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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share my food all the time! (Light-hearted...kind of)

44 replies

OhFeckingHell · 04/02/2019 18:18

So firstly, I really do care about my step kids. They are a lovely pair and my gripe isn't with them.

But oh my God, my DH drives me nuts with this (I admit fairly minor) habit!

Basically every time we are eating, he will offer whatever we are having to the children (if we aren't having the same thing).

For example, quite often they stay for a few hours (separate to their nights with us) if their mother has something she needs to do after work and will have already had their tea. They usually end up here when me and DH are just about to have our own tea and every time he will say 'do you want some of this' and cut mine and his portions in half to give to the children who then usually say they don't like it and leave it.

Recently I've been asked by the doctor to cut out certain foods to try and isolate something they believe I'm having a reaction to. The alternative isn't very tasty so I buy this for myself and then DH and the kids have something else. Yet every time when mine is being dished up he'll ask the kids if they want to 'try' some of what I'm having and will sure enough take a slab off my plate for them!

If I ever buy a chocolate bar for myself I hear him telling them if they ask nicely I may share it with them. Which is fine by the way but it's every. time. It's as if I have to hide it from him as well if I ever want more than a square of chocolate to myself.

I snapped the other day and asked him not to offer a portion of my 'special' food because it just goes to waste, they never like it and then I have to buy more for me.

I sound like a greedy cow but it drives me bloody bonkers! I don't mind sharing and will often ask if they want to try some if there is plenty to go around and we haven't already started cooking but I just want to be able to eat something without worrying it's about to be cut in two!

OP posts:
WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 04/02/2019 18:21

You don't sound greedy, his behaviour is ridiculous. Have you talked to him properly about it?

Houseonahill · 04/02/2019 18:24

That's mad. I'm all for kids trying things but to then give them half your meal for them to not eat seems ridiculous, especially if they have already eaten.

Original poster
OhFeckingHell · 04/02/2019 18:27

Ok thank you. I was worried about coming across as the wicked stepmother not wanting to share her chocolate...!

He says how it's because he wants them to try things which is fine, I'm all for it. I'll make sure to buy nice new things for them to eat when I shop etc... But it's always stuff that they never eat.

The other day I could have killed him when he cut our steaks in half (they'd already eaten) to watch them push it round their plate and finally say they didn't like it Sad

It's allllll the time. It seems like a weird problem I know but honestly. Every time.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 04/02/2019 18:28

Yanbu.

Touch my plate, feel my fork.

Original poster
OhFeckingHell · 04/02/2019 18:29

I do need to speak in private to him again. It's hard at the time because he'll just shout 'who wants some of this' when dishing up so I can't say no when they are rushing in to get some!

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 04/02/2019 18:30

Seriously though, I'd be telling him to split his plate three ways if he wants to give them some and not to dare touch mine.

What a fucking cheek.

HollowTalk · 04/02/2019 18:30

You need a cupboard/freezer/fridge for things just for the children, when they arrive unexpectedly. If he stole my dinner, I wouldn't be responsible for the consequences!

SleepingStandingUp · 04/02/2019 18:31

I think you need to have a talk to him when the kids aren't there and it isn't meal times.

"Please stop wasting food, making the kids uncomfortable and me mad I can never eat a whole meal. If they've eaten and they want a taste, then let them have a bit of yours but trying to give them a second tea, when we haven't even cooked for them, is ridiculous. If you really want to feed them, then cook extra"

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 04/02/2019 18:31

Op I don't share my chocolate with anyone.
You are entitled to not share.
Your dh sounds a knob.

Original poster
OhFeckingHell · 04/02/2019 18:32

I feel like I'm being dramatic, clutching my steak and threatening anyone who comes near Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
OhFeckingHell · 04/02/2019 18:35

To be fair, he really isn't a knob. I think he thinks he's trying to be kind (at my expense annoyingly though).

I will speak to him again now I have reassurance I'm not being a witch! Grin

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 04/02/2019 18:39

He is treating you like another dc expecting you to share and stealing off you to appease them!! In his head obviously if they don't even want it!! Hardly showing you to be an equal imo. They must think you are a right mug!!

