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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out when DS isn't well?

33 replies

anouka · 01/02/2019 17:15

Had the plan to go out tomorrow night for a colleagues birthday, it's a big event, it's been planned for weeks.

DS has been ill this week, not sleeping great and even had a brief trip to the hospital. He's not 100% but overall he's back to himself and he's happy.

AIBU to continue through with plans? I'm not sure if that makes me ridiculously irresponsible (and completely selfish), but I've been so excited for it and he'd be at home with his dad. Or should I just realise that other nights will come and stay home? I never go out so it's not a common thing for me.

OP posts:
nokidshere · 01/02/2019 17:16

Go out of course.

Amanduh · 01/02/2019 17:17

He’s recovering and even if he wasn’t, he’s with his dad! Of course you should Wine

ittakes2 · 01/02/2019 17:17

How old is he? No reason why his dad can not take responsibility for him?

TheVanguardSix · 01/02/2019 17:17

He’s got dad. Go have fun!

Original poster
anouka · 01/02/2019 17:18

@ittakes2 2. I have a feeling his dad has assumed I'm not going out due to his illness and is going to make me feel bad about it!

OP posts:
geekone · 01/02/2019 17:22

Why OP has his dad been off work by your side all week so is assuming DS needs both parents? Or is he a selfish lazy arse who doesn’t want to deal with a potentially sick child?
My DH loves the not quite up for playing cozy nights in with DS. He has two parents don’t let anyone make you feel guilty.

TheBigBangRocks · 01/02/2019 17:23

Would you be happy if he'd gone out? If so, then go.

Men usually get slated for not giving up their social life for children when sick on MN so will be interesting if the same applies in reverse,

Oysterbabe · 01/02/2019 17:23

Of course you go, I don't understand why you wouldn't.

Original poster
anouka · 01/02/2019 17:24

@Oysterbabe think I'm just waiting for his reaction to tell me that I should be on hand in case anything goes wrong again and to be called selfish/irresponsible - honestly when I opened this thread I expected to be slated for even asking and have beat myself up all day feeling selfish for still wanting to go out!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
anouka · 01/02/2019 17:25

Thank you everyone - I'll stop beating myself up about it a bit now!

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 01/02/2019 17:28

Kids are ill all the bloody time, especially this time of year. You just have to with on with stuff or you'd never go anywhere.

Original poster
anouka · 01/02/2019 17:28

@Oysterbabe it's more that we'd had a trip to hospital so it wasn't just a regular cold. He's just got a virus.

OP posts:
trulybadlydeeply · 01/02/2019 17:30

Go out and have fun. If it's been you stuck at home looking after DS all week, I'm sure you'll benefit from escaping for a few hours and letting your hair down.

You're leaving him with his other parent. I would be concerned however if his Dad starts making you feel bad about going out.

Original poster
anouka · 01/02/2019 18:40

Told DM that I'm still planning to go out as she's been round this week and she told me I was irresponsible! Sad

OP posts:
Allfednonedead · 01/02/2019 18:46

Go! Is your DH incompetent or does he not love DS as much as you do? If not, feel free to leave them with gay abandon.

PaquitaVariation · 01/02/2019 18:51

Even if he was still ill I would still be going because I trust my dh is a competent parent.

trulybadlydeeply · 01/02/2019 19:24

Are there any medical/safeguarding issues with your DH/P, or any other reasons why he is not a responsible parent? If so, far enough, think twice before going out. If not, you are leaving your DS with a competent, functioning parent - go out and enjoy yourself. Would your DM think twice if your DP was going out with colleagues after work??

I hope you are already out and having a fab time OP.

Original poster
anouka · 01/02/2019 19:26

@trulybadlydeeply no, he's completely competent, she tried to imply that he wouldn't know what to do as well as I would if DS happened to take a bad turn and that the mother should be home with the child when they're ill.

And it's tomorrow night, but thank you!

OP posts:
TopBitchoftheWitches · 01/02/2019 19:28

His dad is a parent too. He is capable. Go out and have fun.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 01/02/2019 19:30

So, he is saying that you should always be there for your child?

Darnsquirrels · 01/02/2019 19:32

@anouka my ds was sick last year over NYE.

I'd planned to go out (very very rarely do.)

Left him with dh and off I fucked.

EuphoricElephant · 01/02/2019 19:35

I went on an evening out with DH when DD was ill (similar kind of thing - bad virus that had required a hospital trip) and left him with grandparents for the evening. Grandparents that he loves and who are extremely capable. So no, you're not even close to being irresponsible or selfish. After a week of illness and stress we were better off for it.

EuphoricElephant · 01/02/2019 19:36

Oops - DS! Not so ill he'd spontaneously changed sex!

BlondeBumshelll · 01/02/2019 19:37

Go out, check your phone every so often and if anything happens you can leave.

Original poster
anouka · 01/02/2019 19:40

Thanks everyone - going to try and listen to the responses on here but been thrown by DM actually saying I was 'mental' for considering going out and leaving him.

OP posts:
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