 replies

MRSMARMITE3 · 04/02/2019 20:55

So I'm 28 weeks pregnant. School run is an 35 minute walk there and the same again back. I don't drive and work evenings so I do it with my child. DH works 8:30-5:30 a 30 minute commute away. I've been projectile vomiting on and off all day (not from the pregnancy) walked to get my child after school. Got half way down the road of his school and threw up three times then again when got home. Been sick twice more since then. Just asked DH if I'm still being sick (I've still got mega stomach cramps) tomorrow if he will take DS to school and go to work late. He said no and that I will have to keep DS off school (he's 6 if that makes any difference). He thinks it's ridiculous that if I'm ill he should be late.

OP posts:
NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom · 04/02/2019 22:10

How does your 'D'H propose you look after your 6 year old, whilst being so ill???

What an absolute knob. Tell him to get his priorities straight and make arrangements to get HIS child to school. If that means getting him to breakfast club, or getting to work late, so be it. Not your problem as you are too ill. Expecting someone with norovirus to walk anywhere, let alone a 35 minute walk to school, is preposterous, let alone someone who is also growing another human at the same time.

@Thesnobbymiddleclassone Well isn't that wonderful? Are you expecting a medal of some sort? If you'd bothered to actually read the OP then you might have noticed that she doesn't have HG, she is ILL. Perhaps a little sympathy might not go amiss, if you can spare the time during your smugness and self-congratulation...

Balaboosteh · 04/02/2019 22:17

Threads like this make me want to cry. Why oh why would anybody treat their partner so callously?

Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 04/02/2019 22:22

He's just come up stairs cos I called him to bring the anti vac spray as I've just vomited (only a tiny bit cos I've only sipped water). I've told him I've got a friend to take DS tomorrow and he said why am I stressing and we can talk about it in the morning. In the morning have 40 minutes to get ready then leave the house and DH will leave before us, plus he gives someone a lift to work so I think it's a bit odd to talk about it in the morning. I don't think I have noro as don't have the shits. Just project vomiting.

OP posts:
reallyanotherone · 04/02/2019 22:22

I love the mn idea that surgeons all work crazy hours. Is it just my hospital where the consultants work hours that allow them to do school runs?

Being in work for 9 am is hardly “crazy hours”

It’s just an example of the kind of job where sometimes a planned event can’t be missed, understandably. A surgeon with a planned surgery would be letting his patient and staff down, and costing the nhs lots of money being late without warning. Same could be said for a barrister due in court.

At my work people come in after the school run sometimes. Key point is unless it’s an absolute emergency they don’t do it without arranging cover first.

Highonthehill · 04/02/2019 22:24

What a prize dick.

If the CEO of his work asked him to do a bit of work because they were sick would he say no... they have to come in and do it them selves? No he wouldn't.

This is the same thing, you are phoning in sick to work and he needs to pick up the slack in your home life business. Your child needs to get to school and he needs to use leave or flex time or unpaid parental leave or whatever to do it.

I had d&v last week. On the 2 days I have off to look after dd (not school age) he came home early to look after her (not me!) Because I was in no fit state to do it.

GabsAlot · 04/02/2019 22:27

so hes got time to take someone else in to work but not his son

lovely

Highonthehill · 04/02/2019 22:28

Dh came home that is not he.....

Talk about it in the morning! That's a good way to avoid the issue.

Btw I had d&v which started off as vomiting... thought I was over it then then shits started... didn't eat for a week and lost about 4lb.

If got can drink lots of Lucozade. Helps replenish the fluids in your body.

Schmoobarb · 04/02/2019 22:30

My husband was like this to me once. I was at home feeling like death with it coming out both ends looking after a baby and toddler and he refused to come home.

Fast forward a few days and he was lying crying on the bathroom floor asking me to come home from work and take the kids to the CM😤🤬

Thurmanmurman · 04/02/2019 22:32

Let’s hope you’re ‘d’H gets the lurgy and if he does don’t you dare lift a finger to help him OP. He sounds horrible.

Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 04/02/2019 22:37

Schmoobarb wtf! I hope you still went to work when he was ill! Hes just messaged his boss who said it's ok to be late. Why couldn't he do that hours ago? Why did I have to have a go at him twice for him to do that.

OP posts:
Butterfly84 · 04/02/2019 22:38

Am I understanding right that you vomitted when you were out? As in public? That sounds really horrible.

Your DH is being really out of order by not stepping in for the school run. Can he not imagine being sick on a busy pavement? And he wants you to risk this again.

I'm glad you've find a solution with your friend, but now you need to find a solution to solve your awful DH problem.