SleepingStandingUp · 04/02/2019 18:48

Well he's taking off his own too so I thinking calling him a knob and treating OP like a child is stretching it. He's just being inconsiderate surely and if OP has never actually said "no, don't do that", and has just tutted to herself, he doesn't even know he's pissing her off.

OP do you get prior warning about the kids coming over? I'd make a point of telling him he needs to cook extra if he's going to try and force some on his fed kids

shiningstar2 · 04/02/2019 18:55

I think he is falling over himself to make sure the kids don't feel left out ...but in a way that isn't really necessary ...especially on days they have come for a few extra hours and have already had their tea.

I think I would offer them something ...is it a while since you had your tea ...would you like some fruit/chocolate/cheese and biscuits/crisps. However no need to offer them your tea. That way noone need feel uncomfortable while you are eating and kids do get peckish sometimes an hour or so after eating,

I don't mean you should offer them all of above lol ...just suggestions of possible snacks.

Original poster
OhFeckingHell · 04/02/2019 18:57

fruit/chocolate/cheese and biscuits/crisps

I don't mean you should offer them all of above lol

They'd eat all that Grin

OP posts:
longtimelurkerhelen · 04/02/2019 19:04

What maniac shares chocolate?

Original poster
OhFeckingHell · 04/02/2019 19:09

longtimelurkerhelen

I KNOW RIGHT.

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 04/02/2019 19:09

He's not really doing his children any favours trying to get them to eat two meals - they obviously aren't still hungry as they have already eaten and are not eating the stuff hes sharing. Does the children's mum know he is trying to encourage them to overeat. Their bodies are telling them they are full but he;s trying to push more food on them - that's weird. he needs to stop.
And you don't help yourself to someone else's food - that's not setting them a very good example either, thinking it's ok to filch stuff of other people's plates.
Sounds like they are nice kids and he's trying to make them into rude greedy kids - why would he do that ?

Eliza9917 · 04/02/2019 19:14

Why do they say they'll have some if they never eat it?

Do they play with it and waste it and then get junk?

Or are they not hungry at all so don't get anything else?

In which case, why make them have some?

Original poster
OhFeckingHell · 04/02/2019 19:15

I don't think he's trying to purposefully over feed them for a particular reason or purposefully turn them into greedy children. Usually it's a portion of what we're having so the steak example, they had part of our steaks but they didn't have a full meal i.e. they didn't have the chips etc...

I think it's like others say above, partly him wanting them to try new things and partly him not wanting them to feel left out whilst we eat.

It isn't forced either, he asks and they say yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhFeckingHell · 04/02/2019 19:16

Why do they say they'll have some if they never eat it?

Because they do want it but then often decide they don't like it. (They are quite fussy eaters).

OP posts:
Hazlenutpie · 04/02/2019 19:18

It's him, he completely out of order. You need to tell him to stop doing it. I would go totally ape shit if someone tried to take my food. Grin

PivotPivotPivottt · 04/02/2019 19:21

This would do my head in. You do not sound like a wicked stepmother! When I was younger my dad offered me a Quality Street and I asked if there was any green ones as these were my favourite. He rummaged through the tin and found the last one at which point my step mum grabbed it out his hands, stuffed it in her mouth and laughed. Still annoys me whenever I think about it AngryGrin.

I remember my ex's mum turning up one night just as our Chinese take away arrived and sharing it with her. I could have cried Grin.

MrsTerryPratcett · 04/02/2019 19:26

If they're fussy it's far better to give a bite. A whole plate of something is more difficult. So get him to offer a bite of his, if they actually want it, they can have some.

givemesteel · 04/02/2019 19:29

No it's really weird. I think I would go for it from the angle of that it doesn't teach them very good boundaries / manners about their / other people's food. I'm always surprised when I get kids coming to your house saying can I have xyz that they've spied in the kitchen without being offered. I give it to them but I think it shows poor upbringing.

Also terrible lesson about portion control, ie have your dinner then have second dinner again, like a bloody hobbit. I'm sure they're not overweight but it's that kind of thing that teaches kids to overeat at a young age.

So... You have plenty of reasons - your special diet, teaching manners, teaching portion control.

That said, there's no way I'd get away with eating chocolate without my dc wanting some so perhaps you can just eat it in another room when they're there, your dinner isn't the same as a treat.