evil work biatches - give me hope!

[tympanic]

After yet another week of horrendous sabotage from the mean girl brigade at my work I'm in dire need of some optimism.

My workplace is toxic to its very core but I am not in a position at the moment to readily find something else. I'm not looking for advice or ideas to seek vengeance (though they might be amusing...). Believe me, I've tried everything above board short of a lobotomy to make the situation better for myself. I'm just looking for stories where other women - after being the underdog - prevailed in the end, to help keep me from losing my shit completely lest I go nuclear on these bitches.

Help me, O'Mumsnet Kenobis. You're my only hope.

Sorry you're having a tough time, Tympanic!

What is it they're doing which is mean and is it just to you personally?

Maybe not quite the same but I once joined as manager on a make up counter and the lady who worked there part time was really difficult to work with. She'd seen a lot of managers in her time and had a "you'll leave eventually so I'm just going to do it my way" attitude.

Anytime I tried to manage her or suggest a new strategy/give her feedback/do 1-2-1s she made it SO difficult. She rang me one time and told me to not write her shifts in and told me what hours she would do and for me to work around that. This was a middle-aged woman!

I found it really difficult but I just stuck to my guns and maintained a friendly approach as much as possible. I'd joke with her saying "who's the manager here!!??" and make light of situations. Anytime we weren't talking about work I'd make jokes with her and make an effort to talk about things she was interested in. Eventually she stopped trying to be the manager and let me do my job. But believe me it took a long time.

I eventually left to pursue a different career...good luck to whoever's there now!

Can I suggest several viewings of the 1980s classic Heathers. The ultimate mean girls revenge film.

Prawns in their handbags.

Have they actually been vindictive to your face? Or is it just subtle?

I'm in a similar situation atm too, sometimes I feel like I'm back in high school it's so cliquey! I really do not want to associate with these people at all so I don't. But that leaves me feeling a bit alienated because we're all in a team of around 10 people (part of a bigger team)

I enjoy the job, but not really my direct colleagues.

I'm just looking for stories where other women - after being the underdog - prevailed in the end, to help keep me from losing my shit completely lest I go nuclear on these bitches.

^^

Dunno whether my story will be a success but I'm going to hopefully start an MBA - and the job I do at the moment will look so good in tandem with it.. Which will make working with these idiots worth it in the end!

I once worked a company where my boss was also the owner so any complaints had to go through herself. Not ideal when she was the complaint! She made my life hell, constantly made my job difficult, tried bullying me into leaving when I got pregnant, bitched about everyone behind their backs. I recently found out that every single person left due to her behaviour and the company is now folded. I often think about it and it gives me great joy

Following with great interest because I need to know how to deal with insanely territorial colleagues and indifferent managers. No answers, but I feel your pain, OP.

After being literally ignored or sniped by colleagues at the same level for years the admin manager left and the wind suddenly turned, the new manager appreciated the work I do and stuck up for me.

I also killed them with kindness, the two worst are very close to retirement and couldn't pick up the new systems but I was always there to help them along with patience and a kind word, it's like they're my best-friends now suddenly, very disconcerting but a much happier environment xxx

I feel your pain OP

I too have a Work Bitch, it was Work Bitches but she has lost her sidekick who is on long term sick which has made her behaviour stand out a lot more.

She put me through 5 months of hell last year, and since it was "dealt with" it has greatly reduced but she still tries it on with her snide pointed remarks and microaggressions and fucks me up when she can.

The benefit of losing her protector has meant that behaviour is now more clearly her and other people are starting to

I also managed to put the boot in big time by pointing out how many of our clients have either requested not to be assigned her at all, or have her as their very last choice out of personnel available.

She's here til she retires unfortunately, unless she manages to do something so bad it's gross misconduct. One can only dream. Nothing short of firing her directly into the sun would suffice for me at this point.

Years ago, I worked in a place where the other casuals were nice, but all the permanent staff were really nasty. They took turns to scream at me over very small errors, the type that were quietly fixed when they made them. They never let me finish a question; they'd interrupt me to answer the question they'd assumed I would ask, then walk off, leaving me none the wiser. They never introduced me to anyone, then shouted at me for asking the nearest person. When they had to admit that I'd spotted mistakes that would have caused big problems, they repeated back to me in a patronising tone exactly what I'd been trying to tell them.
Other casual staff noticed it. Just put up with it, they said.
Then the woman who'd hired me moved on and a new, buzz-creating new boss got rid of me and a lot of other casual staff. A more senior, very self-satisfied employee made a fairly basic error. Our whole department existed to pick up such errors, but nobody picked it up. The company got a 150,000-dollar fine because of that. I admit that I experienced some shadenfreude.

I seem to attract these kind of people. God knows why I just do my job and not bother anyone else. I’d one manager openly tried to take my job off me. She didn’t speak to me for two weeks after a meeting where she realised I’m tougher than she thought.
In another job the supervisor was a manipulating psychopath, she basically lost me the job. She shouted at me, openly bullied me, lied and belittled me for six months. I’ve since that ‘trade’ and retraining to work with normal people. Apparently the shite hit the fan after I’d gone when her antics were called out.
Now I am more wary and less likely to take it from people. I simply ignore them or give them a slient death stare.

Left that trade.

