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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong? Please tell me!

47 replies

chillipip · 30/01/2019 12:07

This is going to be a long one!

In early October last year me and my friend were talking and she told me how she hated where she lived (south) and wanted to come live up here (midlands) but had no money to rent somewhere so I asked if she wanted to come live with me and my mum until she has enough to move out. Mum was all okay with this and everything went smooth for a few months, she got a job but lost it within a few weeks.

Took her from early November to early Jan to find a new job. (I had also been looking and applying and had lots of interviews and I had even less experience than her! So I'm sure she wasn't looking very hard or at all). During the time she didn't have a job the house was disgusting, my mum is disabled and bed ridden so I take on the house chores. But because I was working my friend told me she would help out with cleaning, cooking, washing up etc. I would leave at 8.30 for work, come home and there would be the duvet on the floor in the living room, pillows everywhere, dirty plates, clothes, piles of washing up in the sink and if I didn't do it, no one would! She would invite our friends round without letting me know and sit downstairs and smoke in the kitchen with them, I did bring this and the tidying thing up many times but she's a hard person to confront.

She left to go visit her family mid January and was meant to return today, but while she was there she visited a old boyfriend who has rape convictions and is in general a very nasty person. She has been staying in a hotel with him, slept with him and told me she's seeing him and all feelings have come back and I told her that I really didn't support that and I didn't want that coming to my doorstep.

She wasn't happy about me saying that and proceeded to slander me on social media saying that I'm cheating on my partner, my partner goes through my phone and is a psychopath, she's turned people against me so I'm getting vile messages that I don't even want to repeat, she's also been getting people to screenshot messages with me and sit and laugh at them in a group chat. After all that I simply said I don't want her coming back to live here, and if she was to come back, I would leave. She told us she's not coming back and told my mum I should pay to get all her things sent to herConfused

I've had her mum and her sister message me saying that she's distraught and I've ruined her life and she has no one and nowhere to go and I'm left looking like the bad guy. I know I'm wrong somewhere but I just would like to know peoples opinions!!!

OP posts:
ErickBroch · 30/01/2019 12:30

Shocking. I would inform 101 that you are being harassed, which you are. Screenshot and save everything, tell her that you have gone to the police. I wouldn't bin her stuff as that can come back to you, but I'd bag it all up and leave it somewhere out of sight for now.

Original poster
chillipip · 30/01/2019 12:33

I feel like that would waste police time. I know that I'm okay and she's other side of the country, just making me feel abit crap that people I wouldn't even consider friends are messaging me telling me how awful I am. All her stuff is in a cupboard in my room until she can come and collect it

OP posts:
SuzieBishop · 30/01/2019 12:37

I would get her stuff out of your house and into a friends house ASAP so you don't have to deal with her again. She sounds like a nasty piece of work, after you helped her out!
Also your friends don't sound like very nice friends at all. Sorry OP.

misskatamari · 30/01/2019 12:39

She sounds bloody terrible. She's no friend. Get rid and get her out of your life, and id be sacking off other "friends" she's laughing about it with too.

Original poster
chillipip · 30/01/2019 12:42

@SuzieBishop any friends I had are now her friends! I wouldn't want anything to do with them anyway. I just feel like I'm being punished for not wanting to live with someone that is trying to make my life a misery

OP posts:
TooTrueToBeGood · 30/01/2019 12:45

She took the piss out your generosity and she's shown herself to be a thoroughly nasty person. Just cut her (and any friends that colluded in bullying you) out of your lofe. The dust will settle in time.

Dragongirl10 · 30/01/2019 12:46

Op how horrible for you...if l were you l would put your post above on social media for all to see, email it to her friends and family.

Then cut contact. you deserve much, much better.

Apple103 · 30/01/2019 12:47

Yanbu what a nasty person she is. She basically used your generosity and took advantage. Good riddance to her and all the people who support her. Her mother and sister should take her in then as they have so much to say. Dont worry, that perfect match shes with is going to hurt her , shes not going to have any good people to turn to and she will learn her lesson. Just block her, shes bad news

LIZS · 30/01/2019 12:51

Are you all very young? You did her a favour and she did not respect that. Presumably she paid no rent or contribution. Her lifestyle is her lookout, does she still have a job? Distance yourself, put her things to one side and ask her or her family to collect by a specific date. Then go nc.

Original poster
chillipip · 30/01/2019 12:52

@LIZS me and her are both 20

OP posts:
Original poster
chillipip · 30/01/2019 12:53

@LIZS and known eachother our whole lives

OP posts:
Mayrhofen · 30/01/2019 12:57

She is a nut job. Tell her you will be leaving her stuff outside the house say a week on Saturday and she needs to collect them or send a "mutual friend" to do so otherwise they will be ruined.

Never speak to her again.

kaitlinktm · 30/01/2019 12:57

I've had her mum and her sister message me saying that she's distraught and I've ruined her life and she has no one and nowhere to go

But she does - she has a mum and sister - let them sort her out and put up with her living with them.

Obviously just block and ignore her and those non-friends - pack up her stuff ready and leave it somewhere else she can collect it.

However, I am more concerned about this:

my partner goes through my phone and is a psychopath

If this is so, then I think your partner is probably a far bigger problem than your ex-friend.

Original poster
chillipip · 30/01/2019 13:00

@kaitlinktm her mum isn't having her back and I'm sure she can't live with her sister. My mum felt guilty about this but I reminded her that's she's an adult, we aren't responsible for her.

Also no, me and my girlfriend are in a LDR so her going through my phone is literally impossible, she doesn't even know the password for it. She told me she was going to make sure I had no one so tried to make things up about me cheating on her, my gf doesn't believe this and trusts me so she's failed there!

OP posts:
PopCakes · 30/01/2019 13:01

She's a horrible, selfish person and you should rid her from your house (and your life). Any normal person living rent free at their friend's mum's house would be bending over backwards to have the house sparkling and dinner on the table when their friend got back from work and would be incredibly grateful on top of that. The extra stuff she's done recently is just a huge nail in the coffin she'd already built.

Butterfly84 · 30/01/2019 13:09

She's a hideous person OP. Cut yourself off from her, block her on social media, text etc. And move on.

These 'friends' who are messaging you horrible things and laughing at you are not your friends.

explodingkitten · 30/01/2019 13:10

How horrible it is at least you now know that she and the other people weren't your real friemds. It sounds that they all get off on the drama. Just block them, forget about all of them and find some new friends. You sound like a nice and very helpful friend that can be counted on in times of need. You deserve friends who would treat you the same.

I realise that a lot of people stay in touch with school friends but I also found that I outgrew them (after moving to the next city) and made new friends after a while. It's been 21 years since I left school and I have so many really nice friends that "fit" with who I am as an adult.

Nanny0gg · 30/01/2019 13:11

So drop her stuff at her mum's. Tell her what you've done and block.

Sorted.

Original poster
chillipip · 30/01/2019 13:13

@Nanny0gg wish that was possible but I don't drive and her mum lives 200 miles from me!

OP posts:
diddl · 30/01/2019 13:14

What an absolute CF she is. I guess she's pissed off because of what you said about her boyfriend.

If you'd just said that it wasn't working & she couldn't come back she may not have reacted as she did.

That said, she's not a friend & neither are the others who believe what she has said, so like her, they are no loss.

I can't see that you have done anything wrong.

As for paying to send her stuff on-what???

kaitlinktm · 30/01/2019 13:15

@chillipip
her mum isn't having her back and I'm sure she can't live with her sister

And yet they are sending you messages making you feel guilty. It's telling isn't it that so many people who have been close to her won't have her back - no wonder they are blaming you.

So your partner isn't a psychopath then?

kaitlinktm · 30/01/2019 13:16

Sorry - just re-read my post - no wonder they are blaming you as they want to guilt you into taking responsibility for their family member. As you say, she is an adult anyway, but if anyone should look out for her it should be her own family.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 30/01/2019 13:18

kaitlinktm my partner goes through my phone and is a psychopath

I read that as being one of the slanderous accusations rather than the truth.Could be wrong though.

SuziQ10 · 30/01/2019 13:18

Putting posts up about you on Facebook .. she sounds utterly tragic.
From what you say, it doesn't sound as though you have done anything wrong.
Cut all ties with her. She's not your responsibility. Don't discuss the situation with people you mutually know. Just leave it.

Sometimes you have to leave people behind and that's fine. She's shown her true colours.

bigandbumpy · 30/01/2019 13:22

If her mother and sister feel so strongly about the 'bad turn' you've done they should put her up, feed and wash her!!!

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