To think that being a woman is why I was treated differently when I was unwell

[HappyShark]

NC as outing.
So I’ve been really poorly the past couple of months and it turns out I had gallstone pancreatitis; I’m actually still in hospital now after some complications with my surgery to remove the offending organ.

Anyway, I was so unwell with it... initially it was the gallstone pain which was bad enough, but then things really escalated, and for four days I was unable to eat or drink, being sick about every 40 minutes (to the point I was only bringing up stomach acid and lining).

During these four days I saw the emergency GP twice (first time given anti-emetics and told to come back if it was getting worse, second time told to take omeprazole for gastritis) and a paramedic visit (did basic obs, didn’t check eyes for jaundice, told me it wasn’t worth taking me to A&E as it would be pointless as they wouldn’t do anything), my dad eventually took me to A&E a couple of days later when I felt so bad I thought I would die, I was literally banging my head against the wall. I was still being sick constantly.

Even then, they initially checked my notes and made noises about gastritis.

Several hours later I was on a ward with a diagnosis of multiple gallstones and acute pancreatitis.

I’ve just found out a male friend of mine rang an ambulance last night with pains, and is now admitted to a ward with suspected gallstones and pancreatitis.

Am I unreasonable to suspect that one reason he was taken seriously and admitted straight away is because he’s a man?

Well my friend's dh nearly died in similar circumstances as his GP told him it was constipation and basically to go away. Twice.

YANBU this is a proven fact with many studies showing DRs discount womens pain.

It's hard to tell the reason, but I believe there is a bias against women.

I had had a major abdominal operation a day or so earlier and was advised by the nurses that it was a good idea to try standing , get upright. It would help recovery.

So I tried. Was on painkillers but trying to sit up and stand pain, the pain was unbearable. Kept trying with a nurse helping me trying to stand. I just couldn't. Swore out loud, not at her at all just like ..oh F@@#$^&* hell , I just can't!!
Not even looking at her.

Later I saw my notes and she had written very critical remarks about my refusing to stand and that I had used an expletive at her. I was trying my best to follow her advice. I found out later, my operation had been more complex and more muscles damaged. Was literally impossible I could have stood.
I felt un-believed. Obviously she could have been the same with Male patients but as an early twenties girl, who looked young for my age I felt she had no respect for me at all.

Yanbu

All the studies referred to above are very interesting.

But crucially also, as a woman, you accepted the advise not to go in sooner. The man went straight to a and e because he believed, due to everything he'd experienced in life, that it was his due.

I thought about why I didn’t insist on being taken in, especially as I’m actually quite an assertive person normally (it’s harder when I’m feeling really ill, though).

I think it’s because I’d been taken to A&E a few weeks previously with the gallbladder pain, and the doctor I saw then was so utterly rude and dismissive that I believed the paramedics when they said nobody would do anything.

Yes you are extremely unreasonable to think that.

The NHS regularly makes mistakes, so it's highly unlikely to be a male/female issue. Standards of diagnosis and care are very haphazard.

My father (male) was an emergency admission and it took several doctors and several weeks to diagnose his condition - in fact they took so long and went down so many wrong diagnoses, he was at death's door when they finally realised what it was and operated. It was a blocked bowel - all the symptoms and indicators were there for that, but for some reason they'd convinced themselves it wasn't!! In the meantime, he'd been on feeding drips and they'd even injected food into his stomach and then aspirated it out again! It was a complete fiasco.

Our best friend went to the doctor feeling sick and was told he had a flu. He died a couple days later his body riddled with cancer. Mistakes happen all the time.

Even the fact abdominal pains in women are fobbed off as 'women's pains' is suggestive the OP isn't imagining things. 'Women's pains', it seems are to be endured and not treated or even looked into..

Agree with both the anecdotes and the data suggesting this is the case. Friend of mine had skin cancer, knew what it was for a year, kept getting told by male GPs that she was "anxious" and not one would recommend her to have the necessary tests. In the end she got the tests by being a shouty pain in the butt, and lo and behold, it was of course.... skin cancer. They removed it but she'd lost a year trying to persuade them that there was more to it than anxiety.

And sometimes we are our own worst enemies too.
Warning: anecdote, n=1

I had severe abdominal pain, projectile vomiting. Took every pain killer available otc but then still got on a plane to go to a work meeting because I thought it was period pain (and that I'd look like a woosey woman if I cancelled due to a heavy period). Plane landed and I was whisked away in an ambulance to have my appendix out.

There's no way dh would have left his bed in that kind of pain!

YANBU. Studies have shown this to be the case. The idea that men are stronger and less 'pussy'ish subconsciously means we tend to believe that a man actually showing that he feels pain must be really suffering, whereas women might just be being a wimp or exaggerating for drama's sake.

In that case, judging by the histrionics and fuss my DH was making last night, I should have been calling the undertakers.

He had cramp.

I had exactly the same issue OP. Acute pancreatitis resulting from gallstones. I had been originally to the local walk in centre having to carry a bucket as I kept being sick and by far and away the most ill-looking person there, doubled up in pain. Mystifyingly I was triaged by the nurse-led team to see the nurse, even though other people saw the doctor on duty. They told me I had cystitis. I knew that it wasn't that, instinctively. Anyway ended up in full-blown A&E. Again, they thought it was ulcer or gastritis and wanted to give me Gaviscon. Luckily they did one last test that indicated pancreatitis and they moved extremely quickly after that to admit me. The A&E doctor rather sheepishly said I hadn't looked bad enough!!!!

