To ask if it’s possible to become a tidy person

[JaneAustensPen]

I have spent my life struggling to become organised and tidy but I live in a constant whirl of lost tickets, missing items, desk overflowing with paperwork, always looking for keys, phone, bag. It’s stressful, anxiety inducing and expensive and I have tried endlessly to impose systems and strategies but nothing seems to stick. Has anyone successfully managed to change themselves into a tidy organised person when that doesn’t come naturally? (Name changes for this.)

Yes! I did it. I was slovenly to the point of worry. Social services were even called during a particularly bad period of mental health where I let everything go and stuck around until I had my grip on the house again.

I changed quickly from that. It was the wake up call I needed and it began with not keeping clutter for clutter's sake. If it didn't have a true memory, a necessary purpose and/or a home, it would have to find a home elsewhere.

I also found a love of cleaning. Once you get it clean, untidy makes it look unclean and as such, I had zero time for that.

It's totally possible.

Do you have adhd op? You sound just like me!

I have a whiteboard in the kitchen with daily/weekly/monthly things I have to do. I have to really repeat each daily thing a few times to let it sink in otherwise I’ll tootle off and completely forget.

Have you tried taking fish oils?

A place for everything and everything in its place.

Then sing the song my mother taught me

"Don't put it down put it away "

I’m very messy, always have been. I started Marie kondo about 2 years ago and I’m not ‘tidy’ as such but getting rid of the shit I don’t even want or need has helped massively. My general shit reduced by maybe a quarter but the biggest thing in terms of being organised was sorting paperwork and ‘crap’ like cables and batteries and keys I no longer have the locks for. Because it’s not an overwhelming hoard I don’t lose things so easily.
I can also fit all my stuff where it’s supposed to go so when I tidy up it doesn’t take longer and actually looks tidy.

Yes it is.

My Dh was fed up with how disorganised the kitchen was, so one morning he took everything out of the cupboards and put it in the table. We spent all day sorting it out and I cannot tell you how different the kitchen now feels. As others have said, find a place for everything, so all plates large and small in oneness shelf/cupboard. All dishes cereal/pasta/serving bowls on another shelf. All glasses together etc etc.

I’ve also, this week done my clothes. I did a bit of googling of the Kondo method to get the hang of folding. It was so eye opening, to see it all together and you realise I do not need 5 black vests. I’ve filled a huge bag for charity shop. My drawers are so lovely and organised.

Just start with one thing, if you find it overwhelming. Do all your t shits or underwear or trousers. Just start and you won’t be able to stop!

I have an Auntie who is in her 70s (DMs sister). Her house is a show home and absolutely beautiful. She won’t even have the toaster out on the side in the kitchen, she will take it out of the cupboard to make toast then put it back again! DM told me that when she lived at home with her as teenagers her room was such a mess you couldn’t find her in her bed under all the piles of stuff that were on it. So yes it is possible!

I agree with Kingsley Amis who said ‘living in an untidy house depressed me, but not enough to make me do something about it’.

I really struggle too. Systems and discipline are the only answer IMO. You have to come up with the right systems for you and then have the discipline to stick to them. I've got better with the bag thing and never go to bed until it's ready for the next morning with keys, purse etc. and ditto school uniforms, permission slips etc.

My desk is a disaster at the moment but I'm working towards a clear desk policy. I work from home and share desk with DH who is naturally quite messy. It doesn't bother him at all but I find it very stressful.

I’m really encouraged by all your responses. For those who’ve asked, it never occurred to me that I might have ADHD until this morning when I looked at a list of symptoms in females and thought “Crikey, I’ve got loads of these! “ It’s made me look at things a bit differently today - I’ve been very angry and blaming myself and feeling like everything that goes wrong at home is my fault for being a useless person. If I can accept that it might not be my fault in terms of a moral failing but is a genuine difficulty then the undermining self talk can go and I can be positive. I think as people have suggested, training myself to establish good habits is going to help, rather than just expecting myself to be able to do it right automatically. Our house was untidy growing up so good habits have never been established. I have been sorting out paperwork since start of Jan and filled several bin bags with shredded paper which is a good start. Going to download Marie K on my kindle. (My husband bought it me three years ago but obviously I can’t find it!’

I don't think there is such a thing as a "naturally tidy" person - everyone is by nature slovenly and disorganised and has to learn strategies to become organised.

But if you are neuro divergent, that can make it much harder to learn those strategies, but not impossible. And in fact, it makes it even more important to have systems in place to help you manage. So don't be disheartened and don't give up - since there is no such thing as a "naturally tidy" person - just people who put effort into being tidy - it is perfectly possible for you to become one of those tidy people as well.

Hmm. My house is immaculate. The drawers and cupboards aren't. I know where everything is.

Handbag: keys, car keys, purse, cheque book, phone, work lanyard, work phone, small pencil case with work keys, driving licence. Slippers in hall.

Briefcase: filofax, laptop, papers for next day. My desk at work is never tidy. Always cluttered although no papers left out.

don't put yourself under too much pressure either.the rising panic and fear and self shaming comes from you and howyour reacting to what you think are your failings.but your not failing.what if this is how you are.have some self compassion and flip the berating yourelf on its head to hand holdin gyourself and thinking "ok this Is me.so how can I be there for me to help me out." then your on your side.sounds silly at first but once you start being able to reassure yourself and then have some self compassion it can really help.
then be gentle and think what could help.i definitely agree with having things in its place.and then putting them back there.dont just think oh ill put it away later and leave it on the top.no go and put it away.
if you go and find something and thing wow I haven't seen that in motnhs.that mena you don't usually need it so chuck it their and then.
when you get cards or paper or anything think ahead to whether youll need or want it in the future.if not why are yout putting it away just in case.you wont need it.
if you don't feel up to much.try the place in front of you.give it a quick tidy and clean and it will make you feel so much better to do anything at all.

