Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is not my responsibility?

41 replies

Noname7654397 · 03/02/2019 21:12

My ex had a go at me tonight out of nowhere because "it's not okay" that I don't contact his mom and make arrangements with her for her to have our 6yo son. He says that because I used to do it I'm out of order for now saying that he should make the arrangements. I work full time and am a single mum to 2 kids and frankly don't have the head space to take on facilitating a relationship between my son and his grandma just to make my ex's life easier, which I told my ex months ago. AIBU to say that he needs to take responsibility for this?

OP posts:
TulipsInbloom1 · 03/02/2019 21:13

Yanbu. This definitely falls under his responsibility.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/02/2019 21:14

YANBU at all. His family, his responsibility. Not your job to do his wife work anymore!

Drum2018 · 03/02/2019 21:15

Does your ex have regular access to see the kids? If so then that's all you need concern yourself with. If he wishes his mother to see them surely he can bring them to visit her when he has them.

Bambamber · 03/02/2019 21:15

YANBU

HollowTalk · 03/02/2019 21:16

Just laugh at him. He'll be bringing his washing around next.

Patr1ckJane · 03/02/2019 21:16

YANBU! His mum his responsibility!

CloserIAm2Fine · 03/02/2019 21:16

Of course YANBU

You facilitate the relationship with your family, he facilitated the relationship with his family. Simple!

Miane · 03/02/2019 21:18

His family, his responsibility.

He just needs to add it to the long list of things you no longer have responsibility for.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 03/02/2019 21:19

It's not your responsibility per se, but the woman is your childs grandparent, and does it hurt to maintain a good relationship with her?

Obviously you might not want to talk to her, or you might want to maintain an independent relationship with her. Always remember, one day you might need a favour from her directly.

But you are right, it is his ultimate responsibility.

SuziQ10 · 03/02/2019 21:21

YANBU.
I wouldn't take on this added responsibility either.

DorothyZbornak · 03/02/2019 21:22

Fuck that! The one good thing about getting divorced is no more MIL!

BumbleBeee69 · 03/02/2019 21:23

HIS Mother, HIS responsibility. Flowers

Isleepinahedgefund · 03/02/2019 21:26

Hes obviously got it in the neck from his Mum about her not seeing the kids enough! Of course it’s not your responsibility. Not only can he just bloody get on with it, Grandma’s phone will also make calls as well as receive them so she could easily contact you if she’s that bothered.

Original poster
Noname7654397 · 03/02/2019 21:30

Yes, he has regular contact. It's not so much that I don't want to speak to his mother, it's more that it's just one more thing to plan and arrange and my head is already spinning from remembering everything that's going on anyway! I don't have family around so in some ways it would be nice to think I could ask for help but I feel like it always comes with strings, if I asked her to have him for a night she would say yes, but I want him for the whole weekend. I already share my weekends with his dad, I don't want to lose anymore time with him!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 03/02/2019 21:35

She should never be able to have your child for the weekends when you are sharing time with your ex. Never. She's very unfair to ask that.

Petalflowers · 03/02/2019 21:37

I’m torn with this.

Maybe he feel it would be easier to speak to her directly, so,you don’t Have to,have one of those conversations when you say to ex that grandma could have dc on xyz date, he checks with grandma, then confirms or rejects the date etc.with you etc.

However, he could arrange to take dc to his mum during the time he has dc.

Or grandma could ring you and discuss it directly with you.

WhendoIgetadayoff · 03/02/2019 21:42

His responsibility but you could tell him she’s welcome to call you to arrange. But has to be on your terms. Might be useful to have a babysitter occasionally as single mum

pictish · 03/02/2019 21:43

What a lazy git. Of course it’s not your responsibility. Do not entertain his pish.

Confusedalarms · 03/02/2019 21:43

Not your circus, not your monkeys. His DM is his responsibility. He can arrange for DC to see DGM during his contact time.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 03/02/2019 21:44

Tell him you'll call his mum once your mum has heard from him.... Oh wait....

Original poster
Noname7654397 · 03/02/2019 21:46

He completely feels it's easier for me to talk to her directly, and to be fair she has called me before. If he made more of an effort to do anything to make my life easier I might be more understanding, but he's always late so I can never make plans and just does the bare minimum so I don't see why I should pick up one more thing that I think justifiably sits with him

OP posts:
Fairylightfurore · 03/02/2019 21:48

Contact her. Make it clear that you are leaving it up to him to facilitate her time with DS. That way he can't blame you if he can't be bothered, and also her time with your DS comes out of her sons time. Then tell your ex that this is no longer your responsibility and make it clear his Mum understands this. This is not something you should be stressing out over.

SummerGems · 03/02/2019 21:49

Not your responsibility to arrange contact with his mum but I disagree with this:

She should never be able to have your child for the weekends when you are sharing time with your ex. Never. She's very unfair to ask that. she’s still the child’s family. The OP is at liberty to say no if she asks but the granny isn’t in the wrong for asking.

Tinkerbell89 · 03/02/2019 21:50

YANBU he needs to arrange for his mum to see DS when it's his time to have him. Shouldn't be eating into your time with him otherwise it's not equal. If he wants his mum to see your son he needs to make the arrangements on his days not you. Otherwise he gets more time and isn't inconvenienced which I'm sure he's thought of. His mum, his problem and time not yours and don't feel bad. Would he do it for you if the tables were turned?

Laiste · 03/02/2019 21:51

her time with your DS comes out of her sons time.

This exactly.

''His'' time with the child = ''his and his family's time''.

So he sorts it out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread