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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if there is a problem with her

59 replies

Worzilgummidge · 02/02/2019 18:46

My neighbours house is horrendous dirty and messy.
I'm not just talking normal dirty or messy it's littered everywhere with even everyday items like irons etc just randomly lying on the floor along with letters that look like they have been opened and then just chucked. You can't get across the landing as there is all manner of items lying in the way hairdryer, mirrors, pictures, old duvets, etc she starts things like bits of painting and doesn't finish etc sometimes you hear something crunching under your feet and realise you have trodden on something breakable that shouldn't even be there.
Cooker is thick with grease remains of food in the plughole.
She buys plants etc for the garden but they just get left sitting. Broken garden ornaments everywhere.
I'm getting increasingly concerned and she also has a mice problem now.

OP posts:
RelaisBlu · 02/02/2019 20:36

Does she mind the mess herself?

Someone (Quentin Crisp I think) never cleaned his flat and famously said "After the first 2 years it doesn't get any worse."

Perhaps she subscribes to this point of view?

YeahSorryBoutThat · 02/02/2019 20:37

Social services likely won't do anything if no children or vulnerable adults in the house and she is deemed competent.
I would invite her to yours for coffee etc instead of going there. She sounds quite lonely.

Jamhandprints · 02/02/2019 20:39

I dont know if its just your description but it doesnt sound that bad...except the mice obviously! Piles of bills and some bedding not put away? I dont clean the stove every day. Maybe my standards are too low.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/02/2019 20:46

Piles of bills and some bedding not put away?
The OP said you crunch on items trying to cross the landing. It is awful OP. If you are the direct NDN I would be very concerned about the mice, possibly future rats. I know you want to help, I would too, but in my experience people who live like this for whatever reason, it doesn't bother them to much.
Maybe invite her to yours, it is embarrassing when you visit an untidy house, I try look only at the host in case they think im gawking, if it was a tidy room can you politely chat and glance around, maybe compliment the mat.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 02/02/2019 21:13

I've been thinking about a neighbourly dispute that may have ended up in the news (I'm not sure if it's the same dispute or just a similar one). A woman was offended her neighbour hung pants, bras and underpants on the washing line - so she would light fires when they put their washing out or pull their washing line down. She didn't like how they did their garden - so she would spray weedkiller over the fence. She didn't like their plastic gardening tubs - so she knocked them over. She had issues with them sitting in their conservatory as she couldn't snoop then and would get angry about it, she trespassed to see what they were doing all the time.

The neighbour didn't seem to realise that it is not her house or garden. She does not get any say in how her neighbours live in their home and garden. I think this applies to hoarders too. They choose to live that way, it is their choice and it is not an easy fix. The mice/rats potential issue would concern me .

Hanumantelpiece · 02/02/2019 21:20

Some aspects of this sound like a friend of mine who has ASD. My friend also has OCD but basically will spent three hours cleaning and polishing the kitchen sink/taps whilst there is food sitting out, clutter all over the place and wet washing stagnating.
A lot of it is for the same reasons outlined by other posters - want a nice house and buy something, then can't actually follow through.
My friend has very little support so when I can help I do, but I don't live terribly nearby. Last time I went I had to scoop up packets and packets of MH medication what was just lying around the place which friend couldn't find...

Mummadeeze · 02/02/2019 21:31

Our home is very cluttered, messy and often dirty. I am a bit ashamed to admit it but honestly it doesn’t bother any of us who live in the house. If someone is visiting I do spend hours cleaning to make it presentable for them as I don’t want them to be grossed out, but otherwise I can’t be bothered to make it nice or keep it clean and tidy on a regular basis. I work hard, full time and I would rather spend my free time doing other things. It is hard to judge whether your neighbour does have MH problems or whether your standards are just wildly different. If she doesn’t seem unhappy then I would leave her to get on with it and maybe see her at yours rather than at hers.

Ilovemypantry · 02/02/2019 23:39

I’m sorry Mummadeeze but there is just no excuse for not keeping your home clean (if you are fit and able). Being a bit messy and cluttered is one thing, but having a dirty home is just wrong (IMO).

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