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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends and Holiday Money

40 replies

furryjammies · 04/02/2019 17:23

I have NC for this and changed some of the details. Myself and a few friends had booked a short trip. We each paid a deposit of say £50 each. Remainder of money was due and one friend decides she no longer fancies it. Due to logistics, room divisions etc. we all cancelled - we have our reasons - there was no point in going - nothing to do with transport or anything. Anyway the friend who wasn't going offered to pay back our deposits, which the other friends said yes to. It is further complicated because all of the people were going had paid the money into my account - a direct debit was set up and I have their money. They have been repaid from this account, however, I felt it wasn't fair for me to take the money as well meaning that the friend who didn't want to go would be about £200 out of pocket. The rest think I'm a mug. What would you do?

OP posts:
sprinkleofsunshine · 04/02/2019 17:27

I'm not sure I'm following, why was the friends who decided not to go open to paying the deposits? If you all cancelled for your own reasons then you forfeit your own deposits?

Hollowvictory · 04/02/2019 17:28

I think the others should still have gone and if they chose not to they aren't due £50 from the friend who cancelled. However friend who cancelled offered and they accepted. I'm assuming everyone is happy. If not they need to say so.

Original poster
furryjammies · 04/02/2019 17:28

The rest of us would still have gone but due to room division and a few other things it was actually going to cost us a lot more because one person pulled out. She offered to pay it back and the rest jumped at the chance.

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 04/02/2019 17:29

There's your answer then. She offered they jumped at it. Not a problem.

Original poster
furryjammies · 04/02/2019 17:29

The ones that accepted the money are happy but the one who offered is fizzing they said yes!

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 04/02/2019 17:30

She wouldn’t have offered if she hadn’t been willing to pay. It’s not wrong to accept an offer like that.

Hollowvictory · 04/02/2019 17:30

Why did she offer then? She'll learn a lesson not to make offers you don't mean. A useful one.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 04/02/2019 17:30

I don’t understand at all. Would you be £200 out of pocket instead? Or do you mean you’d forfeit your £50 deposit and she’d be £150 out of pocket?

Original poster
furryjammies · 04/02/2019 17:30

The issue is, am I a mug for not taking the money?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 04/02/2019 17:30

the one who offered is fizzing they said yes!

Why did she offer then? More fool her.

Original poster
furryjammies · 04/02/2019 17:32

WillYouDoTheFandango yes, so she's now say £150 out of pocket including her own deposit but would have been £200 out of pocket if I had taken the money. I have lost £50.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 04/02/2019 17:32

She shouldn't have offered then if she's angry now!

Hollowvictory · 04/02/2019 17:32

Regardless of whether you're a mug you didn't take the money. Move on. It's in the rear view mirror.

Original poster
furryjammies · 04/02/2019 17:33

PurpleDaisie someone mentioned on a chat that we had lost our deposits and she felt obliged.

OP posts:
DanglyBangly · 04/02/2019 17:33

I’d take it because she didn’t even have a good reason for pulling out - no longer fancies it?! Plus she offered....

Original poster
furryjammies · 04/02/2019 17:33

Yes I probably won't take it - she says she is skint, although this is technically not true.

OP posts:
TarragonSauce · 04/02/2019 17:34

It depends how good a friend she is, and how much blame you apportion to her cancellation in your decision to cancel too.

If she offered and is now 'fizzing' because others accepted her offer, well that's her pigeon as my cockney Nan used to say (I dunno what it actually means, but she used to say it in similar circumstances).

WillYouDoTheFandango · 04/02/2019 17:34

Ah. Well if you chose to cancel and did that knowing you’d lose £50 then fair enough to not accept the money.

As the other posters said she really shouldn’t have made an insincere offer and get pissed off when she’s taken up on it.

Original poster
furryjammies · 04/02/2019 17:34

There was no real reason - just didn't fancy it any more. Not the first time it's happened but first time we have actually paid something up front.

OP posts:
Original poster
furryjammies · 04/02/2019 17:35

To be honest it's caused ructions and I'm piggy in the middle!

OP posts:
rookiemere · 04/02/2019 17:35

She did the right thing offering the money and the others were entitled to accept it.
It was good of her to offer to do the right thing so I'm not sure why she's annoyed that people have accepted. If I was in the same situation, would I accept the £50. - not sure depends how close a friend and her reason for pulling out.

DanglyBangly · 04/02/2019 17:37

Well, if she’s got form fir this kind of thing, then I can see why the others took her up on her offer.

She doesn’t sound like a very nice person, to be honest.

Knitwit101 · 04/02/2019 17:38

I assume there was maybe a way that you could have rearranged, gone another time, found someone else to take her place, everyone else paid more, but you decided on balance to just cancel because it was less hassle.

I don't think the cancelling friend is obliged to give anyone their money back. And I wouldn't take it if she offered. I don't think that makes me a mug. So no, I don't think you're a mug either. I think your other friends were a bit greedy tbh.

Greyhound22 · 04/02/2019 17:38

I think it probably serves her right if she has form for doing this.

However - you probably now come out of it looking the best imo so I would be a bit miffed about £50 but let it go.

Original poster
furryjammies · 04/02/2019 17:39

We are all very good friends but there was no real reason to pull out. I was told to pay out the other two from the account, which I did. I'm not overly bothered about losing the money but she keeps telling about all this stuff she has just bought and I think maybe I should have taken it - I'm not exactly rolling in it!

OP posts: