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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Maintence and 18 yr old

43 replies

Girlintheframe · 01/02/2019 06:21

Ok I think I maybe am BU I know but don’t know how to resolve this.
18 year old son finished college and turned 18 in July last year.
Assumed maintenance would stop once he had his birthday and CB stopped, it did not. Neither of us have contact with his dad and haven’t done for years.
Have phoned CMO twice now that he is 18 and in work. Last time I spoke to them in September they said my case had moved to another department who were in the process of closing it in the next 4 weeks.
We are now in Feb and I’m still getting payments! I don’t know how to get them to stop!
Son is working, zero hours contract and last month earned the whopping sum of £250.
Am obviously pushing him to get a different job. He is obviously struggling financially (trying to run a car), can’t afford to pay digs bar a token amount and is generally struggling each month.
My responsibilities didn't end when he suddenly turned 18 and I still have to feed him and keep a roof over his head.
Would IBU to use some maintenance for his living costs?

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 01/02/2019 06:25

I would worry it could be claimed back. I would check that out first

donajimena · 01/02/2019 06:25

I dont know. In principle no but I would worry it would be recalled. Is there anyway you can speak to your ex? Or could it be arrears?

JenniferJareau · 01/02/2019 06:26

Will they claim it back from you though?

Original poster

Girlintheframe · 01/02/2019 06:30

I don’t know if it’s arrears. It’s so hard to get a straight answer you can trust from CMO!
No no contact whatsoever with ex

OP posts:

QueenofmyPrinces · 01/02/2019 06:31

My responsibilities didn't end when he suddenly turned 18 and I still have to feed him and keep a roof over his head.
Would IBU to use some maintenance for his living costs?

Completely agree.

If housing, feeding and providing for your joint son is still costing you money then it should be costing his father money too.

CupoBlood · 01/02/2019 06:33

Were there any arrears?

Original poster

Girlintheframe · 01/02/2019 06:35

I don’t no for sure but if there were arrears they would have been minimal.

OP posts:

sue51 · 01/02/2019 06:36

Do you have records from your annual review? Would that show you what payments are due this year?

user1493413286 · 01/02/2019 06:42

I wouldn’t use it in case they ask for it back. I know it’s painful but just wait to get a straight answer from them even if it takes ages. It’d be worse to have to find that money to pay back

anniehm · 01/02/2019 06:56

Can your son not contact his father? Past school age (September following 18 birthday for most) maintenance can continue but goes straight to the young person - either to pay for university or in this case help with costs but it's not guaranteed if they aren't at university, usually a private arrangement

Original poster

Girlintheframe · 01/02/2019 07:14

No there is no contact at all, hasn’t been for the last 3 years.
Looks like the general consensus is save it in case it needs to be returned.
Just hard to see it sitting in my account but bring unable to use it.

OP posts:

swingofthings · 01/02/2019 07:21

He and you by proxi are not entitled to this money, end off. This man has paid whrn he had to despite no contact with his son (reasons irrelevant).

Your son can apply for benefits if he doesn't get enough hours before finding a job with more.

This money needs to be all put aside as likely it will be reclaimed and rightly so.

NeverTwerkNaked · 01/02/2019 07:25

Keep the money to one side, it’s likely to be claimed back.

Then write to child maintenance to let them know your sons age and keep a copy of the letter and send it recorded delivery. Ask them to confirm to you In writing that they have let the paying parent know.

Hold the money safe for as long as can. It’s possible the paying parent has decided to continue to pay, but it’s far more likely it’s a mess up and it will get recovered at some point.

leaveby10 · 01/02/2019 07:30

The notion that an 18 year old is an independent adult is laughable, don't know about the money side of things but I do think it's time we shifted our thinking on the age of independence.

Neverunderfed · 01/02/2019 07:31

This man has paid whrn he had to despite no contact with his son (reasons irrelevant). You make it sound as if he is doing her a favour and deserves a medal 😂

nrpmum · 01/02/2019 07:34

From the government website:

Child maintenance payments usually stop when the child reaches16(or20if they're in full-time education up to A-level or equivalent). Child maintenance can also stop if, for example: the child stops being eligible for Child Benefit. the parent being paid stops being the child's main carer.

sandgrown · 01/02/2019 07:37

Child maintenance can be paid to age 20 if a child remains in non advanced education but if they are working it must stop. Private agreements are obviously more flexible though . I would hang on to the money just in case you are asked to repay it .

megletthesecond · 01/02/2019 07:38

I didn't know it was 20. I assumed it would be 18.

Original poster

Girlintheframe · 01/02/2019 07:43

Totally agree that turning 18 doesn’t suddenly makes you an adult!
My son is trying and I’ve helped with CV and job searches. It’s just so frustrating that the NRP can just stop supporting their child once they turn 18 regardless of circumstances.
CMO are the most difficult people to deal with too! I’m just going round the houses talking to them. I don’t think anyone there has a clue what they are doing/talking about!

OP posts:

Boredboredboredboredbored · 01/02/2019 07:47

I'm totally with you on this and it scares me. I have a 14 & 15 yo. Exh HATES giving me maintenance so it'll stop as soon as they reach 18 yet I'll still be expected to house, clothe and feed them.

nrpmum · 01/02/2019 07:48

@sandgrown is that working instead of education or working as well as education? I only ask because my understanding was it was still paid if they say have a part time job but attend college 'full time'

swingofthings · 01/02/2019 07:52

but I do think it's time we shifted our thinking on the age of independence
Why? There's has to be a limit. An 18yo can look for FT work to support themselves just as a 20yo can.

Ideally, they would have started to look for pt work at 16 to help them to look for FT roles at 18, even if only a few hours, or volunteering if there really really is no work.

I think teenagers are way too protected whrn it comes to reaching independence. 18yo are adults and will act as such if treated like adults rather than vulnerable grown up kids.

Original poster

Girlintheframe · 01/02/2019 07:57

My DS did have PT work at 16. This has not helped with FT work.
The difference between 18 and 20 (have a 21 too) is maturity and confidence. Yes there should be a cut off but 18 imo is far too young and completely depends on the individual child.

OP posts:

marymarkle · 01/02/2019 08:04

To the person talking about benefits, an 18 year old if unemployed and living in the parental home, is only entitled to £73.10 a week. Earning £250 a month would mean minimal entitlement.

In terms of age of independence, many 18 year olds are financially independent from this time. Not everyone has loving family who continues to support them, although that is the ideal.

Agree with putting money aside though OP. Too risky otherwise.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 01/02/2019 08:04

And yet in the eyes of the government if they go to uni at 18 they are still to be supported by parents. Oh the irony.

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