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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be massive and think people should be a bit more considerate

41 replies

reign · 30/01/2019 21:49

As the title suggests, offer me a seat in a meeting thats over capacity, offer to make me a drink if they are getting one anyway, let me exit the building without fear of being stuck in a stationary revolving door (seriously).

I'm very pregnant with twins, I was a size 8 pre twins and now honestly struggle to remove myself from a chair/stand as I'm certain I've quadrupled in the amount of area I take up.

Some people are lovely, but others are just unhelpful/in the way I know women have been having babies for all of time but still :(

OP posts:

Fleetwoodsnack · 30/01/2019 22:04

Have you tried asking for a chair? You don't know what other people have got going on, either ask or have a chat with your boss if you know you're going to a busy meeting. Ask them to keep you a seat. Problem solved.

I don't get the revolving door thing, and I'm guessing you're still able to make your own drinks.

QueenEnid · 30/01/2019 22:08

YANBU Op. congratulations on your twins ❤️
Some people just don't even think. A bit of kindness goes a long long way.

Pinkkahori · 30/01/2019 22:09

I have a lot of sympathy for you. My size 6 friend had twins a few months ago.
She was huge towards the end. They were good size babies (6lbsish) for twins and she has a tiny frame.
She was extremely uncomfortable and the babies were lying awkwardly.
I think people would be more accommodating if they stopped to think but people are often busy and caught up in their own lives.

Original poster

reign · 30/01/2019 22:12

I didn't know the meeting was going to busy, I went straight from one meeting to another and the meeting started as soon as I arrived. Just extremely uncomfortable standing still.

As for the drink think its more just having to get out the chair, generally finding it hard to 'carry the bump'.

Its an automatic revolving door if you touch it, it stops going so two regular sized people can go through at once one pregnant me with bags can go in, but not with someone else who follows behind and huffs every time it stops.

OP posts:

DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS · 30/01/2019 22:12

How many weeks are you?
Maybe you don't look as big as you feel.

Original poster

reign · 30/01/2019 22:15

Thanks everyone!

31 weeks - feel like I'm going to burst only comfortable lying on my side!

Everyone assumes I'm 9 months with 1 baby at this point and has done for a while.

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 30/01/2019 22:29

Oh MATE! It will be over soon, honest.

And then you'll have all the fun of finding out how inconsiderate, exasperated and rude people can be when you're trying to move around in the world with baby twins in a double buggy...

moofolk · 30/01/2019 22:36

Oof I feel your pain.

I was tiny and then had two 7lb twins. Jesus I was huge and felt every ounce of it. It's so tiring just getting up.

But hey, as Reanimated says, you'll have the joys of everyone getting n your way and you will suddendly notice how many people park on the pavement and on dropped kerbs.

But life is special for twin fams. Lie on your side and chill when you can. And vent often!

mrwalkensir · 30/01/2019 22:40

31 weeks with twins - even the most worried person about not being politically correct must be able to see your physical discomfort def YNBU

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/01/2019 22:44

Maybe start asking for what you want / need. I get that’s hard.

Singlenotsingle · 30/01/2019 22:46

I used to just ask " Would you mind letting me have your seat please?" (On the tube) "You wouldn't want me falling on you..."

Original poster

reign · 30/01/2019 22:52

Hard to do at work already feel like 'the pregnant one' because I am, found the meeting particularly hard as a business environment and didnt want to be seen to be being unprofessional/undermining.

OP posts:

steppemum · 30/01/2019 23:00

I think that at the meeting it is totally reasonable to say - excuse me, but could I please have a seat?
If there is no seta forthcoming, I would leave the meeting.

I don't think that is being precious, it is impossible to stand for any length of time in your condition

Fleetwoodsnack · 30/01/2019 23:02

Its not unprofessional to ask for a seat. Its unprofessional to keel over because you haven't asked for a seat.

