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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terrified of getting a dog?!

107 replies

Pullyers · 01/02/2019 18:41

To be clear I LOVE dogs, I'm not terrified of actual dogs. I'm just terrified of the change to our life. I can see so many positives and we have all the basics covered ie I don't work, can afford it, v suitable lifestyle etc. Just something in the back of my mind a bit like terror! What if getting a dog feels like a mistake, we couldn't rehome it obviously so would just have to suck it up. Is this apprehension normal? Any advice?!

OP posts:
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fuzzyduck1 · 02/02/2019 09:18

Its a big responsibility having a dog and not one I would take on.
I don’t even like bags for life! Thinking I have to care for this bag until I die. Then what do they have retirement homes for these bags after I die? Will I have to make provisions for all these bags in my will?
Oh the worry.

elloelloello · 02/02/2019 09:39

All of you with cockers and Springers, whether show or working types - they are utter teenage shits aren't they!

Yes! He was a complete arsehole.

Recall was a problem for a while. We thought we’d cracked it and he was reliably coming back when told, then as soon as he hit teenage boy, he was a PITA

We rented a secure field and I remember one day being late to pick up the kids from school because he wouldn’t come back, kept coming to me but staying just out of reach. I lost my rag, stood there jabbing my finger at him yelling ‘go on then, you can fuck off’ while he pranced about just out of reach.

We did get there in the end though

GruciusMalfoy · 02/02/2019 09:46

It's totally normal. And don't be afrwidnifnafter you bring them home you have moments of "WTF have we done?!" in the first few weeks. Labs are brilliant dogs, but they're puppies for a long time. It gets easier after you implement training and exercise.

sonjadog · 02/02/2019 09:47

I have had a number of puppies. I haven't found the puppy stage anywhere near as hard as some poster here. I think it depends on both the personality of the owner and the dog, so don't worry yourself sick about something that is far from guaranteed to happen. yes, you have to watch them all the time and they will chew, bite etc. but they make up that by being supercute and it is wonderful watching them grow and develop into adults. Read up and training and start on it early. It takes years to all fall into place 100%, but it will if you stick with it.

Enjoy your dog, OP! I think it is normal to be a bit apprehensive when getting a dog. I have been for each one of mine, and I've had dogs for decades. It is a big responsibility.

Fruitbatdancer · 02/02/2019 10:03

We are 4 weeks into golden retriever puppy-ship! I had all the same fears!
I love her- even though she does my head in! We’re wellnunder way with toilet training, but she’s now barking tonbe let out to poo at 4:30am. 😩😩😩 it’s like having a new born! But this stage will pass and she bring joy, cuddles and most importantly activity! Little walks will start this week and I know the excercise will do her (and us!) good!
Do it! Although I’d pick a retriever over a lab any day Wink

TwoleftUggs · 02/02/2019 10:03

We spent a long time deciding if it was the right thing to do too, and eventually decided yes, and chose a lab. Our dc were very young so they have now grown up not remembering a time without dog. He was hard work as a puppy and teen, and for much longer than I anticipated. Toilet training took forever, he just didn’t get it. I am home during the day but in the short times I’d be out at the shop or nursery he’d have chewed through plaster walls or wood, or wires, or the nappy bin, etc. I think it was about 18months before he came out the other side. And he’s been the best, most loving family pet ever since. No regrets, apart from every hour or so for the first year or so haha. He’s an old boy now, and I am starting to worry about the inevitable time without dog again Sad

Mmmmdanone · 02/02/2019 10:03

I was pretty anxious about getting a dog too, and I don't suffer from anxiety! But it's great and the kids love her so much. We don't even have the perfect setup like you- we both work and dog gets left a few hours a day and we aren't in a lovely rural setting for walks. However, she's added to our family and is such a sweetheart. It's worth the restrictions on lifestyle, and it sounds as if you're better suited than most for holidays etc. as we used to like going abroad but are doing a dog friendly caravan this year. All I can say is my anxiety about it vanished after a couple of weeks (although I'm not generally super anxious anyway). I'm so glad we did it for the kids too- my daughter is 14 and does loads of the care though, it wouldn't be so easy without her.

Confusedbeetle · 02/02/2019 10:06

Have you thought of boarding a friends dog for a holiday, or fostering a dog for a little while to see how you get on first?

KateGrey · 02/02/2019 10:15

It is a big jump. I was up with our youngest who has severe autism at 2am and was up all night again and had to leave her in bed whilst I let the dog out. It is tough. He’s quite needy too but he’s adorable. Toilet training results is mixed so far but he’s a good boy. It will change your life but hopeful in a really positive way. I suffer from depression so our dog once fully vaccinated will get me out the house as always I stay in the house aside from school runs.

StreetwiseHercules · 02/02/2019 10:30

If you get a puppy you will regret it every day for the first 6-9 months. Really hard work. After that though, it does get better. And the older they get the easier they get.

We have a really big dog and two small DCs. All 3 get a lot out of being together and are great friends.

Dragongirl10 · 02/02/2019 10:42

You sound very responsible , and well thought out, a lab sounds great.

The one thing that l think has not been mentioned is how much a dog will help with your anxiety, once the puppy stage is over!!

My dog got me over some horrendous times in my life and was my best friend through the baby/toddler years...!

Our current working cocker is gorgeous but not an easy first time dog, l think a lab sounds perfect for you.

A well trained lab can be so very calming and reassuring to have around, if you are feeling particularly anxious,
My DDog (Weimaraner, sadly long departed now) told me l was pregnant, each time before a test could, by gluing herself to my side and keeping her head by my stomach....ALL DAY ...!

