To think that this is not my responsibility?

[Noname7654397]

My ex had a go at me tonight out of nowhere because "it's not okay" that I don't contact his mom and make arrangements with her for her to have our 6yo son. He says that because I used to do it I'm out of order for now saying that he should make the arrangements. I work full time and am a single mum to 2 kids and frankly don't have the head space to take on facilitating a relationship between my son and his grandma just to make my ex's life easier, which I told my ex months ago. AIBU to say that he needs to take responsibility for this?

I’d go around him. Call her and have the chat where you say ‘always happy to be in touch, but I’m leaving arrangements re kids contact with you up to Jason from now on.’

Then tell him you’ve done it, and everything’s agreed with her. Nice that everyone’s now on the same page, right?

Bless him, does he also expect you to iron his shirts for him?

What a twat!

Why would you arrange for DS to see grandma on Saturday afternoon at 2 o'clock when your Ex, assuming it is his contact time, may have made alternative arrangements to do something else? It would be daft.
I assume he means for you to arrange contact with grandma at a time when he doesn't have contact. Not your responsibility to do this at all. But, you might want to help maintain contact with DS's wider family, and also bear in mind that you may one day want grandma's help.

While I agree your ex is a twat, aand that any contact needs to fit in with your agenda rather than hers; I do think the relationship between a child and grandparent is massively important and should be supported

It's solely down to him to arrange, in his own time.

You’re right, he’s wrong. Obviously. I can’t understand why he thinks this is your responsibility. Did you split up because he was expecting you to do all the ‘wifework’? What an idiot.

I've heard it all now!

It's his responsibility... that comes with a couple splitting up.

You should simply tell him...you won't be doing it.

Don't let it stress you out.

Nope. There are all sorts of things that you used to do for him when you were his wife that you don’t do now. It’s one of the consequences of being divorced. I think you should hold firm about this. He needs to grasp the basic point that you are separate households with separate responsibilities and arrangements.

So we weren't married and we actually split up before I found out I was pregnant, I didn't even meet his mother until after my son was born. I dealt with all the arrangements originally because I also think it's important to encourage relationships with grandparents, but recently I've had so much on my plate that I was getting really stressed and I need to look after my mental health and stop picking up things I don't need to. Thanks for the responses, good to get an external view on things!

While I agree your ex is a twat, aand that any contact needs to fit in with your agenda rather than hers; I do think the relationship between a child and grandparent is massively important and should be supported

So why isn't he doing it?

Definitely his job to arrange.

Not your fault he's an unreliable twat and doing the bare minimum for his own child.

Tell him you're not his wife or his Mum and wife work is over with a tinkly laugh.

I'm assuming you do all doctor's appointments, dentist, school stuff, etc etc. As well as most of the childcare? He needs to sort this out for himself.

I’d email her and let her know your ex has your dc every other Sunday from x date. If she’d like to also see your dc she should discuss it with her son.