@woodentop The place is rotten altogether. These bitches bitch about every one of our team behind their backs, but I also get ignored by a couple of them. I have to get right up in their faces and almost shout hello or they just ignore me. Try to talk to all of them about their lives but they just grunt and never reciprocate. I’m running out of niceness. They leave me off important messages and fail to keep me in the loop, then sabotage my work. It’s all subtle stuff. But malevolent as hell. It’s very competitive and people love to tear others down and make them out to be incompetent. It’s shit.

When I was 22 I worked at a big bank and my manager was a nightmare. She was so unbelievably petty and hated that I was naturally good at my job plus was liked by the desk because of being good at my job. She would tell me to flirt with the guys on the desk if there was an issue and we needed their sign off for a loss. I don't work that way. She took 100% of the credit for the work I did and the head of the trading floor lost his shit one day in a meeting and told her I was working for him otherwise they would lose me. I was never officially told this, just told to never ask her for a reference.

Best move ever. I was a junior trader at 23. I was able to work for someone who was an amazing manager. He exposed me to trading models, how to build them quantitatively and how to manage them. This meant I learned a bit about coding and trading networks etc.

I ended up leaving the field at 28 and retrained as an accountant. I'm now the CFO of a small fintech company which is a subsidiary of a broker. My old manager works for the bitch director (who was the OW with another operations director) at a 3rd rate bank.

You need to have a firm set of goals and an exit plan. You will never be successful working for a bad manager. Underdogs in business is for storytelling. I've seen a lot happen but I've never seen an underdog succeed while working for a horrible manager.

Many years ago I was doing a voluntary placement but was feeling quite exploited. I made a request to my placement handler to go elsewhere. The woman at my place of work got wind of this and tried to undermine me by writing an awful letter about me - saying things that were not true, to my handler. Luckily, this person was very wise and familiar with the wiles of employers worried at the prospect of losing free workers and not only showed me this letter but let the person at the original company know I'd seen it too.
I was really upset, I was young and had not really been in work since graduating and this was not a nice experience all round.
My placement handler gave me the option to finish the week at the toxic work place. Which I did. I was anxious about it, but am glad I did. It was actually very empowering to quietly stand up to the woman trying to bully me and finish my work with dignity. She had the grace to look embarrassed when I saw her the next day.

Stop making conversation. Do your own thing. Mean girls all over again. Fuck the lot of them.

@halfwitpicker Same. Enjoy the job. Can’t stand the people. They’re not really too rude to my face, though they love to give the withering look when I ask a question (I’m still new). Must make them feel really clever.

Sorry to hear you’re in the same situation. But looks like you have an out!

Thanks @BartonHollow. That’s a good story. I wish these bitches would love their sidekicks :)

*lose their sidekicks. Doubt they actually love anyone. Vicious sows.

@PatchworkDoll. I know, right! But it’s always women. Men have given me plenty of grief in workplaces before, don’t get me wrong. But it’s always the women who do the most damage. I also don’t get it. I do my work well. I am nice to everyone. I show an interest in people’s lives. Yet although I am ignored in return they act like I’m the stuck up bitch.

Don't bother saying hello or try and make polite conversation, they are not worth it. Do your job, be professional, they sound just like my old colleagues. Request via email copies of all relevant work, make sure you save copies of your own work, keep a diary of their bullying if you can be bothered. Karma will get them in the end, it always does.

@Supermum. Great story. Sadly, you’re right. But I keep hoping. Maybe that’s why they hate me. Optimism is frowned upon at my work. Like friendliness it seems to be dismissed as weakness. Ditto on the comments about flirting. My bitches have made some nasty comments about my alleged flirting with male staff when I have never done anything of the sort. In any job. Ever. I also dress very, very conservatively. Meanwhile they’ve got their tits out and short skirts on. Odd bunch.

Yes. I recognise this. I went back to work a few years ago in an job where I had no experience and, systems and approach-wise, it was a long learning curve. As it was public sector newbies were carefully monitored and continually appraised and there was a period where everything we did was checked. My immediate mentor, (a younger woman than me), we'll call her X, was put in charge of me to show me the job. She did this quite effectively, but she was a terrible gossiping busybody. The overall manager thought she was wonderful, (mainly because she didn't understand the new systems etc. herself). I was always told how wonderful, organized, efficient and generally unassailable X was. X was also her own self-publicist.

X quickly noticed that I didn't go up to the tea room, or have lunch. In nice weather I'd occasionally go up the high street, but in the winter it was grim. I don't need to drink cups of tea all the time. (I wasn't from a public sector background). I preferred to spend the time catching up, or looking things up or to to do a bit of customer service when customers came in and no-one else was around. After a while, other workers started coming up and questioning me about lunch. My boss started pulling me in about the lunch issue. The end came when my boss walked up to me and demanded that I leave my computer and go for lunch, humiliating me in front of the whole office.

I left. My boss was shocked (people never leave!) She pleaded with me and asked if there was anything she could do to make me stay. The money just wasn't worth it to carry on. I just couldn't stand this stupid jobsworth public sector mindset. I didn't give the reasons for leaving. I preferred to leave in silence with my bruised dignity intact.

@wigglypiggly I think karma already got them. They’re fekking miserable sods. I just wish I understood how they think this behaviour enriches their lives in any way. I’ve known a lot of arseholes in my life but this mystery plagues me.

@Worldweary Yes! The strange preoccupation with how you choose to spend your lunch break! It’s almost as though they want to control every aspect of your life. Yet I couldn’t care less what people do on their lunch breaks. Curiouser and curiouser.