To be annoyed at both his Facebook post and the replies?

[notyourmummy]

To set the scene, I work one afternoon at the weekend and DH has both children for approximately 5hrs (although smallest child is asleep for at least 2 of those hours). Yesterday he took them out to a local place and posted pictures on Facebook, with a status saying that he'd left the house in a mess but at least nobody had died. Several of his friends have commented along the lines of "well, what else does she expect?" Firstly, the house was a total tip when I got in from work, so as well as making the Sunday Roast and doing the packed lunches for the next day, I had to put the washing machine on, wash up, hoover and mop. I'd never expect him to do all these things when he gets home from work,but then to post on Facebook basically taking the P and his mates' responses - I feel like I might have travelled back to the Dark Ages and should be giving him a medal for taking his own children out for a couple of hours?!!

Hmm can see both sides.

He is right, no one did die. But he can't have wrecked the house in a couple hours? What did he do that meant washing needed to be done?

It's sound like some of what you did was usual jobs. But why are you doing it all and a Sunday roast? Did you really need to come and do all the yourself?

Why don't you exepct him to do at least a bit of work during the week?

Oh but I see why the post pissed you off.

I can see why it pisses you off - mainly because it seems to hit a nerve that DH sees himself as super dad for looking after the kids for a few hours while you're holding down the fort, going out to work and doing all the housework too. If he was pulling his weight you'd probably take it as toungue and cheek.

Just reply

It’s ok honey, I’m back now from the 1950s and ready to get to grips with the housework!

The issue is with his friends’ responses rather than the original status update your H posted. How did he reply to those?

I'd post a comment saying "She doesn't expect much, just for her children's father to contribute towards looking after them and keeping their home in decent order while she is contributing towards their family finances. Same as she does when he's working, really. That alright with you, Dave? (Or whatever his mates name is)". He s not doing you a favour by looking after his own children and it wouldn't have killed him to have a tidy up as well!

Why does he have to post such a mundane thing on Facebook?

Perhaps you and DH should sit down and have a calm chat about what is expected in the way of household chores by each of you, particularly when DH is in sole charge at home while you’re at your weekend work.
It’s manifestly unfair if you’re expected to do the chores plus mind the kids, but he only has to mind the kids.
You need to explore his mindset here - does he regard himself as an equal partner, with shared responsibility for the house and kids, or does he think all that is “women’s work” and he is a noble hero for occasionally “helping out”?
Time to lay down some ground rules, OP, and, if necessary, drag your DP into the 21st century!

@Boysandbuses he washed his bike, the towels and cloths have to be washed immediately so that the cleaning stuff doesn't ruin them. It was mostly normal everyday jobs, but I would do them before going out, rather than leaving them to him to do after work.
@BigBagofJelly that's exactly it.
@Babdoc that's exactly how he sees it, he claims that he doesn't see the jobs that need doing whereas I do!

I suppose what I don't get is why you put up with this, but a Facebook post has pissed you off.

It's not the Facebook post, it's the fact that he does nothing only creates more mess.

It's that you should be pissed of at.

It sounds like it might have been a bit tongue-in-cheek self-deprecation on his side; that he's so rubbish he's left a complete mess in the house but at least he was okish enough to have kept them alive for the few hours. It could be seen as funny in the right relationship. I have been tempted to make similar comments myself when I've had a completely rubbish day, especially in the early days of being a new mum. Equally his friends could be playing off the idea that he's rubbish.

So the comments themselves wouldn't have bothered me, but if he wasn't prepared to work with me to clean up the mess and cook the dinner afterwards then that would be a much bigger issue. I tend to do all of the cleaning, but my husband does all of the cooking so I feel it's balanced at least.

But when you're both home together you don't have to do all those things you said, you share the load, surely?

If you're cooking and sorting the packed lunches, then he tidies up, vacuums and sorts the washing, especially as it was his bike cleaning that somehow made it desperately urgent.

Bullshit does he not see the jobs. He admitted that he left the place in a mess on FB. He knew it, but he also knew you'd have to tidy up because you don't want to live in a pigsty. That's bad enough but it was obviously being goady on FB given the remarks in reply. I'd be seething.

YANBU. I would guess you manage to handle kids AND do housework. His mates think he has some additional needs why he can't do the same?

You didn’t have to do the roast and housework, you chose to do it and then moan later. The simple solution was to tell him to either tidy up or cook the roast.

I don't understand why he didn't do it when he got home?

Washed the towel that cleaned his bike!? He should have his own towel just for that and who cares if it's ruined, nobody died

You can't moan about the situation when you enable him by cleaning up his mess.

I'm rather stunned that not only did he post such mundane bollocks on Facebook, but he actually got a reply!

I wouldn't be letting him use good towels to clean his bike if he leaves the mess for you to tidy up, but that's the least of your worries really...

Most mum’s can handle taking their children out for the day and doing the housework before or after. The fact he left the house in a sorry state while you were working and expected you to fix it when you returned would piss me off to no end.

He’s not an amazing Father just because he took his children out for the day, just a normal dad. The FB post would fuck me off too but I would have had to respond sarcastically.

@He11y he was out when I got home from work, if I hadn't have cooked there wouldn't have been any tea for the children when they got home. I could've left the tidying I suppose, but some of it was stuff that needed to be put away before I could lay the table for tea, he normally brings the children back a few minutes before teatime.
@Fairenuff he always brings the children back a few minutes before teatime.

You could ask him what was for tea (given that you’d been out at work all afternoon).

He put a post on FB?! is he 16? For god's sake, does he realise that looking after his children come part and parcel of being a father? Any other redeeming qualities OP? I would have to consider sitting down and splitting everthing half and half - he sounds like an utter waste of space.

I'm surprised you had time to do all those jobs OP. You must've been busy minting the fucking medal and tuning up the brass band he clearly expected for doing (badly) something that you do all the time

Clearly there are far bigger issues than a FB post - so really you are focusing on the wrong thing here.

What are YOU going to do about to change your situation?