What’s brilliant about Marie Kondo is you get get rid of loads of stuff and are left only with stuff you like - so you open your drawer, you’ve got less stuff, but you love it all. As a pp has said, you can also see what you have and so can quickly see what you have a lot of - you might have five pairs of black trousers and it helps you understand why you love some pairs more than others. This in turn helps you buy less - in the shop you think about the black trousers you already have and ask yourself why you are buying another pair, do you really love them and if you do succumb it prompts you to throw out a sub-standard pair they are replacing. When you have less stuff, you know what you have so you can find what you are looking for - it saves so much times and it’s much easier to organise. You know where everything goes and you have room to put stuff away so it’s much easier to do so - as the book says, it is actually life changing.

I (almost) always have a visitor on a Saturday or Sunday - an old or new friend, a neighbour, a friend of DD with Mum for playdate which makes me clean and tidy the house every Sat evening or Sun morning. It doesn't even get that dirty because we're spending very little time at home during the week and I clean the kitchen almost every night after dinner. DD is only 3 but is very good at cleaning up her toys. Bathrooms are cleaned weekly-every 2 weeks. As for being organised, most things have their special places so don't usually get lost and we have a large calendar on the fridge which is being updated daily and keeps me on top of our everyday and monthly routine. All these are acquired skills - I was a chaos before marriage and sometimes do not recognise myself.

Which MK book did you use as think there are several?

I have a rubbish bin in every room. If you make some rubbish, it goes in the bin, not on the bench / bed / sofa.

A key hanger on the wall near the front and back door - when you come indoors, hang the keys up immediately.

A laundry basket for each person with their name on it. I fold clothes when they come off the line or out of the dryer, and put them straight in the person's basket. They can take the basket to their room or leave it in the laundry - either way they know where their clothes are.

Book cases in each bedroom - I also put an "inbox" on each bookcase. If anyone gets paperwork to be dealt with, put it in their inbox, not floating around the house.

I've never been organised or tidy. I think what I need is a massive clear out - and that is hard for me as I am a bit of a hoarder, not helped by the fact that when I have thrown stuff out I have often regretted it,or found at that it would have been handy 12 months later after all...

Anyway, a massive clear out - getting storage so that there is a place for the stuff remaining to go and that is ITS place. Always putting things in their place. I am always absent mindedly putting things down not in their place adn losing them.

Biggest problem is the time to do it - I am ALWAYS chasing my arse - two young kids, trying to study, trying to work out where to go with my life.

I used to be notorious amongst family and friends for mess, disorganization and chaos. I did Marie Kondo about 6 years ago, my life has totally changed for the better, everything has its place, I'm in control of my life. I love my life so much more now.

I am a work in progress here are my top tips.

I set reminders on my phone for birthdays, parents eve, dentist nights our etc this really helps

I have a nice heart shaped bowl on hall table for car keys and DH’s pass (as he would drive me insane halting to look for his stuff when I barely knew where my own things were.

I have watched Marie Condo on Netflicks I haven’t done the folding but I have been inspired to de clutter and tidy all my draws and wardrobe.

I have a space in the kitchen cupboard for any paperwork we need to keep or refer back to and I tidy this up periodically.

I now try and pick up and put away things in most rooms most or more of the time which makes things look better on a day to day basis (and makes it quicker to tidy up).

I don’t often do a big clean all in one go now I break it down which seems less onerous and more manageable.

Recently I also have an ongoing magnetic to do list on the go which I add to frequently and reminds me to ring x, sort y or buy z with a tick off box this seems to make me more proactive and makes what I have to do seem more manageable than keeping it in my head.

OP, Marie Kondo says that the god of tidying is always on your side (she can be a little whimsical).

Tidying isn't a moral good, it's just something that helps you. Having been untidy previously isn't a moral failing, you just made life a bit harder for yourself for a while.

Yes I'm a messy converted to ultra tidy

I think it was ( for me ) part of growing up and being responsible

I'm also a work in progress - DH and I used to live in a tip! We then did a house move that involved crossing a stretch of sea 18 months ago, and it really opened our eyes to how much stuff we had and never used - asking "am I willing to pay to take this over the ocean?" really put it into perspective. We are much much less attached to 'stuff' now, and I actually find I now shop a lot less for bits and bobs, I just know I probably don't need them whereas before I'd do a lot of window shopping/buying nice things for the house. We have a toddler so our house is not perfect, but most things have a place and it is easy to 'put it right' when toddler has made a mess - before she would have just been adding to it. Also, having said child has made me really want to be cleaner and tidier - I don't want her living in filth.

It sounds obvious but, a place for everything and everything in its place really does make a huge difference.

SLOW DOWN Thst is all you need to do, you will then find you get more done and remember more stuff.

Hello! I too have never been organised or thought of myself as particularly tidy and bought the Marie Kondo book hoping that it would transform my home. Sadly it was just too daunting for me to tackle on my own and I found her approach slightly unrealistic for me. In the end, I hired someone to help me and it was money very well spent. The relief of just having it done, once and for all! If you don’t want to hire someone, maybe ask a friend to help you declutter? I found it very difficult to declutter sentimental possessions particularly! If anyone wants her contact details then do let me know. I think everyone can become a tidy person, sometimes I think you just need a bit of help to get everything in order to begin with x