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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shut DDs door

54 replies

agirlhasnonameX · 04/02/2019 08:22

DD is 3. Remembering the hell that ensued when DD1 slept in a real bed quite a few years ago, I've kept DD2 in her cot as long as I felt suitable, so she has only been in a proper bed for two weeks.
She is normally a great sleeper but has been up constantly, when she goes to bed and all through the night, we slept three hours last night.
She has been in her own room since 9months and since she could communicate has always been afraid of things whilst there- ghosts, hat wearing monsters, strange noises, the front door which she can see from her room.
A few nights ago I told her if she got up again I'd close her bedroom door, she did, I did, she cried for a few mins and I felt terrible, went in and she said "that was really scary." But she stayed in bed after that so that I'd keep the door open.
AIBU to even threaten that if she doesn't stay in bed I'll close the door? I think I probably am and it's lazy and makes me feel a bit abusive using fear as a tactic, but I don't sleep well at the best of times and really exhausted already, struggling to function.

OP posts:
Original poster
agirlhasnonameX · 04/02/2019 08:24

P.s: a babygate would be a good half way solution but I've tried four in other rooms and she has figured out how to open all of them.

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 04/02/2019 08:25

does she have a night light?

Fattymcfaterson · 04/02/2019 08:25

Don't shut her door! How could you be so cruel?!

Eggstatic · 04/02/2019 08:43

Is she only getting up now that she has a proper bed? DD has a bed board/rail so it's a bit like a cot still, maybe that would help

FortunesFave · 04/02/2019 08:51

Fatty Confused are you for real? It's a closed door not a smack round the ear.

YANBU OP.

DappledThings · 04/02/2019 09:06

I've always closed both DC's doors since they went into their own rooms (at 7 and 9 months). Why is that cruel?

Gatehouse77 · 04/02/2019 09:10

We've always closed doors as I grew up with that as a fire safety. I don't think it's an unreasonable consequence for not staying in bed/her room.

silkpyjamasallday · 04/02/2019 09:17

I wouldn't ever shut DD in, in fact her door has bunting on it which prevents it being closed totally (no trapped fingers) But she has been in a single bed from 13 months and coslept before that so there was no novelty in getting in and out of bed, but she knows she can come to us in the night if she needs anything and we don't hear her on the monitor. I wouldn't shut your DD in if she is already anxious about bedtime, it's likely to make it more difficult in the long run. Does she tell you why she has woken or was she just not settling? We read to DD in bed then cuddle her until she is drowsy then leave, maybe try this until the novelty of freedom has worn off?

Huntawaymama · 04/02/2019 09:23

My dd can be a nightmare sleeper, she also scared, I don't shut her door by sometimes it gets to 2am and Im so tired (I've a constantly feeding 7m old to) and I threatened to shut the door and she begs me not to then goes to sleep. Yanbu

Stompythedinosaur · 04/02/2019 09:36

I don't think making your child more scared is going to help her sleep.

Maybe try a star chart for staying in bed, along with a night light and lots of reassurance about her fears.

LordPickle · 04/02/2019 09:42

I've always closed DS's door...he has a nightlight.

Galvantula · 04/02/2019 09:44

DD (3) doesn't like the door closed while she falls asleep, but she knows it gets closed once she's asleep. (Also fire safety reasons here)

She has a night light, it's one of those torches that comes on when you pick it up. Or when you move in bed actually, so she can find it easily.

We have said we'll have to close the door on occasion, if she's having an occasional 'silly' night with lots of getting up. It's usually when she's overtired though, so i end up caving and sitting by her bed. She falls asleep in about a minute then.

RiverTam · 04/02/2019 09:47

I would never close DD's door at night - she falls asleep with the landing light on (she has a nightlight as well but it's still pretty dark in her room). I also never slept with the door shut as a child. If it is frightening her then you need to find another solution.

HoraceCope · 04/02/2019 09:50

think you will just have to put up with it op, it will get better. deferring the big bed probably didnt help but its done now.

Kismetjayn · 04/02/2019 09:52

DD's door is always closed otherwise the cat goes in and bothers her. (Fwiw I wouldn't mind her having the cat to cuddle with but she says it annoys her).

Not inherently a bad thing at all. However it might make her feel more scared & alone if she knows you're doing it to keep her separated from you/to stop her complaining about being scared by things.

ittakes2 · 04/02/2019 09:52

We used to use a baby dan playpen piece like a fence - no gate - I just used to climb over it but children were too little to do this.

Stinkytoe · 04/02/2019 09:58

We have the doors shut anyway at night, I don’t think using the threat of closing the door is terribly bad.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 04/02/2019 10:06

Did you take the sides off the cot or go to a single bed?
Straight from cot to bed is a big leap. If it’s a cot bed perhaps consider putting one side back on so it’s not too big a change.

If it’s a normal bed, you could try either a cot side or a bumper Either will make her feel more secure.

Reward chart, night light/glow stars on ceiling, super-nanny style return to bed can all be tried but IME some kids just get terrified of the dark and can take weeks to settle in their own bed. Both slept much better in a double - little wrigglers kept waking up knocking the wall/cot side or falling out if we took them away. Much better with the foam bumpers and time.

Good luck OP!

HelloViroids · 04/02/2019 10:07

Stars on the ceiling, night light, monster spray?

HPandBaconSandwiches · 04/02/2019 10:08

Oh and read her this excellent story

TrixieFranklin · 04/02/2019 10:09

Hang on, what's wrong with shutting the door? Mine go straight into their toddler beds, say goodnight, lights off and door shut? Confused

ClarabellaCTL · 04/02/2019 10:09

Closing the door in itself is not a bad thing. My eldest likes his door closed, always has. I think it makes him feel snug in his room! My younger one likes the door open until he falls asleep, then we close it when we go to bed (I like bedroom doors closed for fire safety reasons). He has a nightlight.

I'm not criticising as I know what it's like to be so tired you can't think straight, but I don't think making her scared at bedtime is fair. I think you need another strategy. Reward her when she stays in bed, rather than making her stay there out of fear.

RiverTam · 04/02/2019 10:12

Trixie because some children find it frightening? Level of darkness and feeling trapped. DD is 9 and never sleeps with the door shut (nor do we, for that matter, because of the cat), even when not at home. She would hate it.

Racecardriver · 04/02/2019 10:12

I use this as a consequence of getting out of bed for my three year old. There’s nothing to be frightened of because he opens it easily but it’s more effective at conveying disappointment in his behaviour than rhetoric.

NutElla5x · 04/02/2019 10:13

Why would such a young child even know about ghosts and monsters? I'm sorry but the thought of your child lying in bed petrified to move for fear of you making her feel even worse by shutting her in breaks my heart.I know it's tough when your tired etc but comfort and reassurance is what she needs.

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