Punta · 02/02/2019 11:01

I have a Maltese shih tsu cross and he is 1 tomorrow. He was fairly easy to train despite some toilet accidents at first. Didn’t like pee pads - just kept ripping them up, he quickly learned to go in he garden.

After months of good recall, he has just hit his adolescence so I am having to keep in on the lead again for a while.

The biggest adjustment has been holidays: we have a holiday home in Spain and we now also have a camper van so we can drive down with him. Brexit is causing chaos! No one knows what to advise or what is going to happen.

PuppyMonkey · 02/02/2019 11:07

I never suffered from anxiety in my life until I got a dog.GrinConfusedSad

Seriously, it has been a major challenge for me, much more difficult than babies and kids. He’s 8 months now (golden retriever). Nobody tells you about labs/retrievers being completely bloody mad as puppys/teens. Or if they do, they don’t tell you properly. OP, think long and hard is all I can say.

missbattenburg · 02/02/2019 11:08

ime both the apprehension and the blues after the puppy arrives are both normal.

It is worth being prepared for the blues, because you face weeks/months of not really feeling like you love the og and yet have all the responsibility of a baby. Potentially.

This does pass and it helped me to think of the puppy weeks as an investment. Putting the effort into making a good friend for the future - rather than pressure to feel like we were good friends right from the off.

I felt a huge sense of repsonsibility for battendog, was protective of him and did everything I could and knew how to bring him up right. But I did not love him especially. Not for a few weeks or months.

Now it would tear my heart out if anything happened to him. He is not a tie, he is a creature I genuinly enjoy spending time with. But that was not there right from the start.

Take videos - lots of them. They are only little for a very short amount of time and once they are grown up and you love them like anything, you will want to look back at the puppy weeks.

Original poster
Pullyers · 02/02/2019 13:33

Thank you so much for the advice, experiences, heartening stories and reassurance. I'm so grateful and overwhelmed by all the amazing repsonses. I could resonate with lots of posters and wonder whether I'm just putting too much pressure / over thinking things into being negative when i should focus on all the joy i know in my heart a dog will bring. Thank you again everyone!

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 02/02/2019 14:20

I wouldn’t put money on a lab being all that biddable or having low prey drive - one of mine has injured herself several times bolting into the forest after wildlife.

TemptressofWaikiki · 02/02/2019 14:32

There are plenty of greyhounds that are fine with cats. Most Greyhounds are ideal first time dogs.

MasonJar · 02/02/2019 14:40

We have already decided on a lab - biddable and good for a first time owner.
Lab puppies can be a huge challenge for a first time dog owner.
They're easy when fully grown, ie at least 3 years old and well trained.
But the puppy stage can last for years, mine was a bitey chewy bouncy puppy for a long time,
Not so difficult to cope with in a smaller dog but it can be a struggle to unclamp a labs jaws from your leg when it's decided it's time to play. I sometimes had to drag myself across the room with dog still attached to try to get a toy or treat to distract him.
He's 8 now and I wouldn't be without him but I'd never get another lab puppy.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 02/02/2019 14:47

When I was a kid I saw Oliver. I fell in love with Bullseye. We ony ever had a mutt, and he was gorgeous.

Now at 53, self employed and married to a man who claims he is ambivalent about pets I have my very own Bullseye.

Loads of research means I know he is always going to be a stubborn bugge, but I did everything I could to ensure he is well bred. He has a lovely temperement, loves cuddles, strangers and other dogs! But he has his foibles - he HATES walking on a lead and 'forgets' all his training as and when he so desires.

You need about 10 times the patience youy think you will!

To be terrified of getting a dog?!
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 02/02/2019 17:48

Dc don't be able to manage a lab out alone. My teens manage the Lurchers!!

Gth1234 · 02/02/2019 18:12

Having a dog' ties you to the home much more, but you know that.

Autumnbloom · 02/02/2019 18:27

A dog does tie you down a fair bit and you will be a lot less spontaneous. You sound very sensible though. If you do go for it, you will love it and will deal with all of the 'cons' to dog ownership. I think everything they give outweighs the cons, but it is a massive commitment and if your not sure sleep on it a bit longer, there's no rush, everything you do throughout the week and on a weekend think 'where would the dog fit in here', 'what would we do with the dog if this attraction doesn't allow them'. If you still want one after that ...you have your answer.

XmasPostmanBos · 02/02/2019 18:38

I think the loss of spontaneity and being forced to go out walking when you don't really feel like it are the major cons of dogs, followed by the diffculties with training and the damage and mess they can cause.
Pros they are adorable, hilarious and make going for a walk at 6am in the snow into a fun experience. I quite enjoy the challenges of looking after the dog like training and I have met some good friends out walking.

As for breed I am saying rescue a dog with a good temperament rather than focusing only on breed.

Islands81 · 02/02/2019 19:32

Ddog died (my first and only dog) age 14.5 last year.

Yes he was a massive tie, and life had to revolve around him. But he melted my heart every time I looked at him, he came everywhere with me and we had so many adventures, he knew when I was sad and was always there for me. We would stare into each other’s eyes and it was pure, unconditional love.

I loved him fiercely from the moment I got him as a puppy until I cried into his fur as he was PTS. And he loved me back.

They ultimately break your heart, but they are absolutely worth it. Definitely true that it’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. The constraints on my life were massively outweighed by the joy of having him there.

villainousbroodmare · 02/02/2019 19:35

If you get a lab, get a bitch. Less likely to be the bulldozer type so annoying .