Butterfly84 · 04/02/2019 22:40

OP, too little too late IMO. He's put unecessary stress on you when you're ill and struggling. I would still be annoyed if I were you.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 04/02/2019 22:43

Wow. You're only carrying one of his children and trying to get another one to school while enduring a sickness bug. Why on earth would he want to pitch in?

What a dick.

I hope he gets it. Do nothing for him, nothing! if he does.

Pumpkintopf · 04/02/2019 22:53

He sounds like an arse unless as op have said he is performing life saving surgery first thing. (I'm guessing not, as his boss has now said he could be late).

Totally agree he should have messaged his boss hours ago rather than stressing you,his pregnant poorly wife, out.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 04/02/2019 22:55

When I had rotavirus and norovirus, there was no bum-spewing, just mouth-spewing, so it's still probably one of those. These days I'm more likely to explode from the arse, but that's a genuinely regular thing because my bowels are fucked. TMI though probably.

This is the sort of chain of events which has set my mental health problems off since Xmas, because the OH doesn't help til it's too late or I've made other arrangements. He's absolutely lovely, adorable, can't imagine people like him exist after the hells I've been through. Except he's shite at organising it getting round to things. And this last 6-8 weeks it's taken a toll on my health. He's just mega unhousetrained. And I have chronic illnesses.

Whatever happened to in sickness and in health? He's an arse and it's great he's stepped up but he doesn't seem to understand the mental load you've been bearing, and while ill

MidniteScribbler · 04/02/2019 22:59

Would the school be willing to help? My DD’s school are lovely and will pick up and drop off if parents are struggling/poorly.

Why should the school provide a taxi service when the child has a perfectly capable parent who can do the drop off?

MrDarcyWillBeMine · 04/02/2019 22:59

I’ve really enjoyed reading these comments as my DP (soon to be DH) actually is a surgeon and actually would be missing emergency operations to ‘flex’ around me yet I’ve been told repeatedly in other threads that ‘family comes first’ and ‘it doesn’t matter what he does, he has home responsibilities’ and made out that I’m being over dramatic by saying ‘I feel like I can’t ask him to step in as it would have such negative consequences for somebody else’.

🤔😒

OP your DP is an absoloute ASS and that’s coming from someone who is WELL versed in sharing their DP with a demanding career!

MidniteScribbler · 04/02/2019 23:58

I’ve really enjoyed reading these comments as my DP (soon to be DH) actually is a surgeon and actually would be missing emergency operations to ‘flex’ around me

Shit happens. Put it in the same category as if he woke up in the morning and was vomiting, would you expect him to go to work? It goes the other way, if you're throwing up and unable to get out of bed, then he will have to step up.

Expecting him to be late to go to work because you want to catch the early class at the gym would be unreasonable. Asking him to parent his own child in an emergency is not.

Highonthehill · 05/02/2019 00:59

@mrdarcywillbemine

As your dh has this level of job do you have support in place for times of need , parents, in laws, siblings, friends neighbours ect? Someone you can call on last minute?

OneStepSideways · 05/02/2019 08:44

You're not unreasonable, you shouldn't be doing the school run while vomiting!!

If getting to work late is a problem for him, can he take son to breakfast club or a friend's house so he gets to work on time?

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2019 08:48

I'm so sorry you're married to such an inconsiderate idiot, glad it's sorted

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 05/02/2019 08:56

I'm not expectinf a medal, you just get up and get on with it.

Why should her DH be an HOUR late for work? My boss would flip if that happened.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2019 09:25

Why should her DH be an HOUR late for work
Because he has a child who needs to go to school?? That's a joint responsibility which means that if one is busy and one isn't, the latter should do it. And if one is vomiting constantly and one isn't, the latter should do it.

reallyanotherone · 05/02/2019 09:31

Why should her DH be an HOUR late for work? My boss would flip if that happened

Seems a bit extreme? Unless you are a worker as above and are letting down a load of people waiting for their brain surgery/court case/murder investigation.

I work for one of the most uptight organisations going. Correct addressing of senior staff, strict dress codes etc. Even we don’t bat an eyelid if someone says childcare problems, i will be a bit late/leave a bit early. Most people have kids and usually a colleague will stay on that hour or come in early.

Not letting people know, yes you’d get a row unless you were dying and couldn’t pick up the phone. You’d get a row if you took the piss, and colleagues would soon stop doing you favours if you didn’t return.

But once or twice a year? I’d be finding someone else to work for if that led to someone “flipping” because i was knee deep in vomit at home and needed to drop children at school.

CocoLoco87 · 05/02/2019 09:41

Definitely lick his mug and use his toothbrush. Then when he's throwing up everywhere ask him to walk your child to school. See what he does then!! Flowers for you and I hope you feel better soon Cake