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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long it took for you to feel comfortable in a new home?

30 replies

MamaBear2181 · 30/01/2019 09:28

Hi,

I lived in my last home for 7 years approx. I moved in as a single mum with my three children who were quite young at the time. We went through a lot there and although the house or the area weren't very good it was our first 'proper' home together after a turbulent few years where we finally felt settled. I had just met my OH a bit before that, but we weren't serious yet, he hadn't met the kids etc.

Over the years we fell truly in love, wanted to move into a new place together and eventually have a baby of our own once we'd set up our new house. I fell pregnant though before we managed to move so ended up spending another two years living there, whilst i was pregnant, finished my college course ( i went to retrain after being made redundant) and then spent the first 18 months of our new babys life there. We had outgrown the house, it was cramped and we were pushed for space and the garden was tiny. We lived in a city centre in a bad area and we were all desperate to move.

Finally at the end of last year, fortune fell in our favour and we got the perfect house. We moved in the first of Jan. Its got 4 bedrooms, utility and conservatory, a huge garden (its not a stealth boast i promise) and i just love it, as do the family. Its just that i feel so displaced, it doesn't feel like my home. I can't sleep properly since we moved, and i really miss the house i thought i was desperate to get out of for years. I do suffer with depression and anxiety and it might be related to that somehow but i don't feel i'm settling here at all and if i woke up tomorrow morning back in my old house i wouldn't be the least bit surprised, or possibly not even unhappy about it! Please tell me i'm being a bloody idiot and i should be overjoyed to be here! I don't remember feeling this way when we moved before as it was always such a relief. Is this just normal when you move house or AIB an U mad cow?

OP posts:
Chipsahoy · 30/01/2019 09:32

I think it's normal.
I hated my last house, ugly, damp but it was home. New house, like you, four bedrooms, utility big garden etc. Beautiful but it didn't feel like home at all.
We moved into the house in the May and I think it was August, we were in the garden and children were playing and I looked around and felt happy, it just suddenly felt like home.
Like in Paddington where the guy says that it took his heart a while to catch up, it was like that.

Give it time. Make your mark in the place, let it settle, you will love it soon enough

Donna1001 · 30/01/2019 09:42

In my last house, I never settled. We lived there for 3 years, but I was looking at rightmove for the replacement after only 6 months. When I was out, & thought about the house I actually found it hard to remember what the rooms looked like!

I never talked about that house like you talk about yours. You do sound like you really like it.

I’ve lived in my house now for a little over 3 years, & moving couldn’t be further from my mind. I love this house, & still can’t remember the rooms in the last house!

If it’s the right house for you, (& it does sound like it is) the comfort will come. Try not to worry, let it happen naturally.

MinesaPinot · 30/01/2019 09:45

We were in our old house in South London for 15 years - a large 3 bedroom semi in which, to be honest, we rattled around like two marbles in an eggbox.

For various reasons we decided to downsize. It was something we had been thinking about doing, so not entirely unexpected, but due to DH redundancy we were forced into it possibly a bit sooner than we thought.

All well and good, we found a little house further out in Kent, and were excited for a new change. Cut to a week before we were due to move, and I sobbed all night and said I didn't want to go. I was inconsolable. Obviously too late to do anything then, so went ahead with the move.

I will be honest and say it took me at least 2 years to settle and during those two years I prowled Right Move many times to see if it was possible that we could move closer back to where we'd come from. Now we go back to our old area and I wonder what I ever saw in it.

Hang in there OP, it does get better, honest, and you will look around one day and feel that you are home...

ifoundthebread · 30/01/2019 09:57

I've lived in my new house a year this week and I don't feel settled yet. Mainly because it's a new area, had a baby, house still isn't decorated how I'd like yet. Hasn't really got our personality in it yet. Hoping once the kids are a bit older and I can get on doing some more work on the house and garden then it'll feel more like a home.

Br3adnButt3rPud · 30/01/2019 10:32

Last time I moved it took me 3 months before it felt like home.

