AIBU to still feel bitter about this? And how do I move past it?

[FeelingBitterr]

DH & I have been married 8 years. I was 22 when we got married.

Basically, on the wedding day, guests were putting all our cards and gifts over on a table. The following morning, I was looking forward to sitting and opening all our gifts and presents with DH.

BIL came into our room and handed us all of our OPEN wedding cards and a bag full of cash & vouchers! To say my blood was boiling was a huge understatement.

BIL, FIL & MIL opened all of our wedding cards before the meal. Apparently this is tradition so that the best man can choose cards to read out in his speech.

Basically, at the time I completely bit my tongue. Lots of family members were in our room at the time and although I was raging, I knew there was nothing I could do to change it and I didn't want it to spoil the day.

Literally 8 years on and this makes me so upset every time it pops into my head. I never ever knew who got us what and couldn't properly thank people.

I also am quite sentimental and would have used certain money to buy things that I'd remember as being from that person.
DH and I aren't really blessed in the parents department. On both sides, they always try to make our happy occasions more about them than us and cause us a lot of upset when trying to plan things and this is just another moment of happiness that they have taken away from us.

AIBU to still be upset about this, and how can I move on without feeling this bitterness towards them?

I thought it was only cards of people that couldn’t attend that were normal to be read out.

I completely understand this, even the strength of your feelings now.

There does not seem to have been any indication that your I-Ls realised the hurt they have caused by taking control away from you in this thoughtless way or that they have felt contrite in retrospect.

Moving on is difficult without an acknowledgement from their side that they overstepped the mark - which they did. Having said that, I think you are unlikely to get closure from bringing it up with them. They would probably be dismissive and that would just make things worse.

Why don't you write a letter to them, saying what you said here but don't send it? Have a ceremonial small bonfire and burn it instead, a private occasion with just you - and your DH if you think it would help him too - present. Then find the most beautiful wedding photo of you as a couple, just the two of you, frame it and put it up on the wall - you are family to each other now and it's not right that thoughts of the family you didn't choose should continue to blight your life.

That’s such bad form what they did.
Maybe say it to them it doesn’t matter how long it was you’re feelings are valid.
I know people on mn are sick of me saying this but I got married and told no one. I just didn’t want the day ruined by my family. They still don’t know I’m married I want to preserve my happiness for at least another year.
Tell them that it hurt you and see what they have to say for themselves

@Birdie6 is right. Certainly back in the 60s reading the cards out was usual. But they never contained money!