Not sure I’ll ever be able to kiss DP again...

[MumMumMum1]

Because he smells like damp ashtrays. I’m pregnant with our second & know my senses are intense but the stale smoke smell is making me heave from across the room. AIBU to think his selfish for continuing to smoke? Or to not even attempting to quit? Yes when I met him he was a smoker but we were younger with no children. We’ll have 2 young kids soon & his cutting his time shorter with them & turning me off more & more by the day! He does smoke outside but the smell lingers on him FOREVER he never doesn’t smell of smoke!!

Does he realise he's increasing the risk of SIDS?

YANBU.

I'm an ex-smoker. Not remotely fussed if others want to smoke, but they need to understand that I don't want the smell in my home - because they absolutely reek.

It's his choice to smoke. But he needs to accept that a consequence of that decision is that you don't want to kiss him (or presumably be intimate with him) until he's cleaned his teeth and had a shower.

Of course smokers are experts in denial, or they wouldn’t do it. They really seem to be able to convince themselves that ‘I’m only hurting myself, and it’s my life’.

Bollocks to that.

I recently told an employee he needed to stay outside an extra 2 mins after the fag finished to just exhale the smoke. He (and others) think nothing of taking that last big drag, walking back inside to a group and exhaling there. We’d have been better joining him outside, at least there’s fresh air mixed in with the smoke.

Anyone tried that at my home near pregnant women and kids, they’d be praying for cancer to carry them off.

Some people can't give it up.

No, they simply won't. It might be harder for some but it is not impossible for anyone if they really want to. A parent should want to for their children.

Be honest with him, hopefully he will decide to quit or invest in a vape.
Otherwise tell him he needs smoking clothes and he needs to change and wash, he will easily tire of this and hopefully try to vape.

I think YABU.

Presumably you knew he was a smoker before you chose to have children with him? You accepted the risks associated with smoking around your children.

I bet you all drive cars

Indeed, but “driving” isn’t seen as socially unacceptable, even though popping your child constantly into the car for trip here and there pollutes child’s lungs just the same as passive smoking. Child are more polluted inside a car than outside.

Some people can't give it up

OMG - I’m very sorry to hear that, I feel terrible now, I never realised that some people would die if they didn’t smoke.

Presumably you knew he was a smoker before you chose to have children with him? You accepted the risks associated with smoking around your children

...and?

This will magically stop her feeling sick with the smell now?

She’s not allowed to reassess her position regarding her children’s health?

She’s not allowed to assume her DH would realise the huge risk and stop?

As for the replies, bet you all drive cars. Will leave it at that

iflyaway

WHY do smokers trot that out as some kind of get out of jail free card? Even if everyone stopped driving, smoking wouldn’t be any less harmful. It’s a pathetic attempt at deflection.

Presumably you knew he was a smoker before you chose to have children with him? You accepted the risks associated with smoking around your children

I knew my husband loved mint sauce before we had kids; I still threw every jar of it away and banned it from the house when just the smell of it started making me vomit when pregnant. Husband was happy to give it up, because he didn't want to put his wants above the health of me and the baby.

Wow - I've never heard of a mint sauce addict before...

Ask him to wash his hands and face after a cigarette? My DH cut back when I asked if he'd mind washing his beard before bed as the smell started triggering migraine at night. He didn't mind at all, because he's fab. He's on vapes now, down to zero nicotine and working on giving the thing up entirely.

I'm also an ex-smoker, and would enjoy the odd cigarette now and again if I could but the stale ashtray smell makes me nauseated.

I bloody love mint sauce.

@kloptamist

What is the 50/50 vaper ? Is that where you put in a liquid but also have to add the nicotine ? I have so far been buying vampire vape or Ohm brew that already has the nicotine . I like vaping , far more than I ever liked smoking in all honesty .
My vape is a Aspire Pockex . £24,99 .
OP , tell your DP to give one a try. I went from smoking 15 a day to 3 (at first I still felt I needed a cig but that did not last long, at all). They do tobacco flavours too tell him

I’m not sure what driving a car has to do with the OP not wanting to kiss her DH? I wouldn’t lick a car exhaust for the same reason I wouldn’t kiss a smoker... the smell/taste is vile.
I couldn’t kiss DH after he’d eaten garlic or onion when I was pregnant!

Oyster are you suggesting OP chucks a jar of mint sauce over her dh?
And I take the point about air freshener, but a quick squirt in the direction of a smoker speaks a thousand words. I don't use the stuff normally but keep a can in for emergencies.

yabu - he smoked when you met him and smoked throughout your first pregnancy & child so possibly your senses being heightened is a major factor.

Have you spoken to him about giving up? Does he want to give up? No matter what method he try's if he doesn't actually want to give up then it won't work anyway

*Here we go again.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP.

As for the replies, bet you all drive cars. Will leave it at that*

Op hasn’t got her car parked in her living room.

I don’t think op is planning to shag her car.

Nor is op putting her baby next to the exhaust.

Don’t get the analogy.

Houses don’t really smell of exhaust fumes. Or at least mine doesn’t. But if a smoker comes in the smell is powerful.

Surfingtheweb
Tell him to google IQOS. It's so much better than smoking, no smell, no smoke, no ash, works better than vaping & really gets you off the cigarettes.

As a nicotine addict (ex-smoker but will never give up taking nicotine by other means :( ) I got all excited by your post and googled IQOS. First thing I found was this:
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Philip Morris International Inc should not be allowed to claim its iQOS electronic tobacco product is less risky than cigarettes, U.S. health advisers said on Thursday, dealing a blow to the company as it seeks to strengthen its portfolio of alternative nicotine devices.

So...it's back to the nicotine lozenges for me :(

He did smoke when I met him & I know it is an addiction which is why I don’t want to go down the route of telling him he has to quit. I tell him he stinks all the time, I tell him I won’t kiss him because he stinks! His a heavy smoker id say 20 a day, the worst is the first thing in the morning one that smell lingers forever but I know he needs to want to stop himself I just find it so frustrating he hasn’t taken it upon himself to try by now! Totally disagree regarding car fumes etc, a car hasn’t made me gag once during pregnancy..!! I’m not judging him, I just wish he’d see the effect it’s having on all of us because he has a habit.