WishIwas19again · 30/01/2019 10:45

I've been here 3 years and it doesn't feel like home. It's a renovation project though so not sure if that influences how I feel as some parts of the house are still untouched and grotty, and still another 3-5 years before we will complete everything due to finances. I don't like any of the neighbours, they're unfriendly and we have nothing in common, and I feel uncomfortable when I see them..

I loved our old house which we lived in for 10 years, a tiny little mid terrace in an inner city area where we knew all our neighbours. This 4 bed house with a big garden is perfect on paper but I can't quite put my finger on why it doesn't quite feel right Sad . I confess I check right move every day but nothing ever comes up in our budget with this space and garden so we'll probably stay as love the general area and it's great for the kids.

Moving is a big change. Perhaps give it a year to get accustomed to the new sounds and feel of your home and put your own stamp on it

MonicaGB · 30/01/2019 10:51

Took me about 3 months to settle. It felt like I was living in someone else's house. It didn't help that I moved from a fully done up place to what appeared to be an old people's home. But I got my things organised the way I like, replaced the 1980s bathroom and finally got rid of the smell of hundreds of plug-ins. Once that was done it felt like home.

I go back and visit my old neighbour and would never want to live there again, even though I was there 12 years.

whatacrapusername2306 · 30/01/2019 11:03

I didn’t like our house at all to begin with. DH loved it way more than me and could see its potential. It was only after a good 3 years + when most of the house was to my taste. Still doing little adjustments now, 15 years later. I absolutely love the house now, but looking on Rightmove is something I do all the time Grin

Ladyoftheloch · 30/01/2019 11:09

Took me a few weeks - once I had redecorated it helped a lot.

Wheresmrlion · 30/01/2019 11:10

Took me about four months to settle.

We moved just before Christmas and it wasn’t until the spring when we started exploring the area properly with post work walks that I started to feel happy there.

Plus it was a do-er upper so it was pretty overwhelming to spend all our time stripping walls for the first few months. Once the living room and bedroom were nice and the spring flowers came up in the garden I started to love it.

Give it time, it’ll be home before you know it (sounds gorgeous!)

user1493413286 · 30/01/2019 11:16

I’ve been in my current place for 2 months and still struggling to get settled. Had so many happy memories in our old place although I was climbing the walls by the end due to the lack of space, parking and stairs and our new place is perfect in so many ways and exactly what I wanted. I know that I will settle in time though and it’ll just take time

Original poster
MamaBear2181 · 30/01/2019 11:21

Thanks everyone, it does feel like I’m living in someone else’s house as someone upthread mentioned. It feels almost like I’ve been on holiday for too long and am ready to go home now! It is a lovely house though, and maybe once we’ve started decorating and such it will start to feel more homely. Everyone else in the family is really happy so I wasn’t sure if it was just me. I’m glad to hear that it seems pretty normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaBear2181 · 30/01/2019 11:25

There’s also a bit of a ‘too good to be true’ feeling about it, so I’m probably cautious about being optimistic I think too. Silly woman shakes head

OP posts:
MonicaGB · 30/01/2019 11:28

The thing to do is remind yourself daily of the reasons you wanted to move. Mine were the annoying neighbours kids running up and down at midnight and their total inability to park their car in one space. Every time I pulled up on my drive (which I can park like a total dick on and it affects no one) and went into the detached house, I reminded myself that this temporary uncomfortable feeling would go away.

I also put a message on here when I first moved (under a different name) asking if I had made a really big mistake. I think it's quite common, and probably extra common if you are a generally anxious person (like I am too).

Come the spring, when the weather improves and the flowers start coming out in the garden, you'll think this is the best move ever.

MonicaGB · 30/01/2019 11:35

Definitely get that too good to be true thing.

I was expecting something to go horribly wrong.

I had quite a lot of anxiety about not feeling I deserved the house I bought. I had a lot of people saying they wished they could live in a house like it but couldn't afford to. For some reason I felt really guilty.

