To expect my 8 year old to tidy his room?!!

[Bethanyg25]

So every weekend we are having the same fight. My son has the messiest room I have ever seen. We bought him a high sleeper so we could put more storage under his bed for his stuff. But still you can’t see the floor. He tidies it after a huge battle but it stays ‘tidy’ for a day max. I literally feel like crying when I see it and often just keep the door shut. Pulled his chest of draws out this morning and there is endless shit behind it, ripped pages out of books, loose cds etc etc etc. He says I’m ruining his life by making him sort it out every weekend cos it takes him so long. Just don’t understand how it happens! Anyone else have the same prob? I know kids are messy but this is beyond a joke

I think 8 is too young to understand something as vague as “tidy up”. I also wonder if he has too much stuff?

I think you should take a different approach he is only 8. Every evening before bed help him put away the things he has used that day. Start good habits and don't let it pile up for a week

Also, wouldn’t it be best to help him put everything away before bed, rather than storing it all up for the weekend?

Children need to learn how to keep things tidy as they go along rather than a weekly big tidy up fight.

Im thinking too much stuff too. Does he have a laundry basket and enough space to store everything in the first place?

If you had to buy a high sleeper and more storage, he probably has too much stuff.

If you are making him clean it every week, what is the mess? Toys? Clothes? Rubbish? Perhaps a cull is I order. I do this with the children every so often we go through stuff ...... Do you want to keep this? Do you play with this anymore? Is it broken? I don't make them get rid of anything they don't want to but sometimes it feels good to declutter.

How as your standards? Be honest. Do you except it to be tidy or do you expect it to home décor magazine shoot ready.

Can you send him up there for an hour and then go up an help him. Look at it as spending time with him. Having a chat along the way.

He probably has to much stuff and probably needs adult input to structure the task.

If you've never seen a room that messy then being sent to tidy it without breaking the task down would overwhelm some adults and most 8 year olds.

Help him have a massive clear out. Your help doesn't have to be physical, you can stand in the doorway if it's important to you that he does it.

Say "First pick up all clothes and put them in the wash basket" and watch him.

Then "Now pick up anything and everything that can be thrown away and put it in this bin bag" and watch him til it's done.

Then tell him that for the rest of the task everything he doesn't want or has grown out of should be put in a box on the landing.

Carry on with "pick up all the books - anything you don't want or that's too babyish in the box, all the rest on the shelves".

Carry on with everything he has, by category.

DS has just turned 9 and he has to make sure everything is tidy bedroom and playroom before bed. No 8 isn’t too young to learn you need to tidy up daily and not starting now is how we have so many women tidying up behind their partners because their DM thought they were too old. Room should really never get too untidy that would probably help with the battle, little and often

Not sure how exacting your standards are but I think you are being very harsh. Possibly he has a small room and too much stuff, but does it really matter ? It is his room, so close the door and forget about it, or just help him as it might be too overwhelming.

He definitely has too much stuff. But suggesting a clear out results in a melt down, I’m working full time with a 5 month old baby so I don’t really have the time to help him sort it all out I’m so bloody exhausted. We don’t get home till about 6 o’clock most nights and we have dinner with a long chat, wash and bed usually so he spends hardly any time in his room during the week so it’s not during the week that it’s building up. I agree geekone that 8 is not too young to tidy up but after reading other opinions I have just been in and cleared a whole black sack out. Let’s see how long it stays clear!

My 3 year old tidies her bedroom every night before bedtime. I don't think 8 is too young at all.

Does it really really matter if a kids room is untidy from time to time? Pick your battles

He’s 8, far too young to be able to understand and coordinate a “clear out”.

Just do it for him. Then teach him how to tidy up. Make sure there’s places for everything etc.

I get overwhelmed with mess because I was never really taught how. My dcs have a lot of things and if I suggested a clearout they’d get upset. So I do it and I’ve given them storage with places for things. Plus a bin. I’ve noticed that they’re much better at keeping things tidy!

Storage is essential, now he can read label the clear boxes so that the right things go in the right boxes. My four year old grandson is now doing this because his DM set up this system. Just do not ask about the two year old lol.

Mine still can't cope with 'tidy your room' at 11 and 9. But they are fine when I tell them to go and pick up 10 things off their floor and put them away, or 20 things. Also, they're learning to haggle!

Oh but set the ground rules. A set of Top Trumps is ONE THING. So is a pair of shoes!

Good for you OP. A black sack worth is a good start. Another thing we do is plastic bids, one for Lego, one for Nerf guns, one for games etc. Doesn't look great but everything is put away and he knows where it is. Another way to smooth the path getting rid if stuff is ...... Let's put it in the loft/garage/cupboard etc. Depending on space obviously. They usually forget about it, and then you can revisit getting rid of it full stop.

Depends on the child but fir many the idea of tidying up a huge mess is overwhelmingand they don't know where to start. How about you have a specific time(Eg Saturday morning) when he tidies up. You can help him by instructing what needs doing. Eventually you can just write a list of what needs doing and he'll get the hang of it.

My mum used to say either you tidy it or i will. We knew what she meant by this was, mum would go into our rooms with a black bag and bag every thing up that wasn't where it should be. You had to keep your room tidy for 2 days before you got it back. If you carried on being untidy, she said you had too much stuff and removed stuff permanently. My sister tried it twice. I learnt by her example lol. With my own kids we tidy up at set time each day.

Plus with my own we have storage boxes with pictures on it, of what should be inside.

At 8 he should be able to tidy his own mess

My eldest two (9 and 11) have to have a tidy room before any screen time daily. I find this keeps on top of it. They have had this routine 2+ years now.

My 5 year old however may be an actual pig.

A vague instruction like tidy you room isn't working. If everything has a home it's easier to say something like: go and put your lego away. Or put your books back on the book case.

How does it get so messy if he's hardly in it? Is it a space issue?

My 8 year old is very capable of tidying his room and is very good at it. I would be more concerned about the ripped books and discarded cd's. This indicates a lack of respect and something I would be addressing immediately.

We found we needed to have very clear storage containers so dd knew where to put things - we also had to do it daily because any more and she got overwhelmed. Some people do struggle to keep things tidy - the better the system the more likely they can keep things tidy

When you get the urge do the black bag thing and fill with stuff to take to charity/give away/throw away. Dont tell him he wont notice. Mine always insist on keeling everything. Just do a few mins each time hes in the bath. Will become more manageable in a while then.

Keeping everything not keeling