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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take premature babies outside for the day?

42 replies

Seline · 04/02/2019 19:42

I know I'm not, this is to show DH because he doesn't believe me.

We had very premature twins born 26 weeks. One had a lot of health problems and needed extensive CPR and was expected to die, but both survived thank God. She possibly has cerebral palsy if that's relevant, we don't know yet and I don't think it matters for this question. Ihaven't braved going out much with them yet because it's been freezing and trying to get into a routine with twins is very difficult.

Today I managed it and took the kids out for about two hours while he was at work. I was really excited and told him and instead of being happy he's worried. He asked me not to take them out again and not without telling him, at first I was a bit annoyed but when I asked why he said it's because he's scared of them getting an illness from being around people and from being in an "unclean" environment. He also thinks they'll get cold despite me wrapping them in blankets. He has asked me not to take them out for long periods of time.

AIBU to tell him, nicely of course, that he's being ridiculous and that it's perfectly safe to take them outside?

They're now 3 and a half months old actual.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 04/02/2019 19:44

I assume they are home and all their medical needs are being met?

What does he expect you to do? Stay in forever?? Shock

hidinginthenightgarden · 04/02/2019 19:47

Your house is an "unclean environment" too. All the dust in the air, un-ventilated air etc. I get he is worried but you will be worse off, mentally and physically for staying indoors 24/7.

BentNeckLady · 04/02/2019 19:48

You have to go out. You babies need to get used to life as normal babies they are going to need to encounter noise and light and germs. You need some life back too!

You’re doing fabulously, keep it up :)

Original poster
Seline · 04/02/2019 19:48

Yes they're home. They've got no extra medical needs other than DD has tremors which we've been told to just monitor.

OP posts:
Foxyscarf · 04/02/2019 19:49

Your DH is being ridiculous.

Original poster
Seline · 04/02/2019 19:50

That's what I said. At times I feel quite sad and depressed because the birth was horrible and there was a very real risk at one point that all three of us would die and then for ages it looked like DD would, I hate being stuck indoors all the time. I've told him this and he said he's not trying to be controlling and banning me from doing it he's just worried.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 04/02/2019 19:50

Can you look for any twin baby groups near you? Bet you would get lots of support there and can share it with dh to reassure him it's fine to have a normal life!

Teaplease2 · 04/02/2019 19:51

I’ve had 2 premature babies 29 and 31 weeks. I can understand why your husband is being cautious but yes he’s being ridiculous. Sorry!
When we brought my 29 weeker home I had visitors wash hands before holding her and if anyone had a cold etc I would ask them to stay away because they can pick up things easily and can become sick very quickly, however I would always try and get out each day if only for my own sanity! As long as they are wrapped up well as you would any baby then there’s no harm in it at all!

Original poster
Seline · 04/02/2019 19:51

Shows him these replies and he said "but is it safe for the babies? Is it actually safe for them?"

YES DH IT IS SAFE. YES IT IS.

OP posts:
DewDropsonKittens · 04/02/2019 19:52

Your DH is being over protective which is understandable

However, if they never go out their lungs won't be used to fresh air, sleep can be restricted

Need to get out every day

smilethoyourheartisbreaking · 04/02/2019 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Josieannathe2nd · 04/02/2019 19:54

I would guess it’s coming from a place of concern (unless your DH has a history of being controlling?) He’s watched you and the twins almost die and now he has to go and leave you each day to work and can’t look after you & it’s probably really worrying that they might get ill, or you might have a rough time. I think you just need to give him lots of reassurance. Maybe send him a pic so he can see that they are fine? But you and the babies do need to be getting out and getting confident at doing normal life, baby groups, shops etc.

Original poster
Seline · 04/02/2019 19:54

Teaplease2 thank you I showed him that reply and he's reassured by it because you've had two prems yourself.