It's weird how anxiety makes your brain work. Change is extremely difficult for most people. Your brain just needs that little more time to catch up.

user1474894224 · 30/01/2019 11:40

I was in my last house/home 15 years. Got together with partner. Had 3 kids together. We'd completely outgrown it. Moved 6 months ago. I miss the garden as though small was excellent for the kids and really sunny. This move is all about our kids....having a home large enough for them to grow in. In a nice area. Easy access to secondary schools etc etc. This is now home. Not perfect but ours. I still feel nostalgic about our old home....the other day we were returning from a long journey and I just thought we were going there (a sort of autopilot in my head because that's where we always go after the journey....I was thinking about putting the machine on, sitting on the sofa etc.....it didn't make me sad when I remembered we'd moved....but I would have been happy to go home there too. Although not so happy to go back to one loo!). Houses are bricks and mortar. Home is where your loving family are.

Geekster1963 · 30/01/2019 11:41

It took me a good couple of months to settle into the house I live in now. My DH was in the armed forces and we had generally been in quarters but as he was due out we bought our own house. To be honest for the first couple of months I thought we had made a mistake.

I think some of it was because we moved in at the end of November, then DD was poorly, then it was Christmas then I had a horrible bug that knocked me out for a couple of weeks. What helped me was finding a walking group and a running group at the end of the January.

I think I felt I 'fit in' more then and started to feel settled. A year on I love our house and living here and the area.

MrsWillGardner · 30/01/2019 11:44

We lived in our old house 11 1/2 years and I never really felt settled. We’d moved there with one child from a detached house in a lovely area to the complete opposite (although the area wasn’t too bad, it was very different). Whilst in that house though we extended our family and without it, we couldn’t have had those children. We moved to our new house last spring. 4 bed like you with other space we didn’t have and on a lovely quiet street. It took till around the summer to settle as I had no memories here if that makes sense. Stupid things like I didn’t know what was gonna grow in the garden in the summer but did at the old house. Now we’ve had our first Christmas here and it’s coming up to the year anniversary, it’s nice to be able to say we are settled.

LoubyLou1234 · 30/01/2019 11:47

I'm the opposite I've felt very at home in our house quite fast it just has a lovely feel to it and it's ours!

We've not decorated yet as been doing outside work and building jobs on the house. Luckily it's decorated fine for now anyway and giving us a chance to decide how we want things. We are adding furnishings along the way though (18 months later). I moved 10 miles away but to an area we both love and I'm very settled and happy.

3luckystars · 30/01/2019 12:13

I still don't feel settled after 11 years. Thanks for this thread as I am going to have to make a plan.

It sounds like you really love it, you just need time to build up the memories there. Its ok to be nostalgic about the old house, but you have moved on.

Original poster
MamaBear2181 · 30/01/2019 13:24

I still don't feel settled after 11 years. Thanks for this thread as I am going to have to make a plan.

Wow that’s a long time! I hope you come with a plan and get yourself settled somewhere you really love asap

OP posts:
hapagirl · 30/01/2019 13:32

It took me about two years. Our house was a run down but big Victorian house, very cold and leaky roof but what we could afford. DH saw the potential more than me and I was pretty down, especially the first winter. But we slowly did it up, summer came and the garden was gorgeous and a lovely place to socialize with friends etc. I used to think it was too big but we have found ways to use it to it’s full potential. Kids are happy. It’s our fifth year and I can genuinely say I love the house now.

dudsville · 30/01/2019 13:36

We fell in love with the house the moment we moved in. It felt like someone else's for a while but a change of paint on the walls and flooring and our things made it ours. Many years on we've changed bathrooms and kitchen and garden so much it is definitely ours now! I literally smile when I approach my street and my home!

Limensoda · 30/01/2019 13:45

I've been in my house for ten years and it still doesn't feel like home. It's far nicer than my last house where we lived for 26 years but that was where my children grew up and was 'home'

PopCakes · 30/01/2019 13:52

It's weird I felt similar after moving to a much nicer home that we actually owned after renting not great places for years. It can take a while OP but you'll get there.