Washing up

[NamusChanguss]

I can't believe I'm having to post this but me and DH have just had a screaming argument about washing up

Every time he does it I have to rewash all the cutlery without fail and normally most of the rest, atleast 80% if not the whole lot. We always end up bickering about it but nothing more. I'm heavily pregnant so this probably added to my irritation but I'm in the kitchen cooking dinner and need some of the pans washed so I ask him to do the washing, he starts doing it. He fills the sink and then plonks the saucepan I just used to make curry sauce straight into it, it had remnants of sauce that he didn't bother to tip out first so the water instantly turns dark red, he then proceeds to start washing everything else in this water that's now full of curry sauce. Plates are coming out with bits of herbs from the curry sauce on. I point it out, he says it's a tiny speck and doesn't matter. I say you can't seriously think you're cleaning things putting them in dark red filthy water. He says "it's fine because there's detergent in it"

He then picks up a handful of cutlery, literally about 4 knives, 4 forks, 4 spoons and shoves them all in the dirty water and just rubs a sponge over the whole bunch in one go for a couple of seconds then whacks them in the drier.

At this point I just say to stop and I'll do it, because I'm only going to redo them all now I've seen how he's washing them anyway. He says I'm overreacting and to just let him get on with it. I ask again to stop and he snaps at me saying to stop being so irrational.

He finishes and goes into the living room, so I start rewashing as yet again everything is filthy, not one thing is cleaned properly. He comes in and says to stop or we're going to fall out, so I tell him just to leave me and next thing I know we're having a blazing row.

AIBU? I know we're both being unreasonable to let it become a big fight, but seriously?!?! He does this every time he washes up. He can't seriously think it's ok to put these filthy things back in the cupboard. Are all men like this?!?!

My dp does the same all the time. Usually bolognese in our house. He'll wash a pan that he hasn't scraped out properly and then wash glasses in it. Really Ps me off. I've gone on at him that much that he is improving but it's just laziness.

I had a lodger once who was like this. You'd find dried up pieces of spinach on plates that had been 'washed'. I gave up talking to her about it because it didn't change anything, she was only staying for a few months, and she was paying.

My first thought would be to just do all the washing up, as long as he does all of something else to make it balance, but then I'm wondering whether if he does a half-arsed job of washing dishes he also does a half-arsed job of vacuuming or laundry or whatever.

It's worrying how few people know which order to wash things up in.
I have no idea who taught me. It seems obvious.

Nobody taught me to wash up either and I used to be very bad at it. Now I'm very picky indeed. If you scrape and soak things first and then rinse them in clean water after washing, you get much better results.

Planning to have a dishwasher in my next house though.

Surely you don’t need to ‘remember’ the order in which you wash things up?! You look at them and start with the cleanest working up to the dirtiest - I’m pretty sure my dad explained that to me when I was about 6!
My DH thinks the washing up fairy does it... he will load the dishwasher then leave the few things that can’t go in it on the side - drives me bonkers!

A dishwasher saved our marriage.

Though I had reached the conclusion that if he does shit washing up I will serve his food on the plates without rewashing. (Whilst washing mine properly)

We dont have a dishwasher and no space for one, everything has to be washed by hand. I have to rinse everything in hot water as the aftertaste of soap left on dishes makes me gag. I can taste Fairy in my food.

After 9 years of nagging and pointing out dried food left on dishes DH has finally become better at washing. But for some reason there is water absolutely everywhere after he's done. Still working on that one. I have to say DS (9) does a cleaner job than him.

Why don't people just have a fucking dishwasher in this day and age. Even the worktop ones are really good these days if you have no under counter space.