Am I in the wrong? Please tell me!

[chillipip]

This is going to be a long one!

In early October last year me and my friend were talking and she told me how she hated where she lived (south) and wanted to come live up here (midlands) but had no money to rent somewhere so I asked if she wanted to come live with me and my mum until she has enough to move out. Mum was all okay with this and everything went smooth for a few months, she got a job but lost it within a few weeks.

Took her from early November to early Jan to find a new job. (I had also been looking and applying and had lots of interviews and I had even less experience than her! So I'm sure she wasn't looking very hard or at all). During the time she didn't have a job the house was disgusting, my mum is disabled and bed ridden so I take on the house chores. But because I was working my friend told me she would help out with cleaning, cooking, washing up etc. I would leave at 8.30 for work, come home and there would be the duvet on the floor in the living room, pillows everywhere, dirty plates, clothes, piles of washing up in the sink and if I didn't do it, no one would! She would invite our friends round without letting me know and sit downstairs and smoke in the kitchen with them, I did bring this and the tidying thing up many times but she's a hard person to confront.

She left to go visit her family mid January and was meant to return today, but while she was there she visited a old boyfriend who has rape convictions and is in general a very nasty person. She has been staying in a hotel with him, slept with him and told me she's seeing him and all feelings have come back and I told her that I really didn't support that and I didn't want that coming to my doorstep.

She wasn't happy about me saying that and proceeded to slander me on social media saying that I'm cheating on my partner, my partner goes through my phone and is a psychopath, she's turned people against me so I'm getting vile messages that I don't even want to repeat, she's also been getting people to screenshot messages with me and sit and laugh at them in a group chat. After all that I simply said I don't want her coming back to live here, and if she was to come back, I would leave. She told us she's not coming back and told my mum I should pay to get all her things sent to her

I've had her mum and her sister message me saying that she's distraught and I've ruined her life and she has no one and nowhere to go and I'm left looking like the bad guy. I know I'm wrong somewhere but I just would like to know peoples opinions!!!

Bag her stuff up and send her a final text saying her stuff is ready to collect and you want it gone by such and such date otherwise it's going to the charity shop. Then block her and your so called mates. Just shows how fickle and idiotic they are!

@garethsouthgatesmrs @kaitlinktm my girlfriend is definitely NOT a psychopath that's one of the things she's telling people

Take screenshots of all messages so far then block her on all social media, change your locks and to get rid of her quick I'd send her things to her mums and be done with it. I wouldn't contact her to ask where to send her things just send it all to her mother.

@bigandbumpy I really wanted to do that but she's got a phone of mine and lots of my things that she took with her to her mums (without asking) and I wouldn't want anything to happen to them as consequence

Moved in early October, everything was fine for a few MONTHS but lost her job after a few weeks which took it up to beginning of November - not sure I believe the post?

Doh - trust me to get it wrong - sorry OP.

@beanii it wasn't really written in order, but even when she didn't have a job things were okay. Do you think I have time to write things like this just for a laugh

She obviously gets her bad attitude from her mum and sister. Either of them are welcome to put the CF up on their sofas but she's definitely not your responsibility. I'd block her from all social media and my phone after I'd let her know where to pick up her stuff.

Plenty do - you say months but from October to now is only 3

@beanii no one else had a problem understanding lmao

So her Mom and sister don't want to live with her but they want to force you to? Massive issues in that family...

So sorry to see what you have been through with this "friend".
You offered her several months of rent and board free and ended up doing all her chores.
She is now abusive and hostile and getting people to harrass you.
She has dumped her stuff at your house and demands you pay to return it? More evidence of her outrageous behaviour.
I worry that she might turn up with the nutter boyfriend to "collect" her stuff and i think that you should act now to prevent that happening and shut down this abusive friend.
So if her mother's house is 200 miles away. Is there anyone "neutral" you can take her stuff to? Is there a lot of it? could you take by taxi/bus? If you could that would be a good step one.
Secondly she has stolen your stuff. End of. Do you have a list of what she took. You can and should report your phone that she took as stolen right away. So she can't use it to post things about you on facebook. You should report the theft. and the social media harrassment or ask a community police officer for advice. You are caring for a disabled mother so they should be sympathetic.
Is there someone that could go with you to go and collect your stuff? a friend who drives? After you've cut off the phone, looking at your list.. is it really valuable or worth a confrontational visit? If not. Cut your losses. Get rid of her stuff and get rid of her from your life. You sound like a kind person and were active about finding a job and getting on with your life, you should have no trouble making new friends and will be better off for it. Good luck

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff unfortunately I am left with no friends ( sounds dramatic but I didn't actually have many anyway) even people I rarely associate myself with have told me they think I'm horrid! It's about 10 boxes full of clothes, shoes, paperwork and just bits really. If I'm honest I don't care about any of the things she has, I just want someone (not her) to come and collect her things.

So everything was fine for a few months which covers, Oct, Nov and Dec. Things got bad at the beginning of Jan which coinsides with her getting a new job. Then 2 weeks later she takes off?

What things of yours does she have? Don't be held back by something. It's just stuff. It might feel like the end of the world now but these people and these things aren't important. Hugs.

Trust your instincts.

She got her stuff to you, there must be a way of sending it on.

@LIZS her mum brought it to us but she's not available to do it again apparently!

Pack up her things. Tell her she needs to arrange for a 3rd party to collect them. If she wants to collect herself then you will probably have to allow, but try to have someone else present. Don’t let her come inside, bring everything out.

I am so sorry it sounds awful. Please don't think eveyrone believes her. It probably feels like that, but it sounds like she has form for this kind of behaviour and it will out and people will see it. Its a transitional time when you come home from uni and quite a shock to the system. Things will get better. Put this behind you. Keep looking for work that you enjoy and try to make new friends and develop new interests whereever you can. You sound lovely and dont deserve this. Let the stuff she has from you just go .. you wouldnt want ti back now anyway. Tell her to collect her stuff so you can both move on.
The key phrase is "people I rarely associate with" ie people who don't really know you and you don't often see or need to see ... so forget them. They don't matter. I'd be really surprised if they care about your friend and her so called problems as you think. They are probably too busy thinking about their own problems. If they are that rubbish, no harm and all good in starting again fresh and making much nicer friends. Keep busy, and best of luck xx

she's got a phone of mine and lots of my things that she took with her to her mums (without asking)

That's called theft where I'm from.

I'd report both this and the slander to the police, or at least threaten to, if you think it'll get your stuff back.

So she stole from you as well?

She sounds like a nasty piece of work.