Arguing for the sake of it

[missesschmisses]

Does anyone else's Dp keep an argument going for the sake of it?! DP reduced me to tears with the most ridiculous conversation this morning, it's exasperating how something so little gets turned into a big bloody stroppy ordeal.

In our bedroom we have a box in one corner tucked away. I put it there and put bits and bobs in the there to keep the room tidy (ish). My DP has decided it is a book box for our DS books, and keeps taking my things out of the box. Over the past few weeks when I go into the bedroom my things (books, dress, make up bag) will be on the floor. I put them back in the box, next time I go into the room, DP has put them on the floor.

Today I asked him to stop doing it, I told him it's my stuff, and asked him to stop putting it on the floor. He can do what he wants with his stuff, but to leave mine because it's up-to me what I do with my stuff.

DP refusing to do so, just saying 'good for you' on repeat and 'it's a book box' and 'I'll keep doin it because it's a book box'

Driving me MAD. AIBU to think I should be able to put my things, in my box, in our bedroom?

He's an arrogant, controlling arse and you deserve better.

Yes you should have you asked why he keeps doing it

What is a book box?

That’s not normal behaviour on his part. Is he like this in general?

@GertrudeWilloughby haha my bloody point exactly. DS has a nursery with shelves for his books. I said to DP if he really wants a book box he can go online and order one, but I imagine he will struggle because IT DOESNT EXIST

Surely your DS's books would be on a bookshelf in his room?

Sorry, page didn't update!

WTAF?

Has he been like this with anything else?

I’d have battered him with the books by now.

It’s just so childish and ridiculous.

Appropriate his knicker draw for storing cheese, "It's a cheese box".

Tell him you’re going to buy an expensive piece of furniture for your stuff out of his money if he doesn’t stop being a childish git.

Christ, I want to leave him after that.

My partner will sometimes do the repeating thing too though - as in will do something ridiculous and just repeat something like the above "good for you" when I try and argue/make sense of it. No idea how to solve that though, sorry! Will follow with interest.

He's controlling you. If he's reducing you to tears he probably got what he wanted out of it.
He doesn't want your 'stuff' in his shared space. It's like an imposition on him.
Ask him if he'd like to move out of the room entirely so he can 'own' the space entirely?
He's really angry with you but cannot communicate it. It's likely that anger is from something else in his life, but he's trying to make you responsible for it.
He's probably a sulker and gives you the silent treatment as well. Nice.

He’s a dick.
He has taken your differing opinion and insistence on sticking with it, as a personal attack. You are supposed to agree with him and let him have his way. He is offended by your inference that he is not in charge and his decision has been questioned. He’ll decide what goes in the box thanks and you can fuck off thinking otherwise.

That’s not an argument, OP — that’s the equivalent of a six year old saying ‘You’re a loser’, ‘YOU’re a loser,’ ‘You’re a loser times a million billion, no comebacks’. I thought this was going to be someone making the same pro-Brexit arguments continually or something.

If he's reducing you to tears he probably got what he wanted out of it.

For the avoidance of doubt, the way he's treating you is not how a decent, respectful partner treats somebody they love and care about. It's now how other people's relationships are conducted - except the ones being abused. Coercive control.

Yes, you should be able to have choices and control about what happens to your own possessions. What else does he override?

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Where did the box come from in the first place?

He sounds nasty and immature. Have you been together long? He sounds like he has zero respect for you..

Christ what is his problem? It sounds like he enjoys upsetting you. What was his response when he saw he’d reduced you to tears?

Absolutely in favour of spam's idea. What a dick (your husband not spam).

Out if interest, where does he think your stuff should go? And why does he want to store your child’s books in your bedroom?

He sounds really childish, is he like this in other areas of your life?

Bullying shit.

It's your box. If he wants another box, he buys a box.

You could try taking and re-purposing something of his.

Bet you won't though. (Because he'll be angry and you, not him will get upset? Because he will dogmatically refuse to see the connection? Because you don't have the total adherence to being a selfish shit, or adequate contempt for him, that you'd need to see it through with a straight face?).

Is he typically overbearing/controlling in this way?
Often, acts of control are seemingly trivial to the outsider’s eye. They are just tiny reminders of who’s in charge, chipping away at their partner’s boundaries and sense of self. The shockingly disproportionate anger and aggression that results from daring to disagree with a controller over these supposedly small points, rubs away at their willingness to reasonably stand their ground, leaving them vulnerable to being bullied as a matter of course.

I’m not saying that’s what’s going on here...I have picked up the ball and run with it in my train of thought. But if this is characteristic of your OH, you might want to think about why the damn box is making him so angry.

Please please please do Spam’s idea of using his undies drawer as a cheese box . Men can be such infants at times. When they don’t think they’re getting enough attention they do something dickish to get a reaction.

Yep what a wanker !!

I need more details on the box. I can see you keeping bits and bots and what have you in a box - but a dress? Is the dress folded up or is it half-worn and might have another outing before it goes in the wash??

I agree, he's being an idiot, and sounds like a bit of a controlling knob. Does he display controlling or belittling behaviours at other times OP?