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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To start a midwifery degree with small children?

28 replies

WellErrr · 31/01/2019 14:36

As title really! :)
Are there any midwifery students here? How hard is it really? How full on? Like worse than a full time job or not as bad?

I have three children under 7. Feeling v guilty about leaving them :(

Would really appreciate any views! Thank you.

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 31/01/2019 14:41

It is a big commitment both in time and emotion. I am an ex-midwife. You have a busy life with three little ones. Would you be doing a direct entry course? The profession is in a bit of a state at the moment due to staff shortages which means that many midwives are upset that they cannot give the quality of care that they would like as they are too stretched. I saw this first hand when my daughters had babies. There is the study of course but the biggest issue you are going to have is childcare and shift work. I am not saying dont do it, but maybe there is an interim, less demanding job just until your children are older. I returned to study when my youngest was 10 and it wasnt easy

WellErrr · 31/01/2019 14:51

Thank you. I’ve already got a place, it’s childcare that worries me.
I just feel so guilty as it’s just something I want to do. I don’t work now and I don’t need to tbh, I’d just be doing it for me.

Really struggling to find out the realities of it, as everyone I ask just says it’s awful and you have no life at all and no time to do anything and your life basically just goes on hold, which I just find hard to believe tbh. Or am I being naive!?

OP posts:
WellErrr · 31/01/2019 16:47

Anyone else? :)

OP posts:
Seline · 31/01/2019 16:48

My mum did her nursing when I was 10 and regretted it. Hard work for very little pay, crappy management, awful hours and less time with our family.

reallyanotherone · 31/01/2019 16:52

I would also think about the realities of the job.

I know many women who managed the course, but when it came to work experience and working managing childcare and shifts was all but impossible and the ended up quitting.

Do you have a partner or reliable evening/overnight/weekend childcare? Is there someone to do nursery/school pick ups if you’re on a late shift? Drop off if you’re not home from nights until 9am?

NicoAndTheNiners · 31/01/2019 17:00

It's worse than a full time job.

It's like you're working a full time job inc long shifts (don't under estimate how knackering they are, you spend any days off wanting to flop/sleep), weekends and nights and at the same time as this studying for a degree. Because you have assignments to write, presentations to prepare, background reading, pre lecture reading, etc.

You will miss various stuff such as Xmas plays, parents evenings, sports day. But that's the same when you qualify.

You get no say in your off duty. You work what you're told to work with minimal exceptions allowed. You don't get much notice of your shifts. It's not uncommon halfway through one week to be screaming for off duty for the next week so you can sort out childcare.

You need a supportive family because no childminder opens early enough to allow you to drop them off before a long day or an early or stay open late enough to allow you to pick them up at the end of a long day or late shifts. You will need childcare in the holidays for when you're on night shift as you can't work all night and entertain kids all day.

But with good support it's doable.

There will be weekends when the kids want to go somewhere/do something and you have an assignment you need to write. Plenty manage, but equally plenty drop out because they under estimate how hard it will be.

NicoAndTheNiners · 31/01/2019 17:01

I didn't read a book unless it was a midwifery textbook for 3 years. Barely watched any tv either. So yes, I'd say your life is on hold.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 31/01/2019 17:06

Are you married/partnered or a lone parent? If you have someone there who can basically parent your children night and day until they’re grown then it’s fine. If you’re a lone parent with no family support then expect to pay all your wages out in childcare and be so exhausted when you aren’t home that you’re little use to your children.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 31/01/2019 17:06

are home

Dreamingofkfc · 31/01/2019 17:06

Worse than a full time job! I had a baby during my training and going back with a baby was tricky. It's full on. The university work was so hard. Have you worked in healthcare before?

BanginChoons · 31/01/2019 17:37

It's hard work but for me it is so worth it. Everything Nico said is true for me too, apart from the bit about family support. I manage as a lone parent without family nearby. I'm constantly juggling balls but now in 3rd year so the end is in sight.

I am a person who has always worked in minimum wage jobs so even the starting wage as a band 5 is higher than I have ever earned.

Don't underestimate how much of your life will be dedicated to it for the next 3 years, but I honestly don't feel like I never see my children.

diz29 · 31/01/2019 17:37

Mine were not school age when I started, had a partner a home all night for night shifts and a childminder during the day. I received 85% of my childcare costs through nhs bursary.

It was ok, kids went to bed, I studied. First year was fine and split into four modules. Second year was grim, all the complications of pregnancy and it looked like the course would never ever end! Also became a single parent, bye bye night cover! Uni and clinical practice facilitator were fab in helping me change shifts. But you do need to ask for help, nothing is offered.

Third year flew by in a blink of an eye and all of a sudden I was qualified and I looked back thinking “how in gods name did I actually manage that”

Uni lectures were all uploaded online and you could read them at home and still get the hours (you have to complete a certain amount of combined uni/placement hours to pass the course) however if you failed an assignment and they found you were not turning up then you would be in the shit! However was handy for emergency childcare!

I went to all my kids plays etc when they starte school, I took a year out so took me a year longer when I broke up with ex! Just put a request in on my off duty, I think we were allowed 4 a month! The uni also tried (not always successfully) to match up our holidays with general school holidays.

Worst come to the worst I wouldn’t think twice of pulling a sicky during half term if no childcare (shock horror) but you do what you do to get by!

It’s the hardest but most rewarding thing I’ve ever done, don’t regret a minute of it - it’s a passion though and not for the faint hearted, you’ll know pretty soon into placement if you have made the right decision or not!