The thing is I'm just trained to not make a fuss. But I really, really felt ill.
I don't know how to get round this issue of some people acting as if they're dying with a minor complaint while the person having a heart attack politely waits in the waiting room for their turn. I wanted to say to this doctor: I'm really not a fuss pot. I've only been to A&E twice for my own illnesses, once for a suspected miscarriage and once for the pancreatitis.

www.bbc.com/future/story/20180518-the-inequality-in-how-women-are-treated-for-pain

Bungle I have a vague memory of saying something similar to a doctor not long before I was admitted, something about how I’ve had endometriosis for 20 years so I’m used to pain but this was out of this world. Not sure if that made any difference.

YANBU

It happens again and again.
When I went to the DR for antidepressants (I've had depression much of my adult life) I had to fight to get them. When OH went, he was offered them as a first option.

Women's heart problems are overlooked and ignored, women's pain is dismissed and women's reprodutive health is still full of misinformation and myths.

Men are the "default model" of how issues present in medicine. It's a very skewed system

I would like to think you weren't treated any differently for this condition as I think it's prone to both sexes so why would they?

As an aside, I contracted Helicobacter Pylori and they thought it was gallstones or kidney stones. I was given scans and endescopy and all-sorts before they tested for HP.

I was then told to take Omeprazole for the rest of my life, as well as buy gaviscon for cooling. I'm no doctor and wouldn't ever claim to be but I didn't want to be on any medicine for the rest of my life if I didn't have to be and I spent a long time searching for another way. After a year of pain and trying various remedies none of which worked (including gaviscon which only masked the pain for a short while and never fixed it) I read some scientific papers to try and find answers. A lot of people on forums were saying buy Actimel and Benicol. Then I read that the goodness from these never reach your gut as the live bacteria mostly die out before reaching it due to stomach acid.

So on that basis I searched again!!! Then I found two doctors had written a paper and found that a Lactobacillus called 'Gasseri' was important in dealing with gut and acid issues. I searched and found something called Mega 8 Biotix which contained the usual Rhamnosis and Casei Lactobacilli. But also the Gasseri strain! And they come in an acid resistant capsule which means they get right into your gut. I tried them, always the sceptic. After 7 days I suddenly realised I had no pain! I wouldn't believe it wasn't just coincidence so I came off them. After a day or two the pain was back. I re-started and the pain went in another few days. I carried on taking one a day for a month. Then started taking every 3 or 4 days. Healed!!!! They worked in healing my messy gut! I'm not saying they'll work for you and you should always speak with your doc before taking anything. But they are only friendly bacteria and they seem to have a huge following now. So much so they've gone up in price quite a bit. I get mine from Quest (the makers) on Amazon. Anyway I thought I'd share, they may help you and I would highly recommend them. But as I say check with your own Doc first. Good luck, I hope you feel better soon. And don;t worry about whether you were taken in preference to a man. That'll just create havoc with your gut as stress is a huge factor in exacerbating a gut prob.

Hi Personal I don’t actually have any stomach/gut problems 😊

I wouldn't necessarily think it's because you're a woman. I think doctors fob men and women off regularly. There was a thread the other day and a GP said she's under pressure to not refer people. My OH got ignored despite a few trips to the GP. Eventually he went private, there was a problem and they dealt with it quickly. Also some doctors are just better than others at identifying things than others. I hope you are feeling better soon.

YANBU

I was dismissed by three nurses and two doctors as not trying hard enough to cough after a throat operation. Almost died from suffocation due to a blood clot. Struggling to imagine them dissing a man the same way. Still waiting on the apology too.

I don't think YABU OP. I think there is more than a shred of truth in what you say. As an example,my DD was very ill 10 years ago ago. She was in so much pain,and being violently sick every 15 minutes,that our GP instantly suspected kidney stones,and told us go straight to the hospital. Once there,she was told that it was 'food poisoning' or a 'stomach bug'. So food poisoning and stomach bugs cause extreme pain in your lower back and blood in your urine? It was only when she passed out from the pain that a doctor took her seriously. But even then,she was only given paracetamol for the pain! Anyway,fast forward 8 years. Her DH had similar symptoms. They went to the same hospital,and not once was it suggested that it was food poisoning or a stomach bug. He was x-rayed and diagnosed with kidney stones,then was given an injection of morphine! So yes,I do think that sometimes you are taken less seriously if you are female.

Try adding in a history of mental health problems and no chance of them listening to you.

I've had stomach pain for weeks, stomach not emptying properly, losing weight, being able to eat once a day and I get dismissed as suffering from stress. I'm actually in a pretty good place mentally right now, and I don't normally get stomach pain when I'm stressed anyway.

I've tried those probiotic drinks and bought kefir and no difference, I'll try the other probiotic tablets and see if they make a difference.

YANBU
this is why I was left to rot desperately ill and struggling to look after dd with my uterus - the size of a planet - poisonining me. Hysterectomy last year privately.

Then there was my trip to a&e a couple of weeks ago. I was told to go to a&e by a pharmacist and nhs direct. A man arrived after me with exactly the same symptoms. (I heard him speak to the reception team as I was queuing for the nurse). He was bumped and seen after an hour while I waited 2. Idk what the outcome for him was. I was told by the nurse I don’t have a hernia. Dh and I left in the end as we could see it was pointless. Standing room only by the time we left.

Weeeell had the scan, saw the consultant privately and transferred immediately to a hospital bed awaiting op for incisional hernia, which is causing me a lot of pain and issues, large swelling. If it doesn’t happen tomorrow I’m being booked in a few weeks and drug cocktail in the meantime as I’ve coped ok on morphine etc.

news.yale.edu/2019/01/24/yale-psychologists-find-adults-take-girls-pain-less-seriously
^ Read short article about bias study from Yale.

Yes and no. Obviously the studies have found that there is a big bias. But my mums DP almost died of a ruptured bowel despite attending a&e twice times in horrendous pain and being sent home each time. So it does also happen to men!

*2 times that should say

Women are routinely being given nothing but paracetamol post c section. Says it all really.