Arguing for the sake of it

[missesschmisses]

Does anyone else's Dp keep an argument going for the sake of it?! DP reduced me to tears with the most ridiculous conversation this morning, it's exasperating how something so little gets turned into a big bloody stroppy ordeal.

In our bedroom we have a box in one corner tucked away. I put it there and put bits and bobs in the there to keep the room tidy (ish). My DP has decided it is a book box for our DS books, and keeps taking my things out of the box. Over the past few weeks when I go into the bedroom my things (books, dress, make up bag) will be on the floor. I put them back in the box, next time I go into the room, DP has put them on the floor.

Today I asked him to stop doing it, I told him it's my stuff, and asked him to stop putting it on the floor. He can do what he wants with his stuff, but to leave mine because it's up-to me what I do with my stuff.

DP refusing to do so, just saying 'good for you' on repeat and 'it's a book box' and 'I'll keep doin it because it's a book box'

Driving me MAD. AIBU to think I should be able to put my things, in my box, in our bedroom?

@mashedspud no you should never threaten to waste the other persons money as a punishment.

If my wife said that to me I would cut my contributions to the joint account immediately.

Filing your DH under ‘men I hear about on Mumsnet who are horrible, rude, thoughtless, controlling cunts and yet are somehow tolerated by women’.

I honestly don’t know how you live with it. Does his cock vibrate and ejaculate chocolate ganache? What makes this asshole worth it?!

There are so many lovely, normal men out there who don’t behave this way, OP...

@DointItForTheKids no not nearly folded away- more bundled in quickly as had ds in one arm - it's just bits that would be laying around the room if they weren't in the box until I get a chance to put them away!

No that's weird is he usually like this?

This excerpt from “Why Does He Do That?” (Inside the minds of angry and controlling men.) by Lundy Bancroft articulates what I’m trying to say much more effectively.
Anger and scorn plays an important part for a domestic bully.

“Mom, Dad and their children are having dinner on a Wednesday night.
Dad is snappy and irritable, criticizing everybody during the meal, spreading his tension around like electricity. When he finishes eating, he leaves the table abruptly and heads out of the room. His ten-year-old daughter says. “Dad, where are you going? Wednesday is your night to wash the dishes.” Upon hearing these words, Dad bursts into flames, screaming, “You upstart little shit, don’t you dare try to tell me what to do! You’ll be wearing a dish on your face!” He grabs a plate off the table, makes like he is going to throw it at her, and then turns away and smashes it on the floor. He knocks a chair over with his hand and storms out of the room. Mom and the children are left trembling, the daughter bursts into tears. Dad reappears in the doorway and yells that she’d better shut up, so she chokes off her tears, which causes her to shake even more violently. Without touching a soul, Dad has sent painful shock waves through the entire family. We move ahead now to the following Wednesday. Dinner passes fairly normally, without the previous week’s tension, but Dad
still strolls out of the kitchen when he finishes eating. Does a family member remind him that it’s his turn to wash the dishes? Of course not. It will be many, many months before anyone makes that mistake again. … Dad’s scary behaviour has created a context in which he won’t have to do the dishes anytime he doesn’t feel like it, and no one will dare take him to task for it. … The abusive man gains power.”

I fear your other half is using anger and scorn to discourage you from challenging him, that’s all.
I’m going to guess you have experienced this with him before, to the point you now feel compelled to seek advice and support with it. His disproportionate anger has shocked you to tears and my guess is that the next time you find your belongings on the floor, you’ll find somewhere else to put them.
It’s only a box...but it sets a precedence and that’s the worry.

“Ok. Fine it’s a book box”

Go out and buy a nice new box and use that instead.

I bet he wouldn’t argue as much if he couldn’t get a reaction. He’s a complete dick and obviously enjoys seeing you in tears

Yes I like that. Bypass his bullshit, agree it’s a book box (whatever, you dick) and buy a nice, new box for your odds and ends.

Put all of his stuff in the bath.

Keep doing it until he sees how stupid he is being.

It worked with my husband when he kept leaving things on the floor.

I move everything but I do clean everything and organise everything. I also notice if I'm upsetting anyone.

I would also buy another box declare it an odds and sods box and relinquish the fucking 'book box' which is utter bollocks because they don't exist His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

Ugh. Next time he does it, empty his clothes draws on the floor and put your son's books in the drawers. Tell him it's a book box.

Yes...if he’s pissed off about the new box that will tell all. If the point is to bully you, a new box will make him furious.

I really wouldn't cede your box. It would set a precedent.

He wants another box, he goes to the trouble of finding and buying the box. Don't cast yourself as mopper-up of his self-created problems.

(Why does he want to store you dc's books in your bedroom, rather than the dc's?)

And just to reiterate a pp's point, this isn't 'an argument' it's bullying.

'Arguing for the sake of it' is done with words, not actions.

He keeps doing it because he knows it upsets you. You already have asked him to stop and the arrogant twat has showed you his response. If this was me I would empty all his belongings into a bin bag and repeat the same rubbish he gives you until he gets the message!

If he's not a controlling bully, you could have a conversation with him asking why he needs to keep the books in a box, rather than on the shelf. He may have a good, genuine reason, then you could work towards a solution.
However, the fact that you've said he just repeats 'good for you', implies that he's not open to a conversation. In that case, I would buy another box, but seriously consider the idea that I'm married to a controlling bully. Once you've opened that can of worms, you may start to be aware of other controlling behaviours. At that point you may need to think about what you do next with your life.

Would a padlock do it ?
Seriously Say: it is my box, it isn't for anything specific. Other than tidying up my junk.WTAF do you think just ditching my things on the floor is intelligent adult behaviour.
Why it has been unilaterally declared a book box is a mystery.
Ds books go back to his room on the shelf.
If I find my things one more time on the floor. You will know where to look for yours in the future
Tosser.

Ah, it's a bit of a staging post / keep messy things tidies away box OP, I get it!

I think one way of dealing with it might be just when he puts his stuff in there and takes yours out, WITHOUT A WORD, just take his stuff back out, throw it down the stairs, put it obviously in the kitchen bin, throw it in the bath, and put your stuff back in. Repeat, wordlessly, until he stops and completely ignoring any comments.

You don't say if he does anything like this at other times.

*tidied

Whilst he is an absolute dick and behaving appallingly, I don't get the box, surely in the time it took to put the dress in the box you could've put it in the laundry basket or a drawer? Same with make up etc where does it actually live and if that's not workable it need a practical home, eg my moisturizer lives in the bathroom because I use it after I shower, my make up lives in the drawer of my dressing table because that's where I put it on. Sounds like you don't have enough storage OP or you're not using it and shoving everything in a box 🤷

I have a box like this, and it's always by the side of my bed/under my side.

It just helps me sort things quicker before hoovering or whatever. It's usually things which could or do have a home, but I need them all the time.

I'd either LTB for being what I assume is an abusive controlling cunt, or I'd order myself a really nice new box to use and ignore his stupid 'book box'. He sounds like my stupid ex

Nice new box.... with a great big massive LOCK on it ! Get into that you twat!!!! (Also screwed to the floor...).