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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if it’s possible to become a tidy person

91 replies

JaneAustensPen · 02/02/2019 11:13

I have spent my life struggling to become organised and tidy but I live in a constant whirl of lost tickets, missing items, desk overflowing with paperwork, always looking for keys, phone, bag. It’s stressful, anxiety inducing and expensive and I have tried endlessly to impose systems and strategies but nothing seems to stick. Has anyone successfully managed to change themselves into a tidy organised person when that doesn’t come naturally? (Name changes for this.)

OP posts:
strawberryredhead · 02/02/2019 13:07

Ive been messy and am trying to be tidier and the thing that definitely helps most of all is getting rid of clutter and then having a particular place for everything you own (that second part I’m still working on). I found Marie Kondo incredibly helpful too, the book is a lot more helpful than the tv show. I’m still not done, I need to do a bit more de-cluttering and organising but things are already so much better. It’s so much easier keeping your house tidy when you’ve gotten rid of stuff you don’t need. You do need large chunks of time when it comes to sorting through stuff but it’s well worth the time.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/02/2019 13:09

I de clutter regularly and rarely hoard, I've 2 Tupperware boxes for arts or certificates belong to the DC.
I imagine it would be much harder to organise if you have to much stuff.

Littlechocola · 02/02/2019 13:16

The organised mum method for tidiness and lists to be organised.
I use Wunderlist and everything goes on it. It sends alerts to tell me what I need to do on that day/time.

I’m definitely calmer when I’m organised and tidy.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 02/02/2019 13:20

You could be me. I have ADHD.
Post it notes are your friend.
Pin boards.
Writing ugly notes on the back of your hands.
Blue tacking notes to the inside of the front door reminding you of whatever.
Lists of jobs which need doing which can be crossed off, makes you feel good too.
ADHD meds.
Thing is, when it's ADHD, it progressively worsens.

TillyTheTiger · 02/02/2019 13:24

Marie Kondo fan here too. It seems like an arduous task at the start but it is SO WORTH IT!

MyFootHurts · 02/02/2019 13:24

So much easier once you've decluttered. I used the Marie Kondo method and now everything had it's place, it's so much easier to keep on top of things. As the surfaces aren't cluttered, you don't want to sully them with your keys, so it's just as easier to hang them on the hook, etc etc.

londonmummy1966 · 02/02/2019 13:25

Marie Kondo does work. I also felt overwhelmed so rather than do it room by room I did it in little bits - eg one chest of drawers one day and a cupboard another. It meant I got rid of stuff.Then I did the bit about rethinking where things meant (eg tablecloths etc n a drawer in the dining room rather than 3 floors up in the linen cupboard from hell). If it all seems too much to do a whole room then take baby steps - it also meant I could carry stuff to the charity shop on the way to work rather than taking a car trip.

MitziK · 02/02/2019 13:32

How about we start with your actual complaint, which is disorganisation causing your early morning

'FUCK FUCK WHERE ARE MY FUCKING KEYS OH FUCK I'M GOING TO BE LATE FUCK FUCK I'VE LOOKED THERE ALREADY FUCK. Oh. There they are. I've looked on top of the fridge three times already. How are they there?

not untidiness per se, as, whatever I might think of things being untidy, if you can instantly lay your hands upon whatever you want or direct somebody to them without having to be there, it's not a problem?

You need a cork noticeboard and hooks near the door (well up and away from the letterbox/can't be seen from outside) and to train yourself.

At the moment, you do it on Autopilot, but you don't do the same things every time, so you have no memory of where anything is. Training yourself gets rid of that - it doesn't matter how messy everything is if you know exactly where to find those items when you need them.

Put a corkboard up behind your front door. Keep it on the hinge side and high up, so you need to reach up (the action helps you to remember) and nobody can see or reach where your keys are kept from the outside.

As soon as you walk in through the door, you turn and put your keys/work lanyard/work keypass/keys on their hook. Every time. Without fail. Say out loud 'Keys' as you do it.

There will be other things you always do - I take my bag and hang it up, take my coat off and hang it up, kick my shoes off and head for the bathroom. This means there is somewhere to hang my coat and bag (the banister) and a shoe rack exactly where I take them off, rather than somewhere else in the house. I then take my phone out & put it down beside the kettle as I walk through the kitchen to the bathroom. There's a socket with a charger permanently in it there. When I come out from the bathroom, I'm going to put the kettle on, so I plug my phone in (and will be able to find it later).

