Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at both his Facebook post and the replies?

43 replies

notyourmummy · 04/02/2019 10:42

To set the scene, I work one afternoon at the weekend and DH has both children for approximately 5hrs (although smallest child is asleep for at least 2 of those hours). Yesterday he took them out to a local place and posted pictures on Facebook, with a status saying that he'd left the house in a mess but at least nobody had died. Several of his friends have commented along the lines of "well, what else does she expect?" Firstly, the house was a total tip when I got in from work, so as well as making the Sunday Roast and doing the packed lunches for the next day, I had to put the washing machine on, wash up, hoover and mop. I'd never expect him to do all these things when he gets home from work,but then to post on Facebook basically taking the P and his mates' responses - I feel like I might have travelled back to the Dark Ages and should be giving him a medal for taking his own children out for a couple of hours?!!

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 04/02/2019 13:20

that's exactly how he sees it, he claims that he doesn't see the jobs that need doing whereas I do!

So maybe you could reply to his fab post with “Is tidying up another job you ‘can’t see’, except to tell your mates you haven’t done it?”

SilverySurfer · 04/02/2019 13:22

Yet another useless, lazy man-child. I think the FB post is the least of your problems. He knew he left the house in a tip, so he is lying when he says he can't see what needs doing. Then you come home from work and do it all. Why are you enabling him?

I know there are good men out there who do their share of housework and parenting which makes it hard to understand why anyone would settle for anything less.

BiscuitStories · 04/02/2019 13:22

if you are not the one doing the regular childcare, it's hard, so I get his point. I bet if he was the SAH dad he would be fine, because he would have his own routine and would have figured things out.

Honestly, even if I only have been away with work for a week or so, I feel a bit lost when I come home, takes some catching up to be up to speed with the new toddler love/hate of the day!

PinaColada1 · 04/02/2019 13:28

I can see why you are cross, however if you make it all about the Facebook post you’ll lose your main point.

Just get him to do a bit more when he has the kids, as in, make sure he has to make the dinner or he has to bath them or he has to take them to activities for longer while you do it.

The fb posts just exposes him and his rubbish mates for making those remarks. Their wives will see straight through it.

timeisnotaline · 04/02/2019 13:36

Well now you have the evidence he does see the jobs! I agree with others that there is no way I would have done everything- are you hoovering and doing the washing or putting the roast on?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 04/02/2019 13:40

The amusing thing is, if a woman posted this, there would be a rush of other women to tell her that the focus is on the P (Parent) not the H (Home) and who gives a super sized glitter sprinkled shit if the house is a mess.

I presume he was doing that fluffly bollox malarky of 'making memories, hun'.

Mitzimaybe · 04/02/2019 13:49

I would have been furious and no way would I have cleaned up his shit. In fact, I would probably have gone out for tea myself and left him to deal with the mess and get the kids' tea.

If he has ruined towels etc. then he needs to replace them. (Not just give you the money so you can do the actual shopping, but he needs to do all the effort it involves.)

This makes me so cross. Stop putting up with it and facilitating his selfishness and laziness. He has enough time and energy to do the chore which only benefits him (cleaning his bike) but can't be bothered with anything that will benefit the whole family? Fuck that for a game of soldiers. If you have to do it all when you get home then you might as well be a single parent; it wouldn't be any harder.

Mitzimaybe · 04/02/2019 13:50

Sorry, that was long.

In a nutshell - he doesn't give a fuck about anything that doesn't benefit him directly. LTB.

TheCounter · 04/02/2019 14:35

Quite ironic that the thread ditectly above this one is 'Grown adults getting upset over Facebook isn't normal'

Or it was. Before I pressed post.

Mookatron · 04/02/2019 14:39

Surely this is a 'who's she, the cat's mother?' moment?

Strugglingtodomybest · 04/02/2019 17:03

The amusing thing is, if a woman posted this, there would be a rush of other women to tell her that the focus is on the P (Parent) not the H (Home) and who gives a super sized glitter sprinkled shit if the house is a mess.

Exactly! I can see how the Facebook post wound you up, but at least he's taken the kids out, I'd rather that in a parent than one who spends all their time cleaning. Couldn't he hoover and mop after your roast?

SilverySurfer · 04/02/2019 17:32

but at least he's taken the kids out

Do you think he deserves a medal for doing what many men do AND don't leave the house in a shit heap? If a woman is capable of doing both why can't he? Well, of course he could hoover and mop after they had eaten but he didn't did he, he left it all to the OP.

It's hard to understand why so many have set their relationship bar so low and obviously expect little or nothing from their partner.

Boysandbuses · 04/02/2019 18:07

Do you think he deserves a medal for doing what many men do AND don't leave the house in a shit heap? If a woman is capable of doing both why can't he? Well, of course he could hoover and mop after they had eaten but he didn't did he, he left it all to the OP.

No, but if a woman worked fulltime and then took the kids out on a weekend, left a mess and the husband was moaning whilst martyring himself, I don't think they would get that much stick.

Strugglingtodomybest · 05/02/2019 07:13

Do you think he deserves a medal for doing what many men do AND don't leave the house in a shit heap?

That's so clearly not what I said. I said that if rather a parent take their kids out than be cleaning. He can't do both at the same time obviously, so what's wrong with leaving the housework until later? That's what I'd do.

Mitzimaybe · 05/02/2019 17:21

He probably took them out because he couldn't be arsed to cook for them. It doesn't give him any bonus points in my book.

SilverySurfer · 05/02/2019 17:50

so what's wrong with leaving the housework until later?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with leaving the housework until later but he didn't do it later did he - OP did.

Mmmhmmm · 05/02/2019 18:02

He doesn't "see" the jobs that need doing because he doesn't want to do them. End of.

He's lazy.

EhlanaOfElenia · 05/02/2019 18:11

How did you refrain from replying 'not yet anyway...' on his FB page??!!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page