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To think this was a bit flirty ....

31 replies

readingtoomuchintothings · 31/01/2019 20:17

Get an email from a senior person in another team, working in another city, who've I've met the other day asking how was it going?
Completely out of the blue .... assumed it was work (we work in the same sector) related and came back with 'nightmare such and such has just happened' he then replied 'solution to the problem' and any plans to come to my city soon ? I said no (wondered where this is going) and asked him if he was planning to come to mine, wondered if it was a leading question? He said actually yes, planning a visit soon. I said business or social. He came back with a bit of both, will come to see a client then is hopeful for a night out.
Then started a bit of backward and forward about when I'd be free etc and if I was about. I kept trying to deflect, oh not drinking at the min etc. He said oh I'll delay it until your free...... etc etc hope I can twist your arm for a night out. All seemed a bit weird, but flirty .... I tried to joke about the boys in the office needing a 'pass' he asked me if I needed one? I stopped replying.
Cue another working day and had to ask him a genuine question and it's turned lots of backwards and forwards dialogue - work related but chatty. It should have been a quick, yes I'll look into that or here is the solution.
Yesterday I got an invite to a networking event, keen to go as it's a good client. Asked my director if he wants to go with me, his response was ask 'the chap that's been emailing you' it's a shared client for you.
Don't know why I feel weird about it, it would be a 'night out' just me and him ...... regular poster name changed. Both married for the record. Am I just reading too much into this or would you find this a bit odd ?!

OP posts:
Bezalelle · 31/01/2019 20:18

Definitely odd. I'd be wary.

GinaCarbonara · 31/01/2019 20:19

I was about to say go for it until I got to the part where you're both married!

Back off, it's inappropriate and heading down a path that will bring you nothing good.

BudgiePie · 31/01/2019 20:19

I was thinking what's the problem up til you said you're both married. I would just say to him upfront you're happily married as I assume you are too,looking forward to a mates night out though.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 31/01/2019 20:21

A bit ? It’s very very flirty Smile

You need to Nip in the bud

Assuming you want to ?

chordFire · 31/01/2019 20:27

I think a lot of this depends on the sector and also how he's been face to face.

Email loses tone so he might be making very matey comments that are coming off weird in an email. You asking if his visit is business or social could have come across as flirty on his end of the conversation.

I'd go ahead with the networking event but make it clear when you see him that it is business. Also, cut out all the back and forth on anything other than work. MN folk call it grey rock. just don't respond to any questions etc that are not work related.

CrazyOldBagLady · 31/01/2019 20:30

He definitely wants to shag you.

SuziQ10 · 31/01/2019 20:41

Uh oh. He's definitely looking for more..

Maybe try not to engage in these chatty emails and keep it purely professional.

readingtoomuchintothings · 31/01/2019 21:11

Ok - so I'm not losing my mind! This is the first time we've had email dialogue like this... he'll generally just call me with a work related question so not sure.
I last saw him in July, I wasn't at the Christmas party this year. It seemed a bit out of the blue. I told DH, he just laughed and said 'can't blame him for trying - I would' oh thanks .....

OP posts:
Eminado · 31/01/2019 23:58

You seem to be enjoying it - are you?

Lucylugs · 01/02/2019 00:05

When he asked if you needed a pass I would've replied obviously I'll mention it to my husband.

KC225 · 01/02/2019 06:36

I agree with the above poster, I was about to say - why not, plenty of people meet at work. Bit disappointed to see the last line that you were both married. Be wary - asking if you needed a pass could have be been his way of asking if you were up for it. Awkward.

paintinmyhairAgain · 01/02/2019 06:40

i think someone is a little flattered by the attention isn't she ?

Miane · 01/02/2019 06:47

Why on earth did you engage in this “flirty banter” if you are married or know that he is?

Why didn’t you shut it down immediately?

pinkdelight · 01/02/2019 06:49

How did your director know he'd been mailing you?

RelaxDontDoooIt · 01/02/2019 06:58

Oh who cares if the OP is flattered or enjoyed it. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t make alarm bells ring or cause her to feel uncomfortable.

OP you can go to the event and avoid a night out. You just need to be firm. Or go alone! And next time he starts the banter I would shoe horn in something about my husband every. Single. Time!

Dvg · 01/02/2019 07:13

I had this at my previous job, I indeed was flattered but no way interested XD it was a very uncomfortable position to be in and I was already with the love of my life so every time he asked me out for a drink I would reply that my partner wouldn't like it as would I so I would have to decline and a quick but thank you at the end.

He got the picture after a few trys.

readingtoomuchintothings · 01/02/2019 07:18

Yeah I'll be honest I was flattered by the slightly weird dialogue. But told DH straight away. Isn't everyone flattered if they receive a compliment or a bit of a flirt from someone. He knows I have a husband, he's in a betting syndicate with him. (Via my boss, mutual friends) The minute he asked me if I was about for a night out, was a meant to say ..... I'll need to ask my husband?
He emailed me again today, work related - I replied work related. Couldn't really interject my DH into that convo. Just have no idea where it's come from ......

OP posts:
readingtoomuchintothings · 01/02/2019 07:35

And my director doesn't know .... I was paraphrasing

OP posts:
OnlineAlienator · 01/02/2019 07:41

A bit weird, but no harm in going at this stage for sake of career, but very firmly keeping things work related and perhaps having the chance to firmly put down any truly romantic notions from the colleague

MrsJane · 01/02/2019 07:43

Does he know you're married? If not, you need to work it into the conversation.

And say yes to the night out, but only if it's beneficial to your career, but be wary. Bat away flirting by mentioning your husband every time.

readingtoomuchintothings · 01/02/2019 07:45

Yes he knows of my DH .....

OP posts:
RelaxDontDoooIt · 01/02/2019 09:17

He emails work related things then fine, don’t mention the husband. If he makes it personal then mention husband. I’d make it obvious I was deliberately doing it too.
“Do you want to have a night out?”
“I will check with my husband as he would like to come too...he loves a night out!”
“Would you like some secret sex?”
“I will ask my husband how he feels about it”

You get the idea...

MegaBat · 01/02/2019 09:59

Good god woman you are making this into some huge thing when it doesn't need to be

Chat or don't chat. There's actually nothing wrong with friendly chat and so what if he's trying to lead this into something? Make it clear you're not up for it and it's only then an issue if he starts harassing you - which I'm sure he won't

readingtoomuchintothings · 01/02/2019 10:15

I'm not trying to make it into something..... I just though, it was more than friendly banter that's all !!

OP posts:
Surfingtheweb · 01/02/2019 10:49

You said that he previously used to just call with work queries, could you go back to doing that? So don't e mail him anymore, just call & start with "just a quick one as I'm snowed under" ask the question / share the info & then end the call, then follow up with an e mail if it's anything important to confirm what was said. I say follow up with e mail as this does 2 things, firstly puts the relationship firmly back in business mode, secondly some men don't like being rejected so can be dicks, this will protect you in the future.
So annoying when things like this happen!! Why do people think they have the right to do this at work?

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