Last piece of advice, while waiting for uni applications etc look into volunteering or getting a job as a maternity support worker, it will give you a chance to save a bit of cash while seeing the true demands of the job!

WellErrr · 31/01/2019 17:40

Thanks all!

I’m from a farming background so I’m used to back to back night shifts and looking after children during the day.
I’m married but my DH works very long hours. Childcare is a worry but once I qualify I’d hope to do part time nights? Then I could sleep whilst they are at school.

Think I’ll just have to start and give it my best shot!

OP posts:
WellErrr · 31/01/2019 17:45

Thanks so much diz!

With 4 off duties a month I don’t see why I’d have to miss every school play etc? This is what I don’t understand! And on placement doing 3 long shifts, you get 4 whole days off??

I am probably just being massively naive and will look back on this thread with a wry smile in a year’s time...I suppose I’m just fed up of people telling me that I’ll never see my children or husband or have any kind of social life or free time at all.

OP posts:
Monr0e · 31/01/2019 17:46

Congratulations on your offer

I'm a third year student, my 2 are 12 and 8. Robust flexible childcare is an absolute must. Depending on your uni you will either be doing integrated or block placements. Either way you need to work the hospital shifts which are usual 7/7.30am starts, 13 hour shifts, nights etc. Although some trusts are flexible and let you choose what shifts you want to do some don't and you could find yourself on 4 weeks of nights.

It is extremely full on, I've just started a 6 week placement which involves working full time while preparing a 30 minute presentation on my days off. You often have assignments due at the same time.

It is doable though. One on our cohort has 4 dcs, her youngest was 9 months when she started. Another had 8 month old twins, they are both still on the course. The highest drop out rate seems to be for mental health reasons, it can be quite difficult at times, good support is vital. Good luck

NicoAndTheNiners · 31/01/2019 17:51

I don't understand what you mean by 4 off duties a month.

You work full time hours when you're on placement so 37hours a week. You might do 3 long days (although you'd be short an hour every week) or your mentor might work short shifts. You work what your mentor works.

When you qualify it's naive to think you could ask to work part time nights. Did you see the thread on here about being forced out of midwifery? People don't get to specify what shifts they work and it's very unlikely you'd be allowed to work only nights. I've never worked in a trust which allows it. A lot of trusts don't allow part time work any more especially for newly qualified as you have to get through your preceptorship. And personally I wouldn't have found sleeping while kids are at school only enough sleep. You wouldn't get to bed until after 9am, probably not sleep until 10am. Set the alarm for 3pm and you'd wake up a few times between. Day sleeping is the pits. You'd be knackered. Some people manage it I guess.

NicoAndTheNiners · 31/01/2019 17:52

You say childcare is a worry, have you got a plan for the 3 years?

Rulerruler · 31/01/2019 17:55

I started the course (worked extremely hard to get the relevant qualifications needed and worked in a hospital as an HCA for care experience) - but quit after 6 months after becoming disillusioned with midwifery as a career. The shifts were a complete killer, jumping from one patient to another, no feeling that patients were not getting the standard of care they deserved, an unpleasant staff culture - there were many, many reasons I gave it up. As it turned out I was the first of five in my cohort who quit before the end of the 1st year and only 7 were taken on.
Good luck to you and I really, really hope you have a better experience than me.

WellErrr · 31/01/2019 17:57

Going to just wing it between childminders and friends to start with. We’ve had au pairs in the past though so will do that again if needs be.

Personally I would find 6 hours broken sleep plenty, given that there’d be 4 other nights to catch up. I think like you say, everyone is different, I’ll just have to start and see how we go.

If it really is as dreadful as people say though I will be so disappointed as I’ve worked so hard for years to get in :(

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 31/01/2019 17:58

My mum did nights (as a midwife) until I was around 10. She would get in in the morning about 8:30 (later if there had been an emergency or traffic was bad) just as we were heading out to school then we had a childminder pick us up from school and watch us until dad got home around 6 at which point mum was showering and heading off to work again. Weekends were spent whispering and tiptoeing around the house so as not to wake the exhausted bear.

Monr0e · 31/01/2019 18:00

Yes, with your preceptorship we need to plan for at least 4 or 5 years of working hospital or community shifts not of your choosing. And even then it's very unlikely you will walk into a job that fits completely around you.

I have found it manageable though. Your free time becomes more precious so we make the most of them (I'm long days for the next 3 😔) My placements have been understanding and if you don't take the kids will let me swap the odd day so I can go to school events, birthdays etc. If you want it then go for it, it really does fly by, cannot believe I qualify this year already.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 31/01/2019 18:00

OP do your friends know they will be your ad hoc childcare?

Monr0e · 31/01/2019 18:01

If you don't take the piss! My phone obviously doesn't like swearing

reallyanotherone · 31/01/2019 18:04

*Going to just wing it between childminders and friends to start with. We’ve had au pairs in the past though so will do that again if needs be.

Personally I would find 6 hours broken sleep plenty, given that there’d be 4 other nights to catch up. I think like you say, everyone is different, I’ll just have to start and see how we go*

Good luck with that :).

You may find it doable in the short term, but when you’ve been surviving on so little sleep for years it gets to you. It’s why i gave up.

Imagine the exhaustion of the newborn phase lasting 10 years.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 31/01/2019 18:08

Personally I would find 6 hours broken sleep plenty, given that there’d be 4 other nights to catch up.

Don’t underestimate how much night duty fucks up your sleep pattern. You may find you can’t sleep at all the first night off and aren’t able to keep your eyes open after lunchtime the following day. Seriously, years of that really does take its toll.