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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is crazy?

48 replies

courtneyrose13 · 03/02/2019 19:28

My sister has to go out of town for work, so her daughter (who turned six last month) will be staying at my house for a few days. Because we have a big tub, and my son (who's five) loves playing with his cousin, I was planning on having them share a bath. But, my sister told me if they would be in the tub at the same time, she would need to at least have on bathing suit bottoms to "protect her modesty." Isn't that absolutely crazy? They're cousins that have basically grown up together.

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 03/02/2019 19:30

Yep crazy, what did you say to her?

Kismetjayn · 03/02/2019 19:34

Not to me, does she have a brother?

My DD is an only and has never seen a boy's parts before. We've had a rough discussion but I wouldn't be happy knowing she would definitely be in the bath with a boy seeing his privates for the first time and all the explaining/questions being left entirely to someone else.

Kismetjayn · 03/02/2019 19:34

Not to me, does she have a brother?

My DD is an only and has never seen a boy's parts before. We've had a rough discussion but I wouldn't be happy knowing she would definitely be in the bath with a boy seeing his privates for the first time and all the explaining/questions being left entirely to someone else.

Original poster
courtneyrose13 · 03/02/2019 19:37

She doesn't have a brother, but she has seen DS naked several times before. I think it's just that her mum doesn't want DS seeing her.

OP posts:
LL83 · 03/02/2019 19:40

Crazy. My dd bathed with her cousin up until that age. When she wanted privacy for bathing we stopped.

@kismetjayn I don't think there is anything wrong with her "seeing boy parts" if she even notices. And exactly what questions would you get? "What's that?" Answer "his penis" and move on.

FadedRed · 03/02/2019 19:40

Doesn’t matter whether you think ‘it’s crazy’. Respect your sister’s wishes. She’s probably, quite correctly, teaching body autonomy and the NSPCC’s ‘bathing costume rules’ for her daughter’s safety. Don’t confuse the child by overruling this. The children don’t need to be bathed together.

Kismetjayn · 03/02/2019 19:41

Was she okay with her seeing him naked?
I wouldn't be with my DD, and I can understand why she feels that way, not having a boy.
Perhaps she's more stringent on the pants rule and things of that nature?

Stompythedinosaur · 03/02/2019 19:42

I think that's weird.

Both my dds bathed with their male cousin at that age. Despite not having a brother they were perfectly aware that boys have penises and weren't remotely shocked.

Kismetjayn · 03/02/2019 19:42

@LL83 I'd be more uncomfortable about the fact that I wouldn't be around to answer those questions.

LL83 · 03/02/2019 19:42

Maybe the dd is requesting privacy. I remember at some point my dd wanted to get changed in her room and me not to be in the bathroom when she bathed. If this is happening then it is sensible of sister to let you know.

MrsTerryPratcett · 03/02/2019 19:44

DD was a little older than this when she started asking for privacy. I would go with what the children request.

And this: And exactly what questions would you get? "What's that?" Answer "his penis" and move on.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/02/2019 19:45

I think that teaching body autonomy would be being fully supportive when a child doesn't want to bathe or be naked with others. Not an adult deciding that a small child must cover themselves up.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 03/02/2019 19:46

I don’t think she’s being able unreasonable to request that at all. At that age I would have felt uncomfortable being naked with another child.

LL83 · 03/02/2019 19:47

@kismetjayn would you be happy to let them bath together if you were there for any questions?

BackforGood · 03/02/2019 19:49

YANBU - she is.
Creating an issue where there wouldn't otherwise be one.

To be fair, I wouldn't want to look after a child for a few days if their parent(s) didn't trust my judgement though.

CalmdownJanet · 03/02/2019 19:51

I totally read it as 6 months!! Oops that was why I said crazy. Now I see it's 6 I kinda think meh whatever, if it bothers her stick them both in togs, it's not a big deal either way

Maelstrop · 03/02/2019 19:52

Just bathe them separately. I’d respect my sister’s wishes.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/02/2019 19:54

Regardless whether your sister is being ridiculous or not, which is a matter of opinion, she is the mother and you must abide by her directives. If you don't like it, don't watch your niece.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 03/02/2019 19:59

Bathe them separately. I don't think boys and girls should be sharing a bath at that age and you need to respect your sister's wishes. Maybe the little girl wants privacy and I think that's understandable.

Kismetjayn · 03/02/2019 20:13

@LL83 yeah, unless I had specific concerns, I'd be happier with that.

Original poster
courtneyrose13 · 03/02/2019 20:29

@Kismetjayn She's completely fine with her seeing DS naked, just not the other way around

OP posts:
EhlanaOfElenia · 03/02/2019 20:34

5/6 years old is school age, and at school they are teaching them things like privacy, and boys not touching girls in the chest/trunk area. They are learning about differences in bodies, etc.

So actually, YABU to think she is crazy for not wanting it to happen. This is the age that it should be stopping at, if it had been happening before.

Original poster
courtneyrose13 · 03/02/2019 21:29

@Chocolatecoffeeaddict It saves time and water. If it comes down to it, I'll just put her in a bathing suit.

OP posts:
Mummyshark2018 · 03/02/2019 21:46

My dd and dn bath together when they have sleepovers. We're always on hand pottering about and listening in/watching but nothing inappropriate is ever said or done. They are the only two grandchildren in dh's side and it would be a pity for them to miss out on big bubbly baths/water fights! with a same age relative just because they're different sexes. Obviously if one says they no longer ant to bath share then that's fine but I'd rather not make a big deal of it.

Mummyshark2018 · 03/02/2019 21:47

Should have said they've just turned 7