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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure I’ll ever be able to kiss DP again...

46 replies

MumMumMum1 · 31/01/2019 22:21

Because he smells like damp ashtrays. I’m pregnant with our second & know my senses are intense but the stale smoke smell is making me heave from across the room. AIBU to think his selfish for continuing to smoke? Or to not even attempting to quit? Yes when I met him he was a smoker but we were younger with no children. We’ll have 2 young kids soon & his cutting his time shorter with them & turning me off more & more by the day! He does smoke outside but the smell lingers on him FOREVER he never doesn’t smell of smoke!!

OP posts:
Seline · 31/01/2019 22:23

Clothes contain third hand smoke that poses a risk to your kids. Yes I think he's incredibly selfish.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 31/01/2019 22:25

Yes I’d struggle to kiss a stinky smokers mouth too tbh. I don’t blame you.

Singlenotsingle · 31/01/2019 22:26

Give the room a squirt of air freshener

Surfingtheweb · 31/01/2019 22:27

Tell him to google IQOS. It's so much better than smoking, no smell, no smoke, no ash, works better than vaping & really gets you off the cigarettes.

DocusDiplo · 31/01/2019 22:27

Disgusting

MargotLovedTom1 · 31/01/2019 22:31

I feel the same about my husband; I think I'm peri menopausal and my sense of smell seems to be working overtime now. I can't stand it Sad.

Baconmaker · 31/01/2019 22:45

Like PP smoking outside doesn't protect DC from the effects of passive inhalation. What does he say about quitting?

Nanny0gg · 31/01/2019 22:53

Well if he does turn your stomach and you don't go near him won't that be an incentive?

Ghanagirl · 31/01/2019 22:58

YANBU!
Smokers stink plus also health risk to you and DC’s

Stardustinmyeyes · 31/01/2019 23:01

Op unless he's a stupid man he will know all the effects of smoking to himself and I'll bet you've made it clear what the effects are to your children. He should know that too.
If I were in your shoes I'd just tell him, it's a massive turn off, that he smells and you find him unpleasant to be around.
As a smoker you are never aware of how much you stink, I know because I was a heavy smoker. I changed to vaping and it was only then that I realised how bad the smell is.
Just keep repeating you smell, it's disgusting and yes he is being very selfish. You are definitely not being unreasonable

dadshere · 31/01/2019 23:18

Tell him he is a filthy pig and he can fuck right off if he thinks he is getting any till he quits.

SandyY2K · 31/01/2019 23:25

Tell him how you feel and it might motivate him to quit.

Iflyaway · 31/01/2019 23:33

Here we go again.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP.

As for the replies, bet you all drive cars. Will leave it at that.

Seline · 31/01/2019 23:34

bet you all drive cars

I don't stand by the exhaust and then hug my kids wearing those clothes though.

julensaor · 31/01/2019 23:48

He's a smoker, you knew that. He has taken it outside. Some people can't give it up.

@Baconmaker Like PP smoking outside doesn't protect DC from the effects of passive inhalation.

Stop spraying perfume on yourself, lots of nasty chemicals in that too, in fact don't put on deodorant in same room as baby; whoever suggested sprayed air freshener, way more damaging as a directly inhaled chemical overload. Do NOT push pram alongside roadway for a walk, exhaust fumes will damage irrevocably. Wear hazmat suit whilst shopping just in case some chemical from the detergent or better yet deli aisle has settled on your clothes.

Seline · 31/01/2019 23:50

Lmao at smokers trying to claim a bit of airfreshner is the same as passive smoking which has been proven in numerous peer reviewed studies to pose a serious risk to children.

M3lon · 01/02/2019 00:07

surely adding in air freshener to the mix is the last thing that would be helpful for newborn lungs?

I had a smoker in my office today for a research meeting. It was a powerful smell and I could still detect it when I got back to the office after my lunch break.

julensaor I drive an electric car, we don't live near any major roads, as a family we don't use perfume, deodorant or air freshener. Does that mean I'm allowed to say smokers are stinky and toxic?

Klopptimist · 01/02/2019 00:47

If it helps, I quit eight months ago using the Innokin T20E vape pen, which you costs around £18-£25. You need 50/50 liquid with this particular pen and I initially started with liquid containing 18 mg of nicotine. Are you in a position to buy these things and present them to him? Just an idea but please do feel free to pm if you want to know more.

Klopptimist · 01/02/2019 00:50

Sorry, I've just realised that my post sounds like I'm a vaping salesperson. I'm not, I'm just one of those annoying "If I can do it, you can do it too" quitters.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/02/2019 01:15

Smelling like stale smoke is fucking disgusting and I hope you tell him that. The second hand smoke around your children is totally unacceptable.

StoppinBy · 01/02/2019 01:46

When my youngest was in hospital at around 4 months we were beside a little boy who was having breathing difficulties, the nurses came in and asked the Mum not to hold him as they had been watching the monitors and every time she was close to him his breathing got worse and his oxygen sats dropped, she was a smoker.

Whether people like it or not smoking is bad for your kids whether you smoke around them or just go near them after smoking.

cordeliavorkosigan · 01/02/2019 01:50

to anyone suggesting cars are the same: yes, driving is not optimal. neither is eating meat, using plastics, buying synthetic fabrics, buying natural fabrics if animals are mistreated or if huge amounts of carbon resources are used to farm and ship them ... flying for work ... we should all try to do these things less.

but many of these things, cars in particular, serve a functional purpose- people need to get to work, and to be clothed.

smoking just puts you and your dc at risk and makes you stink hellishly literally for nothing that benefits you, and costs you in health outcomes too. not to mention it costs your family actual money. unlike, say, getting to work, which is essential to earn the money ...

ToeToToe · 01/02/2019 01:56

I'm an ex-smoker. I can smell a smoker from 100 paces.

yanbu.

paintinmyhairAgain · 01/02/2019 06:51

yanbu but to be honest i wouldn't want to sleep with a smoker in the first place as the smell lingers so much, and i'man ex smoker, the smell makes me heave. iflyaway wtf has that got to do with smoking ? we all know about exhaust pollutants but you don't have that on your clothes or in your home

paintinmyhairAgain · 01/02/2019 06:51

*i'm an ex smoker