to not understand people that are afraid of dogs

[Josico58]

Is it not an extremely debilitating and irrational fear? Based on how many dogs there are about in public, how do you go about daily life? And to think they’re all about to attack you for no reason?

I can understand people feeling nervous of a big dog hurtling towards them/their small children, but regular, well behaved dogs in public places. Really a problem?

Don’t mean to sound harsh but it just comes across as a bit pathetic to me.

A friend’s little girl is terrified of my dog. It’s a Cavalier puppy, hardly scary! I admit he can be excitable and full on, and we’re training him not to jump up or lick people. But the mum kind of enables it, picking DD up and saying “it’s OK, he’s not going to get you”. I’m left feeling a bit “Er, get a grip!!”

AIBU?

Sorry, as an animal lover I just can’t understand this seemingly common fear.

I suspect popular opinion will be that I am and I’m ready for the backlash!!

Yeah I take back my comment about it not being rational. It's a rational fear. I also just don't like them if I'm being entirely honest. My real pet hate is dog owners who say "oh he'll not touch you/so gentle" etc... It's an animal. You can't ever really know for sure what they will do surely? You can only make a guess based on past behaviour.

So how old is this little girl, I'm guessing quite small if her mum can pick her up, and she doesn't like a dog jumping up at her - now thats a surprise

PS I like dogs

And you cant cure someone of a fear like you are doing in fact you make it worse!!! That poor girl

Ah well, I’m pathetic.

As is DD who has SEN and doesn’t process fast movement, and unpredictability causes panic. So a fast moving, even happy dog terrifies her. And me holding her, reassuring her that she’s ok and the dog isn’t going to get her needs me to get a grip according to OP. Actually, she doesn’t need a grip she just needs an adult to calm her and talk her through the panic.

I used to be anxious of dogs, still am a bit I suppose? I am better now that I have got to know a few dogs but I'm still a bit wary of dogs I don't know and it doesn't matter if they are small and fluffy. (It is worse if they are big, but generally big dogs seem to be quite well trained).

I don't think that dogs are about to attack at all times. I know dog attacks are rare, so that would be irrational. The problem is that I didn't/don't know dog behaviour well enough to be able to predict an attack, and I don't know the difference between aggressive behaviour and playful. So when a dog is barking and being very active (not necessarily at me, perhaps at a ball or something) it would make me nervous because I don't know if the dog is likely to stay focused on its ball or suddenly think me or my children are part of the game and lunge at one of us instead. Sometimes dog owners try to reassure "He's only playing" but that doesn't really help because I don't want to be played with the way the dog is playing with that rope toy or whatever.

I don't think that a dog will attack for no reason, but I don't really know what kinds of things I might do accidentally which might frighten the dog, make it feel threatened, come across as challenging, or be a kind of "prey" behaviour. I worry when a dog is close to me that I might be surprised by it and accidentally hurt it which would cause it to retaliate.

This is helped IME by spending more time around dogs and becoming more able to predict their behaviour.

As a dog owner and dog lover, I think you are being irrational. Dogs can, and do, bite. My dog would do nothing more frightening than roll over begging for a tummy rub. But I'm aware that people coming to my door don't know that. So , when she comes hurtling towards them, they don't know what her intentions are. And I'm wary of dogs I don't know. I wouldn't say I'm afraid, I just treat them with a certain caution until I get to know their temperament.

But, I'm pretty much the same way with people I don't know😀

Spots I totally feel for your DD. I was the same when I was small. I believe one of the things that made it worse for me was mixed messages. Relatives with dogs would say to me ‘don’t be silly, he won’t hurt you’ but if my brother or cousins were bugging the dog they’d say ‘stop or he’ll bite you’

I’m much less afraid now but I think I’ll always have that basic fear. We leave on the coast and I never truly enjoy a walk along the beach because there are always dogs bounding about and I get twitchy.

Hugs to your DD, it’s horrible to be so frightened

I’m not especially afraid of dogs, I just really really dislike them. I tell people I am allergic to avoid reactions like yours op.

I was attacked by dogs twice as a child and once as an adult. DD was attacked as a 3 year old. I detest them. I don’t want the filthy, smelly, slobbering, vicious things anywhere near me. I wish they all had to be kept muzzled and on leads in public places.
Just because you are besotted with your mutt, OP, doesn’t mean anyone else wants it jumping up with its muddy feet on their best coat or its slobbering tongue on their face.
Nor do they want to see plastic bags of dog shit hanging on bushes.
I much prefer my cat. She waits to be asked for a cuddle, buries her own shit, keeps herself scrupulously clean and doesn’t attack people.

I could go into reasons why some people/my DD/me to an extent are scared of or don’t like dogs.

I can’t be arsed though in this case as you sound too stupid and selfish to reason with.

