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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is crazy?

48 replies

courtneyrose13 · 03/02/2019 19:28

My sister has to go out of town for work, so her daughter (who turned six last month) will be staying at my house for a few days. Because we have a big tub, and my son (who's five) loves playing with his cousin, I was planning on having them share a bath. But, my sister told me if they would be in the tub at the same time, she would need to at least have on bathing suit bottoms to "protect her modesty." Isn't that absolutely crazy? They're cousins that have basically grown up together.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratcett · 03/02/2019 22:21

I actually think bathing suit is worse than separate baths. Separate baths is about privacy. Bathing suits is weird, and smacks of either shame or girls' bodies being somehow private when boys' aren't. And it's unhygienic.

Alpacanorange · 03/02/2019 22:24

It matters not what you think here, you are not her mother and she knows about the bath issue now. To maintain good relations, you have to respect her wishes.

Original poster

courtneyrose13 · 03/02/2019 22:43

@MrsTerryPratcett I think an argument can be made that girls' bodies are more private than boys' bodies, and how would that be unhygienic?

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratcett · 04/02/2019 00:05

Why are they more private? Well if you have any reason that isn't sexist!

It's unhygienic because how are you washing everything in a bathing suit

Stompythedinosaur · 04/02/2019 00:12

I don't think girl's bodies are more private than boy's bodies.

I hate that as a society we often place more emphasis on modesty for girls than boys.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/02/2019 00:21

I think your sister is creating weirdness where there need not be weirdness.

The answer is surely to ask each child seperately if they would like to bathe together. Then ask each one if they want to wear swim suits, or not. If one does, then they both wear them.

On the other hand, you could just tell your sister you aren't happy giving your time up if she is going to project/helicopter parent/critisise.

Notgotajarofglue · 04/02/2019 00:25

Bath them separately and ask her for the extra 19p a night

bastardkitty · 04/02/2019 00:29

Why are you so determined to disrespect your sister's wishes (which seem reasonable to me)?

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 04/02/2019 00:32

My dd of a similar age would not be comfortable bathing naked apart from immediate family. We have never said anything about it so not sure where this sudden modesty has come from but I notice many of her friends are the same when they change their clothes they hide behind the sofa.

StoppinBy · 04/02/2019 01:01

Just bath them one after the other, not sure why you think it is an unreasonable request?

It's no extra hassle and a pretty normal thing at that age to not share a bath with their cousins in the nude.

Purpleartichoke · 04/02/2019 04:32

At 6yo my dd would have been furious if you asked her to share a bath with anyone, but especially a boy. She decided modesty was very important in preschool. We have chosen to respect her right to set her own limits. I would not allow someone else to pressure her into sharing a bath.

TheCounter · 04/02/2019 04:58

"Why are you so determined to disrespect your sister's wishes (which seem reasonable to me)?"

My thoughts too. I'd be getting a bit worried if I was dropping the kid off and requested separate bathing and met any kind of resistance.

Not like you need to run a full bath for a 6 year old.

ittakes2 · 04/02/2019 05:26

They are in primary school - there is no way my daughter at that age would have wanted to be naked in a bath with her cousin. She's fine about her brother - just not with someone she doesn't usually get naked with. My son would not have cared at all either way. Adults are all different when it comes to views on nakedness - why can't children also be different. At 6 lots of my daughter's friends would have been fine about it - but I know my daughter would not so I would not have let it happen either.
Also, its not just about the nakedness - its about the close proximately nakedness and children being curious.

ittakes2 · 04/02/2019 05:29

Also - its interesting this has come up before she stayed - it would not have crossed my mind. Did you mention it to your sister? It sounds like you want to have this cousin bath time as you think your son will enjoy it.

snitzelvoncrumb · 04/02/2019 05:44

I would just bath them separately. My daughter is six and wouldn't like to be bathed with a boy.

Original poster

courtneyrose13 · 04/02/2019 06:01

@ittakes2 She brought it up, because they've bathed together countless times before.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/02/2019 06:24

She’s being weird. This should come from the children, not the adults. I would tell her you have no intention of covering her dd up as it sends a bad message to both children about female body shaming and another one of boys ergo men to flashing to girls.

She can’t have it both ways. Either she’s teaching about body autonomy or she isn’t. But you can’t involve your ds in learning incorrect messages.

Then ask her what her dd would prefer (ie not the mother). Children bathed separately or together.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 04/02/2019 06:44

I think it’s very weird. And I think If the daughter has expressed wanting more privacy then why does OPs SISTER not just say this?! People in real life don’t overthink every little interaction so much.

I’d just bathe separately too, but I wouldn’t change the water between washes.

Mmer · 04/02/2019 07:05

Not a big deal to bathe them separately. If the girl is 6, I can see why she wouldn't want to bathe with her cousin, even if she has done it in the past. I know my son would definitely not have wanted to bathe with anyone else at that age.

Jaxtellerswife · 04/02/2019 07:26

'I'd tell her I had no intention of covering her up'
What the hell?you can't tell a parent you insist their child be naked when they don't want them to be.
Op just respect it, it's hardly an issue

Ghanagirl · 04/02/2019 08:12

@courtneyrose13
If you’re sister brought it up they’ve bathed together many times maybe DN doesn’t enjoy it.
If you insist on her bathing naked with your DS and she doesn’t like it what message are you sending her.
Just respect your sister and nieces wishes

Namechange8471 · 04/02/2019 08:17

Absolute rubbish. I'm an only child and loved bathing with my cousin (male!)

Funny enough nothing sinister happened and we're now normal adults!

LL83 · 04/02/2019 10:47

If your sister let them bath together up until now I think this must be your nieces wishes that she is communicating to you. Are you sure this isn't coming from your niece? Even if she hasn't said it out loud, She may be more private now.

If it's hassle that is a problem they can skip a bath for one night.

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