To cancel my hen?

[sailorcherries]

Again, another wedding thread and I apologise.

I decided to have a hen and, after being bombarded with ideas including weekends away and expensive spa trips, I asked for a dinner and drinks in the local town.
I looked online and found somewhere that would offer a two course meal for £15 and then a bar who would reserve an area for £200 all in, which was redeemable against drink.
Initially we had 15 going, meaning it was £28 for the night excluding any further drinks plus £10 for taxis. I thought that was relatively cheap and cheerful.
The number decreased slightly and it meant the price increased to £34 each but that includes your dinner and a bottle of prosecco. To secure we'd need a deposit of £22 with the remainder of the dinner paid on the night.

The deadline is tomorrow and so far only 5 people have paid the deposit. I'm not asking my MOH to pay the full whack and chase people for the money, as she has offered, and I'm not asking people to pay more than double the original amount and double the second amount to cover those who are now not paying.
Wibu to cancel it and give everyone their money back, stating that it's cancelled because people haven't paid?

That sucks. Don't chase them - just book a table for 5 somewhere else. You'll have a great night.

Enjoy your scaled down hen with your friends that pay

See the post from @poppyputthekettleon and take that course of action

Don’t pay any deposits for people whose money is not already in your hand.

Are people saying they can't attend or just not responding or just not paying? How many are you waiting for to pay?

Personally I wouldn't chase again. Just refund those that have paid and cancel this evening. Your friends don't sound like friends though! Look for a nice day at a spa with some real friends - you mum included!

This has been my experience of any group social booking. People are selfish and like to keep options open, so that means they wont pay deposit. It's really rude.

As others have suggested, have a nice meal with the smaller group x

I would not waste emotional energy chasing further but would cancel and do something with a small group of besties instead

I think it’s bad form for people to not have paid. However, it is an example of how hen parties can be a little annoying (not your fault). I think a lot of people prefer to just come along to a restaurant, order what they want and then go to a bar without closing off an area.

I wouldn’t bother even contacting them again. Cancel, do something nice and intimate with the ones who bothered to get their shit together, let the rest find out when you post the photos.

Fuck ‘em.

I would cancel. Arrange to do something else with the 5 who paid. No chasing.

I'd cancel and go out with the 5 of them; 5 is a great number to have a good laugh with anyway. I'd probably reconsider some wedding invites too, they sound like crap friends.

Sorry op, it's horrid when ppl are so flaky.
Have a lovely time with your 5 good friends.

I would cancel and then just do off the cuff dinner and drinks with the people who have bothered to pay.
My suggestion too. Have a nice dnner with your decent friends. Even if you email them all today, you are unlikley to get enough people to safeguard your costs. You'll just get lots more half-promises.

It doesn't matter why people haven't committed to paying. They can't expect you to take the risk that they won't pay on their behalf. It's CF behaviour.

I wouldn't take it personally - it is first pay day after Christmas and people will have been broke/ill and so on. I would ask MOH to do a final reminder & in the meantime tell the venue you need until tomorrow evening.
I don't think dinner and some drinks is a huge expense compared to some of the things I see on here sometimes. It's what I did. If by tomorrow you still have no more takers, then just rearrange something with those who did pay up.

I would take it personally though. Mainly because

1. Hen has actively tried to keep costs down benefitting all
2. It’s her hen do! Friends should want to show up and make a fuss/celebrate/get hammered/dance
3. Folk not bothering to even respond to texts would me feel like they just didn’t care... which seems to be the impression given here.

Chances are the hen has attended some of these friends’ milestone celebrations and shindigs before so to not have hers treated likewise is pretty offensive.

I’d cancel and just do something small with those who bothered to keep in contact/pay the deposit. I appreciate that it’s just been Christmas and all that, but it doesn’t cost anything to send a message saying “really sorry but I just can’t afford it right now” or to actually respond or acknowledge the messages. I’d assume they’re not bothered and cancel to do something lovely with the ones who are bothered.

Am I misreading? Deposits have to be paid to MOH by tonight, then MOH has to pay the restaurant the deposit tomorrow?

So why are people saying cancel now - cut off at 2 etc?

If you are going to cancel before the deadline, OP, I think you SHOULD send out another message first - "I know tonight is the deadline for paying, but there are a lot of people that I haven't heard anything from, so can you get back to me by 4 to say if you are paying/coming? Then I can make alternate arrangements with the smaller party if we need to change plans". Some people might be caught up in things but still intend to pay tonight.

However it turns out, I am sure you will have a great hen!

If the deadline is tomorrow for the deposit, then wait til the morning and see if anyone pays up today - do weekend bank transfers even show up online if they are from different banks? If nobody else has paid then let your MOH send out a message to say that unfortunately, as deposits weren't paid, the venue could not be secured for the hen. And leave it at that. Ask the 5 who have paid if they are interested in still going for a meal somewhere on the same date as originally planned. If any of the others come asking about it I really wouldn't bother giving details and tell them you are not having an official hen anymore.

I would cancel and do something else with the friends who would have paid.
we just used to have pub crawls and if they didn't show up, nothing was lost.

I would chase again, people are lazy and procrastinate. It doesn't mean they don't like you or don't want to come!

@sailorcherries

as someone who has been there and worn the wedding planning t-shirt, I would advise you to to just give the girls who paid the deposit the money back. Then create a private whats app group with just them and discuss what else you can do that night or weekend. Ask for budgets and make sure everyone has a say. I don't know where you are located so I cant suggest anywhere but I had a karaoke night, 2 course meal and cocktail master class for my hen, all for £35.00 per person. On my hen people did not show on the night after paying deposits and did not message to tell me until that night when I arrived.

As for the other people who haven't paid, please do not contact them again. Do not even tell them you are cancelling, just do not speak to them at all and if any of them ask about it all just say its alright that you planned something else. I would not even invite them unless they asked to come.

Cancel and refund those that have paid. Plan something different.

Assume they won't be going to the wedding either. I would be un-inviting them.

Just go out with the ones that have bothered to pay and acknowledge, you don't need flaky people for your important days.

Cancel, and have a night with your MOH