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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU with MIL selling my lent items?

73 replies

Reallyevilmuffin · 31/01/2019 12:12

We live a fair distance from the MIL. DP told me about 2 years ago that her MILs fridge had broken and they didn't have one. They were coming down for a visit so I offered them my own Guinness branded fridge (you know the glass fronted ones you see in bars) that I had spent a decent amount of a while back and was using at the time in the living room as I thought it was the nice thing to do. I definitely said to DP that we could lend it for as long as they needed but admittedly no idea what DP said to MIL.

I did forget about this and it was never mentioned to me when we were at MILs or she was here. I really liked that fridge and wanted it back as it was surprisingly good sized and effective, and looked nice. DP got a notification through that she sold it on sphock for like £40, and it was listed as sold by the time my DO got the message that friend X is selling a new item.

She has form and has sold items we have given her before, but they were only a little CF as we didn't want them anyway so I wasn't really bothered. But the fridge I actively wanted back. AIBU to be really pissed about this? It happened a couple of months ago but I just keep getting annoyed about it. Bizzarely she has bought a second white fridge for her living room area as well which just looks weird.

OP posts:

Brigante9 · 31/01/2019 14:38

We used to have a fridge in the living room. There was no room for a large fridge/freezer in the tiny kitchen. We fell in love with it on the bus back from Brixton. It had the New York skyline on it with the twin towers. It looked very cool in our living room, wooden floor, massive 8 foot mirror opposite. It was our drinks fridge and used lots when we had guests.

Jux · 31/01/2019 14:39

She should replace it with a new one. If your dp can't speak to her to say so then you should - MIL, I only lent you that fridge and I wanted it back when you no longer needed it. Please replace it, there's one for sale here costs X.

Ellisandra · 31/01/2019 14:39

I don’t think your MIL is definitely in the wrong here.

you don’t know what your girlfriend said to her
whatever she said, in 2 years its easy to forget
you’ve happily accepted her selling stuff you gave her before, so you’ve given her the impression that once it’s hers, it’s hers.

Now even if I were clearly given a fridge I’d not want to profit from it. Especially more expensive items. But that’s me. Some people are forever giving stuff around, and no-one keeps track.

I wouldn’t do as she had done / but I don’t think it’s so bad after TWO YEARS.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 31/01/2019 14:42

Why did everyone think DP was a man even when it was clear she wasn't?

And why do you have a fridge in your living room?

diddl · 31/01/2019 15:03

"Where's the 'Only on Mumsnet' thread when you need it?"

Ok, I might have been being a bit lighthearted with the thank you gift-but really, you don't think that people try to give stuff back asap?

Original poster

Reallyevilmuffin · 31/01/2019 15:05

Yes, it is my MIL, DPs Mother. Yes it is one of those fridges you posted above, the amazon link one - actually graded as a fridge.

It is something I had from when I lived in hospital accommodation as there was minimal spare room in the communal fridge. It moved to the man cave in our house, but then got moved to the living room in place of a coffee table. It is actually very practical - our at the time 5 year old was wanting to be more independent and liked getting her own drinks, but could reach up into the proper kitchen fridge without standing on a chair.

After an accident of falling off the chair we moved it to the living room so she could get her own drinks easily and who doesn't enjoy having a cheeky can every now and again without leaving the warm living room? Whilst it was there it was actually great as it heated it up quite nicely allowing us to leave the heating off until december.

I had missed it somewhat, although our child was now tall enough to use the main fridge without a chair with careful stacking so it wasn't a big need. I had asked DP to ask for it back a couple of times but nothing that I know ever came of it.

We never specifically were told about the other items that were sold, she asked if we wanted things previously and then we gave them to her, and like this noticed as DPs sphock app gives a notification if she sells anything as they are facebook friends. I don't use sphock.

This is the only thing that we offered. I thought it would be a nice gesture as DP does not have a great relationship with her anyway.

I to be fair was looking more for a cathartic release rather than anything else. But I have been more forgiving of her than DP for other transgressions, but this I am struggling to forget as it is just so CFery to me!