More often that not people have a fear of dogs because they have had a negative encounter of some kind with a dog that had an owner like you

Dog lovers who anthropomorphise animals, thinking they are somehow above behaving according to their animal instincts are about as rational as that poor 'Grizzly Man' idiot who got eaten by bears because he thought they were his 'friends' and that they had a 'special' relationship.

I think a lot more people would be OK around dogs if a lot more owners knew how to train and restrain them properly.

DS and I walk through a park (with playground and football fields, not a solely dog park) on the way back from nursery. We see a lot of dogs. I've yet to see more than one that actually comes when the owner calls. Just today a spaniel (?) came bounding over all excited and jumped up at 3yo DS, mud all over both of us, me trying to shield him, owner literally laughing about it on her phone. Dickhead.

And it’s “ people WHO are afraid of dogs” but if you are a DM journalist grammar pedantry will be lost on you....

I've been bitten as a child by a dog that was 'just being friendly' according to its owner. It hurt and scared the bejazus out of me.

As an adult I've been cornered by two Alsatians while I was walking on a public footpath. They were pretty menacing, barking and growling as their owner tried to call them off. I was pretty traumatised at the thought of what might have happened.

Last summer a dog on one of those huge stretchy lead things was so distant to its owner the dog was able to jump at me as I carried a tray of drinks across from a pub to the beer garden. The tray tipped and the drinks ended up all over the grass. I got a 'soz' from the dog owner - nothing else.

While buying the paper in a shop on the way to work, a dog on its owners lead was allowed to jump up and put its mucky paws on my work clothes 'just being friendly' said the owner. Oddly enough I didn't get smartly dressed to be a dog mat.

Today while out running in a public park I, had the gross task of having to wipe dog shit of my shoes despite my best efforts to avoid the many piles around the place.

A few examples why there is no universal love of dog owners or their pets and why it is sensible to be fearful of animals you don't know.

I'm scared of dogs, if I was out and saw a dog alone I would be afraid and I'm also afraid if a dog runs up to me when walking in park/river etc.

I also just dislike dogs, I don't want a dog jumping up at me, licking me etc just like you probably wouldn't want a random child to run jump snd lick your face

So there’s nothing which scares you?

You’re either a goady fucker or just dim

Wow. Lots of defensive responses!

I’m genuinely trying to understand this, hence my post. Didn’t come on here to be called an arsehole! We can have different opinions without being rude to each other.

Thanks to the posters that did post mature and reasonable comments.

Yes your friend should definitely leave her daughter screaming and afraid in the firing line of your slobbering hound so that it can jump all over her and scare the shit out of her. That would be the sensible way for a parent to deal with a child’s fear

Are you afraid of spiders OP? Or walking down dark alleyways on your own? If someone told you that you’re more likely to be attacked by your own husband than a stranger on the street would you suddenly stop worrying about being out alone late at night (without the protection of your toothy little friend)? Have a bit of compassion.

My DD was terrified of cats when she was little - didn’t make sense to me, but for her they were much bigger comparatively and could obviously scratch bite, run at her. She now has a cat that she adores, not because I told her to ‘man up’ and left her to be jumped on by maurauding cats, but because in her own time she started to interact with cats outside and stroke the friendly ones etc and they didn’t jump on her, lick her, bite or scratch her, they didn’t smell, and they’re a manageable size for a young child.

She’s still nervous around dogs as a preteen, as we don’t have them and we don’t regularly spend time with anyone who has them. When we do, they invariably bark loudly, run around being annoying, jump, lick, try and steal your food. They’re just not very pleasant to be around.

Also what doesn't help is reading on MN and dog behaviour sites about how to prevent dog bites, yet seeing lots and lots of owners doing all the things you're NEVER supposed to do. That freaks me out. When we took 4 month old DS2 to meet MIL DH was holding him and the dog managed to lick his face within about 15 minutes, it put me on massive high alert the whole time we were there, if she'd snapped she would have seriously injured him. And yet DH and MIL would have thought I was being totally OTT and dog-hating to suggest such a thing. I can't get DH to take my anxiety over dogs seriously, he just laughs, so I had to just say I didn't want him getting dog hair or slobber in his mouth and that's why I didn't want them close enough to lick or sniff him. But WTF? That's a basic thing surely? You don't let a dog close enough to a baby to get a bite in even if you don't think the dog would ever bite.

I don’t like dogs. I don’t like my SIL’s rat like terrier thing, I don’t like my DB’s donkey sized Great Dane.

Just as they don’t like my beautiful, fluffy bundles of feline gorgeousness!

Each to their own, I don’t like being jumped up at, slobbered on, the commitment of regular walks (I’m disabled with significant mobility issues), harassed to throw balls about etc (Neither does my SIL from what I can see and she has two bloody dogs!)