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 04/02/2019 19:55

I think it's a very good thing for you and your babies to go out if you can (least of all for your own sanity, and to give the twins new experiences).
As long as your babies' doctors haven't said you shouldn't go out, then there's no reason why you shouldn't. (Sorry, lots of negatives in that sentence but you get the gist).
Reading between the lines, it sounds like your dh is very worried about their health. Perhaps you and he should have a chat with the doctors together about what is reasonable so he can stop worrying so much.

Original poster
Seline · 04/02/2019 19:56

unless your DH has a history of being controlling

No he doesn't. He's just panicking because of what happened.

OP posts:
eurochick · 04/02/2019 19:56

I had a premmie and took her out to our local market the day after we got her back from hospital. Challenging their immune systems is really important. That's not to say that you should thrust them in front of someone coughing and spluttering but just letting them come into contact with normal human life.

Btw, I think both allergies and leukaemia have now been shown to be linked to too clean environments so shutting them away could be actively harmful.

SummersB · 04/02/2019 19:59

Congratulations first of all! It must be wonderful to have them home at last!
I’m a neonatal nurse and the advice I usually give is this: if you take them out make sure you wrap them up really well when outside, especially if they are still small for their age. They do get cold really quickly if they are small, but I’m sure you know this Smile also, if you haven’t long come out of hospital I would avoid crowded places (eg picking up older kids from school and taking them into the school yard) and definitely discourage people from leaning into the pram/touching them. They have been used to a relatively clean environment where their exposure to different germs is quite limited and they need to acclimatise. Prem especially are very prone to picking up viruses such as the RSV Virus (flu type virus) and it can make them very, very ill. Even if theyhave had an RSV immunisation it will not protect them 100%. Apart from these precautions you are good to go! Enjoy the fresh air with them. And all the best for the future Flowers

mycatplotsdeath · 04/02/2019 20:01

Dd2 was premature. She was allowed home when she was still under 4lb and we went out for a walk every day.
She is 22 now and is totally fine

BentNeckLady · 04/02/2019 20:01

When my 27 weeker was discharged we were told to pretty much get on with it and I remember being terrified the first time we went out but it was fine. I had to fend of a few people wanting to touch him but as long as they’re in warm and comfortable they it’s perfectly safe. It’s no different to being at home.

SummersB · 04/02/2019 20:02

Oh and obviously you are eventually absolutely fine to take them anywhere and let them be handled by anyone you chose! An overly clean environment is definitely not good in the long run! But just be a bit cautious in the beginning.

Original poster
Seline · 04/02/2019 20:03

Thanks everyone. We have a three year old too so it's not as if our house is super clean and childfree anyway! I only took them out to a cafe with my mum, people were very curious to look at them but no one coughed on them or anything. One of them is small but the other one is like a large newborn now.

OP posts:
GoodStuffAnnie · 04/02/2019 20:05

Massive sympathies to your dh. I would be the same!!

If I were you I would send him a photo when your out. I would ease him (and the twins in). I would go out every other day for a couple of weeks and only outside (the woods etc). Then after that for about 1 month I would start going to other places (garden centres grandmas house shops etc). I wouldn’t go anywhere children are. When dt’s were 6 months / April time I would venture to more kiddie places (if u want to). A music class. Etc.

GoodStuffAnnie · 04/02/2019 20:07

I see you have a three year old!! That changes stuff. Just send him lots of photos. Listen to his concerns and ask him if he thinks they’ve got enough clothes on etc.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 04/02/2019 20:07

It's very stressful - one of my DCs was born with additional medical challenges and very small and my DH found it the same. At first I was impatient but I also realised it because he was off at work and it's much harder when you as a parent have no ability to help or control - and fwiw j would have felt exactly the same about him taking him out too.

So like all the others, think your DH does need to relax but also sympathise a lot. Does he have other parents to talk to? Often as mothers we are able to build like minded support networks but fathers are not, it helped DH when he met other dads with kids going through the same thing.

Original poster
Seline · 04/02/2019 20:11

He doesn't know many other dads. To be honest we don't have many parent friends. We booked NCT to make them but my waters went at 25 and 6 which kind of ruined that idea.

OP posts: