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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand people that are afraid of dogs

520 replies

Josico58 · 01/02/2019 20:59

Is it not an extremely debilitating and irrational fear? Based on how many dogs there are about in public, how do you go about daily life? And to think they’re all about to attack you for no reason?

I can understand people feeling nervous of a big dog hurtling towards them/their small children, but regular, well behaved dogs in public places. Really a problem?

Don’t mean to sound harsh but it just comes across as a bit pathetic to me.

A friend’s little girl is terrified of my dog. It’s a Cavalier puppy, hardly scary! I admit he can be excitable and full on, and we’re training him not to jump up or lick people. But the mum kind of enables it, picking DD up and saying “it’s OK, he’s not going to get you”. I’m left feeling a bit “Er, get a grip!!”

AIBU?

Sorry, as an animal lover I just can’t understand this seemingly common fear.

I suspect popular opinion will be that I am and I’m ready for the backlash!!

OP posts:
TheBestThingsInLifeAreFreee · 01/02/2019 21:55

I have dogs and work with dogs, I am pretty obsessed with dogs tbh. I absolutely love them and I really don't understand how any one can hate them, or any animal really. But I am totally respectful of fears and phobias, and would definitely sympathise with someone who had been attacked by a dog in the past.

WanderingTrolley1 · 01/02/2019 21:55

It’s not “a bit pathetic”, OP, if you’ve been attacked by one.

Yabu.

Original poster
Josico58 · 01/02/2019 21:57

Yes @Iused2BanOptimist that was my point. I feel like the friend is sending the message to the child that there is something to be scared of.

OP posts:
Squirrelblanket · 01/02/2019 21:57

Is this a thread about a thread? I'm guessing the OP had a thread somewhere about an excitable dog and is all butthurt about being told they are unreasonable, twice? Oh dear.

Wolfiefan · 01/02/2019 21:57

My dog is huge. I’m well aware that people may be scared of her. She is well trained but even her loping past a child could be scary. Her mouth (she’s often smiling) and those big teeth are at small child eye height. I’m very aware of that.
On a recent walk I met two adults frozen to the spot. A dog was jumping all over them. The owner called it. The dog ignored them. That’s not ok. Really not ok. They didn’t mind mine as she just walked past them.

Teenagemaw · 01/02/2019 21:58

You don't even deserve a biscuit!!! I dont like dogs I'm a little scared of dogs and i dont trust eejits like you!

Stickmanslittleleaf · 01/02/2019 21:58

People are afraid of dogs for a reason (been bitten, witnessed an attack) or no reason- a phobia. My DN is terrified of dogs, grew up in a house with 2 very very placid dogs belonging to grandparents who weren't jumpy, excitable or ever, ever aggressive. Still would jump into the road to avoid one on lead. Even now as a teen is very very wary of ANY dog.
People like you give us dog owners a bad name. Every dog should be taught from day 1 not to approach, to be petted if someone approaches them first. I had a rescue SBT who was bomb proof people wise, but if I could not stop her approaching a toddler with a chocolate bar proffered with just a word she would not have been off lead. So many owners cannot recall their dogs but allow them to roam. Your dog isn't cute to me, I don't want it to jump up at me or approach me or my children. I love my dogs- my SBT died and now I have a new rescue but I don't love yours. Also please don't let your dog approach mine whilst it's on a lead, I'm sure yours is cute and loveable but mine is ON A LEAD so keep it away. If you can't leash it.

BertieBotts · 01/02/2019 21:58

Huh? By reassuring the child and telling her that the dog is not going to hurt her?

GabsAlot · 01/02/2019 21:58

but we dont know your bloody dog! its not irritaional its an animal not a cucmber

most dogs that bite are small so how the hell do u explain that to a child while its running at them

Lemoneeza · 01/02/2019 21:58

yabu. dogs have killed children including babies.

Bluebellsarebells · 01/02/2019 21:58

What a stupid and ignorant post.
I had a debilitating fear of dogs as a child, not irrational as dogs can and do kill babies and children on a regular basis.
Ive walked into lamp posts and moving traffic to get away from dogs, stood frozen and unable to move or speak when confronted by big or unruly dogs.
Dogs barking still makes me very nervous.
Im not really scared of dogs anymore,i find the idea of people as thick and ignorant as you op, walking amongst us, in charge of potentially lethal animals no less, very very scary indeed.

Original poster
Josico58 · 01/02/2019 21:59

@Girlwiththearabstrap

I really don't see how thats "enabling" a fear, and I'm assuming most parents are a bit more articulate and kind with their young kids than telling them to get a grip.

Of course I would never tell the child to “get a grip”. It’s more that I feel like the mum’s reaction is sending a message that the dog is something to be frightened off, instead of encouraging her DD not to be scared. That’s all.

OP posts:
Purplestorm83 · 01/02/2019 22:00

Tbh it’s the fact that it’s rational that makes it hard fear to overcome, from my point of view - I was afraid of needles (injections/blood tests) and dogs. The needle phobia was much easier to overcome as it is completely irrational - yes it hurts, but only for a moment or two and could potentially save your life. The dog phobia I am on the way to overcoming, but I still think it’s sensible to be wary of strange dogs. Unfortunately, a lot of dog owners take offence if you don’t rush over to their dog and say how lovely he is, let him lick you, jump on you etc.

Prisonbreak · 01/02/2019 22:00

I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs... but I trust my dog when it doesn’t like a person.

Stickmanslittleleaf · 01/02/2019 22:01

What is your dog doing when the mum picks her child up?

StripeyDeckchair · 01/02/2019 22:02

Maybe if dog owners trained their pet and kept it under control in public fewer people would be scared or wary of them.
The reality is that many dog owners have no/insufficient control over their dog and seem to think that the public are mind readers and know that the huge animal bounding up to them "loves children and wouldn't hurt anyone". They can't see that for a child, elderly or infirm person this is scarey and they are failing to acknowledge that all animals are unpredictable and might react violently unexpectedly.

Original poster
Josico58 · 01/02/2019 22:03

@Squirrelblanket you’re not a million miles off. I was on a thread about a lady claiming her and her daughter were attacked by their neighbours dog. Turns out the dog knocked the toddler over when brushing past it, and the mother retaliated by kicking the dog. It’s a recent thread so you should be able to find it if of interest. The comments on the thread were mostly of outrage and “the dog should be seized and destroyed”. It struck me that SO many people are afraid of dogs. As a dog lover, it’s hard for me to understand.

I’d like to add that of course it’s understandable if you have previously been attacked by a dog, and when I said “irrational” I did mean for people that didn’t have an obvious reason to be scared (ie they themselves nor anyone close to them had been attacked).

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 01/02/2019 22:03

You pick the child up so that there is absolutely no danger of the dog jumping at them, because they tend to be absolutely hysterical if they are left on the ground while the owner fails to recall the dog and unable to listen to any reassurance.

Then you reassure them that the dog is not hurting or "getting" anyone.

Actually the way we got DS1 over his dog fear was to explain to him that the way to stop a dog from jumping on you is very easy, you simply tell it to go to bed. But that only works if the dog is trained. If your dog isn't yet fully trained then you should take responsibility for stopping it jumping on people by holding onto it, possibly on a lead, when people first arrive. That's not a "dog hating" view BTW it's the view of several popular (positive) dog trainers.

Original poster
Josico58 · 01/02/2019 22:05

@Stickmanslittleleaf Literally nothing I would deem as intimidating. He’s small. And yes he runs around fast and he might jump up, that of which I can understand is a bit much and we’re training him not to do that. He is still only a puppy.

It just seems quite an extreme reaction from the little girl, and then the mum comforting her (NO I AM NOT SAYING SHE SHOULDNT BE COMFORTED! I’m saying the mum should maybe reassure the DD nothing bad is going to happen, she needn’t be scared)

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 01/02/2019 22:06

Do you not think it is rational to be aware of the possibility that a dog can and may bite even if it's never happened to you? I don't like the idea of a dog bite. When there is a dog around it's a non-zero possibility.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 01/02/2019 22:06

Don’t mean to sound harsh but it just comes across as a bit pathetic to me.

You do mean to be harsh. You absolutely do. You mean to be as nasty as possible. THATS pathetic.

Lucyccfc · 01/02/2019 22:06

I'll assume OP is one of those irresponsible dog owners who says 'don't worry, it won't bite' when they allow their dog off a lead and it runs up to people, jumping at them and slobbering?

If a dog has teeth, it's capable of biting.

I know, I was bitten twice by dogs when I was a child. I didn't go near either dog, didn't antagonise either of them or even go to stroke them.

Yes, I have a fear of dogs and will go out of my way to avoid them. Especially the ones who have crap owners, who let their dogs off the lead in a public place and cannot recall them.

GabsAlot · 01/02/2019 22:07

i dont understand your point about he mum pcking her up-she was scared amd her mum was comfirting but told her not to worry about our dog

thenightsky · 01/02/2019 22:07

I had a terrible fear of dogs as a child after a massive Pyrenean Mountain Dog shoved its face into my pushchair when I was about 3. Luckily I had a sensible mother who introduced me slowly to well-behaved, nice dogs over a number of years until, by aged about 10, I was over my fear. I've owned dogs and loved dogs since then.

I'm more afraid of cats these days... psychopathic and unpredictable buggers who pretend to be all nice and cuddly then sudden sink teeth and claws into you!

At least dogs are 'readable'.

llangennith · 01/02/2019 22:07

My niece had a real dog phobia till she was 12. She was normally so confident and bold and chopsy but if she saw a dog, however far away, she became terrified and ran away full pelt. She couldn't explain why. So I quite understand that there are people who are terrified of dogs.
My sister (her DM) bought my niece a Cavalier puppy when she was 12 and as she looked after it her phobia went.