Within days, you will be able to mime your actions. And if you slip up, simply by retracing your steps and miming, you will remember any deviation from the routine, which will guide you to the hiding place of whatever is missing.

On the way out in the morning, never touch the front door without your keys in the hand that turns the handle. Step outside, but rather than allowing the door to close behind you, turn to face it and, still holding your keys in your hand, then you look at your hand with your keys in, saying out loud 'Keys' as you pull the door shut. This avoids the homecoming spectacle of you emptying the scraps of paper, old biros, loose change and dusty tampons from your handbag and pockets over the door step to the tune of OH SHIT SHIT SHIT THEY MUST BE AT WORK SHIT SHIT where you can't actually remember picking them up in the morning. (I'd also recommend a spare door key that is physically attached to the inside of your bag at all times, just in case you leave them at work or drop them on the way home).

Once you've trained yourself to not do the morning OH FUCK routine, you'll have the worst part sorted and can start looking at everything else. Smile

Yes, I know this is reminiscent of training a dog. That's the point. You train yourself to do these things automatically with verbal and physical commands, you see yourself doing them, you feel yourself doing them, you hear yourself doing them.

RednaxelasPony · 02/02/2019 13:40

Was your house organised growing up? Did you have an example set of how to live an organised life? If you didn't then step one is see that you don't have the skills because you were never taught, and then forgive yourself, and then set out to learn!

E.g. I could never find my keys so screwed up a set of hooks next to the front door. All keys get hung on there. Soon as I open the door they are still in my hand go straight on the hook. Sounds obvious but genuinely a breakthrough! I would spend 10 minutes every morning panicking trying to find my keys before I did that.

I did the Kondo and it did help a lot. Main lesson learned was I have way too much stuff. I didn't know how to organise any of it. I didn't have a home for a lot of things. As part of the Kondo you have to make a single home for each item. Again sounds obvious but I'd never thought that way.

Calvinsmam · 02/02/2019 13:43

I would say the opposite. That is how people end up with houses full of crap

100% agree with this.

I have gone from being super untidy to incredibly organised and it was all down to following the organised mum method and buying less stuff. Less stuff but better quality that I actually liked.

showmethegin · 02/02/2019 13:45

In the middle of Kondo'ing my house, it's amazing! Especially how you fold things, it frees up so much space; look at this drawer!

To ask if it’s possible to become a tidy person
Cagliostro · 02/02/2019 13:45

I’m not tidy at all, I am autistic and my executive function skills are virtually non existent.

However I AM improving. Slowly. I have hope. I don’t think I will ever be naturally tidy and clean like some people but good enough is good enough.

justasking111 · 02/02/2019 13:51

We have a hall table, all keys are supposed to go there, DS still loses his. He is dyslexic as are all the men in my life.

I have just cleaned out my pull out larder. Now I can see what is what. I kind of follow the declutter rule, following a massive clear out when we moved house. The spare room is still a dumping ground and too cold to enter in this weather.

Pernickity1 · 02/02/2019 13:52

I’m similar OP, it drives me nuts! I really want to tackle this this year and made it part of my New Years resolutions to become more organised.

I bought a wall planner with an attached pen (because pens are another thing I can never find!) and I write down everything. I have it hung up in the kitchen because that’s where I spend most of my time (SAHM). I also ordered storage from ikea and a coat and shoe rack for the hall - this has made the biggest impact! Instead of shoes/coats/keys dragged through every room in the house they now have a place to live and I’ve got into the habit of taking these things off as soon as I walk through the door.

I started the organised mum method as advised on here, but reading the comments upthread, I think I’m going to have to invest in m. Kondo!

caesio · 02/02/2019 13:59
  1. Logical (to you) place for everything. Label draws with masking tape/sharpie at first to help you remember.
  2. If there isn't space for everything, get rid of some stuff
  3. Whenever you leave a room, take stuff back towards where it lives. e.g. dirty cup to kitchen, jumper to go upstairs
  4. Use some kind of weekly routine to keep on top of washing/basic cleaning e.g organised mum
MitziK · 02/02/2019 14:03

Not putting keys on the hall table isn't 'dyslexia, can't be helped', it's just not been presented to him in a way that he can learn it.

Rather than 'we have to put our keys on the table in the hallway as soon as we come in', which is very wordy and not particularly effective, try what I've put upthread about using definite actions, speaking to reinforce those actions, using the visual cues to embed it in his mind and doing them every single time.

coco123456789 · 02/02/2019 14:03

You can have a place for everything, but you have to actually put your stuff there! We have a key rack by the door. I put my keys there, DH never does. He leaves them in his pocket on the kitchen counter - loads of random places. Then he's stressed if he can't find them (I can always find mine!). But he's not stressed enough to put them in the right place in the first place! You can have all the 'places' and systems in the world but it doesn't work if you aren't naturally inclined to follow it.
If it's causing you stress and upset though then try and be strict with yourself and whenever you enter the house consciously put down your key and bags so you know where they are. You don't need to go mad de cluttering your whole house. Marie Kondo, whilst certainly helpful, has also now had a negative effect in that its just yet another way for people (usually women) to feel inadequate that they're somehow falling short by not having instagrammable shelves.

Pernickity1 · 02/02/2019 14:18

What do people do when their DH is a messy git and singlehandedly ruins all your good work? LTB?! Grin

nevernotstruggling · 02/02/2019 14:30

My scheme is having loads of hooks for all the lot bags and them being kept there all the time. Key box with hooks by front door. I never we lose keys.

Regular declutter.

Using the calendar and reminders on my phone stops me losing my mind. See something I need to book - out a reminder for when the kids go to bed and I can concentrate.

All appointments go straight into phone calendar. All a activities even the ones we do e try week.

Run out of something - straight on the loft in my phone.

Lastly for me having uht milk is the meaning of life!

PoutySprout · 02/02/2019 14:34

Kondo didn’t land for me. Someone with a tidy mind can’t write a book that makes sense to someone with an untidy mind.

I’m reading this. And it’s really making sense.

www.amazon.co.uk/Manage-Your-Home-Without-Losing/dp/153183406X?tag=mumsnetforum-21

MitziK · 02/02/2019 15:07

What do people do when their DH is a messy git and singlehandedly ruins all your good work? LTB?! grin

You train them like you train yourself.

It's how I am sitting in a tidy house where everything can be found. It's taken a while, but the house is pretty much immaculate these days. He found out that he's a lot more relaxed with less visual noise/stuff over the place and, with help/lots of obviously visual and physical cues, he got the hang of it without too many Saturday morning/day off rage cleans - and no nagging/bollocking about it, as strings of words don't sink in past the 'I'm in trouble'.

So much so, he's decided that the linen bins go in particular places that work for him and nicely complained about my not putting the right washing in the right place last week. And provided a damp cloth immediately when the cat knocked my cup earlier.

If I feel like it, I could do some dusting or polishing. But I don't actually need to - which is good, because I can't be arsed after a week at work.

MikeUniformMike · 02/02/2019 15:12

Start with one thing. Paperwork, for you, I think.
Allocate the space/storage for it. Keep only what you have to.

Tip: Don't buy something just because it is a bargain. That bargain will sit in your home for years, and you will probably never use it.

Smallhorse · 02/02/2019 15:17

Yes it is possible.
I got there I’m my 50s.
Life is so much better when you are tidy and organised.

It actually takes less, not more time.

Birdsofafeather17 · 02/02/2019 15:21

I'm another one who would advise Marie Kondo's method. You have to follow it through to get all the benefits. It really works though.

BeanTownNancy · 02/02/2019 15:42

@JaneAustensPen
I think for me, the biggest thing with Marie Kondo was just the realisation that I was keeping a bunch of stuff "just in case" and never, ever using it. So I had like 7 sets of bedding for my bed - 4 of them were shit quality or the wrong size and I hated them. Was I ever going to use more than 3 sets of bedding? No, even if there was a complete bedding disaster and 1 was drying, 1 was in the wash and 1 was on the bed, I would just use the 1st set once it was dry. Why keep the shit ones? So I got rid of them, reduced the amount of stuff in the cupboard by over half and gained new space to store my Christmas jumpers out of the way instead of constantly falling over them. Reduce your shit = reduce your stress.

@showmethegin
Now that is a sexy drawer!