Washing up

[NamusChanguss]

I can't believe I'm having to post this but me and DH have just had a screaming argument about washing up

Every time he does it I have to rewash all the cutlery without fail and normally most of the rest, atleast 80% if not the whole lot. We always end up bickering about it but nothing more. I'm heavily pregnant so this probably added to my irritation but I'm in the kitchen cooking dinner and need some of the pans washed so I ask him to do the washing, he starts doing it. He fills the sink and then plonks the saucepan I just used to make curry sauce straight into it, it had remnants of sauce that he didn't bother to tip out first so the water instantly turns dark red, he then proceeds to start washing everything else in this water that's now full of curry sauce. Plates are coming out with bits of herbs from the curry sauce on. I point it out, he says it's a tiny speck and doesn't matter. I say you can't seriously think you're cleaning things putting them in dark red filthy water. He says "it's fine because there's detergent in it"

He then picks up a handful of cutlery, literally about 4 knives, 4 forks, 4 spoons and shoves them all in the dirty water and just rubs a sponge over the whole bunch in one go for a couple of seconds then whacks them in the drier.

At this point I just say to stop and I'll do it, because I'm only going to redo them all now I've seen how he's washing them anyway. He says I'm overreacting and to just let him get on with it. I ask again to stop and he snaps at me saying to stop being so irrational.

He finishes and goes into the living room, so I start rewashing as yet again everything is filthy, not one thing is cleaned properly. He comes in and says to stop or we're going to fall out, so I tell him just to leave me and next thing I know we're having a blazing row.

AIBU? I know we're both being unreasonable to let it become a big fight, but seriously?!?! He does this every time he washes up. He can't seriously think it's ok to put these filthy things back in the cupboard. Are all men like this?!?!

Get a dishwasher.

Tell him

Glasses first
Then cups
Then cutlery
Wash pans last

Dirty fucker

I sympathise. I have similar issues with my boyfriend. I’ve ended up telling him not to bother and then like yours, he gets all offended. He just has a different level of clean I guess, but you are definitely not bu. And he needs to grow up.

Was he not in the Girl Guides Does he does remember that helpful cartoon of the dirty dishes walking in the correct order to the sink? Glasses, cups, cutlery, crockery, pans, roasting trays. It has stood me in very good stead all these years.

I feel your pain. My daughters have similar beliefs and practices when it comes to washing dishes. I'm trying to break them of it before they're passed on to some poor unsuspecting partner. I fear it's going to break me instead.

How can people not SEE that things are still dirty? Why waste effort doing such a piss poor, half arsed job?! It costs NOTHING to do a decent job - except a bit of pride and care!

Mine used to do this with oil in pans, would tip the oil into the bowl then wash everything in oily water. When he washed up I would try to make sure pans were underneath everything else so he'd have to wash the other stuff first to get to the pans or if this didn't happen I'd just walk over and take the pan out of his hand and tell him (again) 'pans last!'. We had little tiffs about it but I don't think we ever had a serious argument, usually just me going something like 'why can't you just use your common sense to know not to tip oil in the washing up bowl?' with him replying 'because I have none.' then we'd laugh and he'd do it right.

Annoyingly he had just got the hang of it without prompt when my dad bought us a dishwasher..

Oh, and you are not being unreasonable. But as you can see from my previous post, it's not gender specific!

Let him wash his own plates and cutlery and serve his meals on them.

He'll soon see how gross it is.

He then picks up a handful of cutlery, literally about 4 knives, 4 forks, 4 spoons and shoves them all in the dirty water and just rubs a sponge over the whole bunch in one go for a couple of seconds then whacks them in the drier.

This could be my DH! I just let him get on with it and when I wash up I'll just scrub them my way. And if I find a scabby one in the meantime I'll put it I back in the sink for him to wash up again.

I find it easier than having an argument about it. He hates washing up and we're moving and will have a dishwasher soon so I let him off until then!

Yeah, honestly if you can fit a dishwasher in, do it. We had a year without when we moved and the dishes were literally the only bone of contention between us. Not so much that they weren't being washed properly, but that we both bloody hated doing it so much they just all got stacked up and then it was even worse and it was this silent battle of wills as to who would crack first. Usually it was him cos I'm more of a lazy slattern

Now we are back to our blissful life. Life is too short to get upset and have stress about dishes if you can avoid it.

If you can't get a dishwasher though, he needs to sort it out. Or you take on dishwashing as your thing only and he takes on the entirety of another chore (or several) to balance it out. I'm shit/lazy at some household tasks so we've kind of got into the routine that some things are 'my' jobs and others are 'his' and it works better that way. Except I'm about to give birth and all jobs will be his for the foreseeable, huzzah

At this point I just say to stop and I'll do it

Which is why he does it.

He needs to grow up. Adults know how to bloody well wash up, he must see that the dishes are still dirty.

Yuk that’s gross. YANBU, floating bits of curry sauce in my coffee cup 🤢

Ok I'm sad - one of the reasons I chose my DP is because he washed up like I do. He does need training in other household chores - to which I refer him to YouTube - but he can wash up and do laundry properly.

Good cleaning makes perfect housewives.
Learnt that from Anthea Turner😀
Glasses, cups, mugs,plates, hardwear (cutlery, pans)

Me and my DP have exactly the same argument frequently. He has a total inability to see dirt on washing up, and gets annoyed when I redo it. We’re hopefully moving house to somewhere with room for a dishwasher in a few months so I’m just waiting for that to end the arguments.

This is why we bought a dishwasher, for the sake of our marriage! X

Have you room for a dishwasher in the kitchen. If so get one.

But, he's wrong btw.

Is he normally so argumentative and unpleasant? You're heavily pregnant, cooking and cleaning for him yet he blows his top if you point out he's doing a poor job of one simple task? What's his problem?

Most of the people in my family do crap washing up like this, so now I do all the washing up myself. If you have exacting standards it's not worth asking him, it doesn't sound like you'll be able to train him to do it your way. And yes, he will be happy to eat off manky gritty plates, he'll just pick off any visible dried-on food and serve your food up on it. He'll have to help you in other ways

YANBU! It's the same in my house. I'd rather just wash up properly myself.

My DH is also like this. We do have a dishwasher, but he drives me just as mad with that by not scraping things properly so the filter gets clogged with bits. If he’s washing up by hand, he’ll never actually look at things to make sure they’re clean. He also gets arsey if I point this out so I have to surreptitiously rewash things when he’s not looking. So tiring.

Also, he still can’t remember where anything goes in the cupboards, despite us having lived here for four years. Got that off my chest now

YANBU! My DH was the same, but he used cold water to wash dishes when I first met him! I am pretty meticulous when it comes to dishes so I found it completely disgusting, he didn't care. We moved to a place with a dishwasher which helps, but now the problem is how he loads the dishwasher.

Why on earth should she have to "train" him or be resigned to doing all the washing up herself? He's a competent adult, she's heavily pregnant and cooking for him fgs. Having a discussion about dirty washing shouldn't result in a blazing row!

I'm guilty of this.

I'm really impatient with the washing up. I want it to be over.

My DH is the nicest guy. He'll get a spoon/fork/plate see that it's not, erm, totally clean, and say "That's an Enta job." And he'll just plonk it in the sink and find a clean one (that he's probably done).

Luckily, he has patience for both of us :)