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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my hen?

54 replies

sailorcherries · 02/02/2019 11:18

Again, another wedding thread and I apologise.

I decided to have a hen and, after being bombarded with ideas including weekends away and expensive spa trips, I asked for a dinner and drinks in the local town.
I looked online and found somewhere that would offer a two course meal for £15 and then a bar who would reserve an area for £200 all in, which was redeemable against drink.
Initially we had 15 going, meaning it was £28 for the night excluding any further drinks plus £10 for taxis. I thought that was relatively cheap and cheerful.
The number decreased slightly and it meant the price increased to £34 each but that includes your dinner and a bottle of prosecco. To secure we'd need a deposit of £22 with the remainder of the dinner paid on the night.

The deadline is tomorrow and so far only 5 people have paid the deposit. I'm not asking my MOH to pay the full whack and chase people for the money, as she has offered, and I'm not asking people to pay more than double the original amount and double the second amount to cover those who are now not paying.
Wibu to cancel it and give everyone their money back, stating that it's cancelled because people haven't paid?

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 02/02/2019 11:20

Does that mean you are stuck with paying for their deposits?

elvis86 · 02/02/2019 11:21

Sounds like you have shitty friends, sorry OP.

Who is organising? You or MOH?

SarahET · 02/02/2019 11:24

Not unreasonable at all. But of a shame if you were looking forward to it.

DameSquashalot · 02/02/2019 11:24

Oh no OP. Are you going to be out of pocket?

Original poster
sailorcherries · 02/02/2019 11:27

The deposits haven't been paid yet - they need paid tonight. So far only 5 people, including me, have given the deposit to MOH to be paid. If we don't pay we lose the booking and there is no hen anyway, as nothing is booked.
Those that did transfer the deposit would have it given back.

Myself and MOH together. She had looked at weekends away and such originally but given my own finances and not wanting to put people out we looked closer to home and found the restaurant and bar together.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 02/02/2019 11:28

Could you look at doing something different with the five who've paid? In your shoes I would be cancelling this event - you'll end up being out of pocket if you have to pay the other deposits.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 02/02/2019 11:30

I'm going to look at doing something different with those that have paid. Or just buggering off for a spa and room service myself Grin haha.

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 02/02/2019 11:30

Op your night sounds great, if you are in west yorkshire i will come Grin
I would give people a one last kick up the arse message ("please let me know definite numbers today, if I don't hear back by 4pm I will assume it is a no and if we dont have the numbers I will change the plan to a smaller meal which does not require a booking deposit" or something to that effect).

PregnantSea · 02/02/2019 11:32

I would cancel and then just do off the cuff dinner and drinks with the people who have bothered to pay.

My hen was really small and I absolutely loved it because it was just the people who were genuinely excited that I was getting married. Great night!

Hope that whatever you decide, you have a good night OP x

Poppyputthekettleon · 02/02/2019 11:40

I would cancel. It sounds like it is stressing you. Cancel let everyone know with a friendly text that due to people not being able to attend and the cost going up you are changing the plan, and maybe do something that doesn't require deposits or if you can afford it do something with a deposit that you can cover and won't upset you if number dwindle and you lose money. I had something similar to you and had so much fun with a smaller group! Smile

elvis86 · 02/02/2019 11:43

I agree that a message explaining that deposits really do need to be paid tonight, otherwise you'll lose the booking and will have to cancel.

If that happens, plan something with the 4 friends that paid deposits. I wouldn't give the others the opportunity to join in. I'd be really hurt, though.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 02/02/2019 11:45

We've already reminded the others so I'm loathe to do it again and look like I'm chasing them and chasing them.

I am hurt but hey how such is life.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/02/2019 11:46

I would rather do something with a smaller group. I'd phone those who've paid and arrange something separately, then tell the others that the hen party is off.

Kittykat93 · 02/02/2019 11:47

Mine was different as nobody had to pay anything upfront, but I nearly cancelled anyway as so many people dropped out even the day before. I was so hurt and upset but I ended up going out in a smaller group and we had a good night anyway.

NoTeaForMe · 02/02/2019 11:48

I would send a reminder now saying that you need the deposits by 2pm this afternoon as otherwise you will need to cancel the booking. Ask people to either pay or let you know that they can’t come. Sorry OP. My own hen was a wash out so I understand.

Handsfull13 · 02/02/2019 11:50

I would send one final reminder stating if the missing people don't pay the deposit then the night will be cancelled.

Even possibly add that you'll find some else to do with those that have given the deposit.

ScreamingValenta · 02/02/2019 11:51

The 2pm deadline is a good idea.

TSSDNCOP · 02/02/2019 11:53

Awkward time, first pay check after Xmas and lots still aren’t cash rich. Maybe they’re still planning to come but planning to stick it on a credit card which is why they’ve not transferred the money to the MOH.

TSSDNCOP · 02/02/2019 11:53

Maybe you could ask that in the 2pm email?

Original poster
sailorcherries · 02/02/2019 11:56

TSSDNCOP that may well be the case but acknowledging the messages and letting someone know would be a start.

OP posts:
Deadringer · 02/02/2019 11:57

Can you cancel the closed off area in the bar and just go for the meal and a few drinks after rather than canceling completely. Some people are shit but it's a shame if you and the mate's who are arsed going have to miss out. If the meal can't go ahead due to numbers just go to the pub, you will all have a great night.

MrsJane · 02/02/2019 12:01

Funny time of year, people could be short of money. And people do just forget as other things get in the way.

Send one final message saying final deadline this evening at 5pm. You might find they all pay and all will be fine. Don't cancel yet.

CatnissEverdene · 02/02/2019 12:25

Keep the restaurant part and find a busy vibrant pub to end the evening in. I wouldn't take it too personally, it's been a long January. Just text everyone to say due to numbers, there is a change of plan and it's now going to cost X, if you don't let me know by 2pm, then I'll assume you aren't coming.

Kikipost · 02/02/2019 12:26

OP
Given the lack of enthusiasm I think those have not paid will be relieved when you cancel.

And then do something with those you committed

HTruffle · 02/02/2019 12:52

To be honest I’d just rearrange to do something with only those who have paid, if people are going to be so rude as to not answer you on time then I wouldn’t want to celebrate with them anyway. You’ll have a much nicer time with just your good friends anyway.

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