Other people being polite and thoughtful is nice and l, but just ask! They'll be caught up in something and won't even have though.

MidniteScribbler · 30/01/2019 23:03

Asking for a chair is fine.

Telling the person trying to squish into the door with you that you'll get stuck is fine.

Expecting people to wait on you because you chose to get pregnant is not fine.

mumtobe2019 · 30/01/2019 23:06

Honestly, I’ve been shocked in my pregnancy how inconsiderate people can be!

How long do you intend to work before starting maternity leave?

HollowTalk · 30/01/2019 23:09

You really shouldn't have been standing. Someone should have stood for you but as they were inconsiderate you should have asked outright.

I've just been reading an article in the DM about a pregnant woman who couldn't get a seat in A&E and had to sit on the floor, when some of the people there weren't even patients, they were just there with someone. I just don't understand some people at all.

HollowTalk · 30/01/2019 23:10

Expecting people to wait on you because you chose to get pregnant is not fine.

Where did the OP say that?

HollowTalk · 30/01/2019 23:11

And how do you know she chose to get pregnant? Hopefully she did, but not all pregnancies are by choice.

Fleetwoodsnack · 30/01/2019 23:12

Where did the OP say that?

offer to make me a drink if they are getting one anyway

Fleetwoodsnack · 30/01/2019 23:14

Honestly, I’ve been shocked in my pregnancy how inconsiderate people can be!

I'm shocked that pregnant women expect everyone to be aware of their every need from reading this thread. Communicate with people!

WorraLiberty · 30/01/2019 23:18

Hard to do at work already feel like 'the pregnant one' because I am, found the meeting particularly hard as a business environment and didnt want to be seen to be being unprofessional/undermining.

So put yourself in their shoes for a minute.

Perhaps they didn't offer because they didn't want to make you feel like 'the pregnant one' and didn't want to be seen as patronising by offering your tea etc?

I agree with others. Just ask, because some people feel like they can't do right for doing wrong in a work environment.

MargotLovedTom1 · 30/01/2019 23:19

I hardly think the OP is commanding people to feed her peeled grapes and fan her with palm leaves whilst she lies back bellowing "All hail your fecund queen".

Just, you know, if you see someone who is visibly awkward and uncomfortable getting up and down, offer to make them a drink when you're off to the kitchen to make yourself one. It's hardly a chore and is a thoughtful thing to do. I also think it's pretty shit that no one even offers up a seat for you. Rude sods.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/01/2019 23:20

YANBU.
Years ago I worked with a staff member who had polyhydramnios with her first - we were all young, early 20s at best, so we used to joke with her that she looked like she had twins on board, she was so big.
But we would do our best to make sure she wasn't left standing, even though she found it hard to sit - we sorted her chair out so that she could at least perch on it, and we made sure that she got breaks when she needed them etc.

It's' humane and compassionate and bollocks to having to ask for everything - people have eyes, they can see the problem, they should have a bit more thought for others.

BejamNostalgia · 30/01/2019 23:20

Oh GOD so feel your pain. Twin pregnancy is awful, nobody can know how bad until it happens to them. I am 5ft too which makes it extra awful.

Have you ever seen Star Wars? Jabba the Hut? Great big fat bellie with tiny little useless limbs? That was me at 7 months. My two were 6.6 and 6.9lb so big lads.

I was written off work at 6.5 months, they arrived at 7 months 3 weeks. I would have been able to work much longer if it hadn’t been for the awful journey with people refusing to give me a seat. It was only a 20 minute commute but I just couldn’t do it.

I actually had a few experiences of really nice people going out of their way to help and more often than not they were teenagers or early 20s which I didn’t expect. Nando’s staff in particular were really good and without being asked would beeline over and tell me that I must not get up to get drinks, sauces, frozen yogurt etc and they would do a table service for me.

And then you have all the anxiety because prematurity and health problems are so common with twins.

It’s so, so hard being pregnant with twins, but it does pass.

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