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 31/01/2019 15:08

I don’t u derstand why nothing was said at the time. It was sold but no handed over when you got a notification. You could have got her to cancel the sale.

AfterSchoolWorry · 31/01/2019 15:22

DP does not have the mental strength to speak to the MIL about it (she is only recently out of the mother and baby unit) but I am still super super pissed off about it

Do you mean your DP just arrived home with a new baby?

If so, I wouldn't follow it up at the moment. It doesn't really seem the appropriate time. Especially if it upsets your DP!

Original poster

Reallyevilmuffin · 31/01/2019 15:50

Our twins are now 8m old from when they were 3-6m she was in the mental health unit with them. DP didn't want to kick up a fuss and I agreed at the time, but I am still very annoyed by it now.

OP posts:

Omzlas · 31/01/2019 16:02

So ask her for it back. "Oh. You SOLD it!? Ok. It's £x for a new one, here's the link. Which branch shall I collect it from after you've paid for it by card?"

Stop letting her get away with it and stop lending her things.

AfterSchoolWorry · 31/01/2019 16:02

Yeah, I'd definitely leave it. I hope your DP iba doing better now.

diddl · 31/01/2019 16:40

Why would you asking for something of yours back that had been lent be "kicking up a fuss" though?

DemelzaPoldarksshinerrefiner · 31/01/2019 23:47

I’d write it off, in deference to my partner’s mental wellbeing - there’s enough to deal with day to day with 8 mo. old twins without kicking up shite on something that’s gone already. With the proviso that NO further assistance will be forthcoming in the future : no matter how much wheedling/whining occurs! I do think it was a classic CF stroke - be as annoyed as you like privately, it’d rankle me tbh.

Tinkerbell89 · 31/01/2019 23:58

She needs to replace it with an exact same model that's new. Wasn't hers to sell and she should have offered it back to you. I'd be seriously angry. It's theft but would be a civil matter. I wouldn't lend her anything else and request any items she has of yours back.

Singlenotsingle · 01/02/2019 00:04

Is it worth rocking the boat over a fridge? You can get a second hand one on EBay for £50. Just don't lend anything to her again.

Gth1234 · 01/02/2019 00:30

Seriously, in the great scheme of things, the value of a fridge is not so important. Just never give/lend her a thing in future. The biggest issue is your DP's future relationship with both you and his mother in a way that you are happy with.

Gth1234 · 01/02/2019 00:38

Not sure I have the sexes right here. I assumed op was female, and partner was male, and it was partners mother. No matter, your future relationship is more important than the fridge.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/02/2019 01:02

YANBU to be pissed off but I think you and your DP need to take a bit more responsibility on this one, because you could have said at any time "oh any time you don't need that fridge any more, MIL, let me know and I'll come and fetch it back - I love that fridge" or something like.

So your unwillingnness to say anything has potentially contributed to her thinking she could do what she liked with it. I agree it was bang out of order, and she shouldn't have done it, but you knew she had form for it, so you should have taken more care to make sure she knew NOT to sell it.

I am sorry for you that she has done it though - I'd be hopping mad too.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/02/2019 01:06

And actually, since you don't want your DP to get stressed over it (understandable) I think in this instance I would talk to her directly and say that you want the money for your fridge, since you will now have to buy a replacement.
As others have said, if she keeps getting no consequences to her actions, she'll keep doing it!

So ask her for the money.

justilou1 · 01/02/2019 01:34

No more loans and tell her why.

BertrandRussell · 01/02/2019 01:53

So your wife has been in a mental health unit for 3 months and is recently home with twin babies, you have a 5 year old and you’re on Mumsnet in the middle of the night worrying about a fridge you’ve not had for 2 years and admit you forgot about anyway? What else is going on here?

altiara · 01/02/2019 09:15

Maybe your DP hated the fridge and said MIL could get rid of it as by now you’d forgotten about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

altiara · 01/02/2019 10:00

Maybe your DP hated the fridge and said MIL could get rid of it as by now you’d forgotten about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

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