To hate driving and want to not ever have to do it again?!

[Bellatrix14]

I really, really hate driving. For a reason that I won’t go on to on here I really need to learn to drive, but I just don’t ‘get’ it. I’ve been having lessons for 2.5 years now (two different instructors) and I’m still not at guaranteed pass level. The vast majority of my problem is nerves as opposed to lack of skills (which is what both my instructors have told me), but I don’t see myself ever being happy and confident driving. I especially hate town centres and then I get stressed and make silly mistakes. Knowing that I have a lesson in the evening spoils my whole day, and part of my problem is that I know when I do finally pass I will be expected to drive everywhere as opposed to relying on public transport. I don’t want to drive everywhere! When I think about the amount of money I’ve spent on lessons it makes me feel sick, but even taking that in to account if it wasn’t for the fact that I really need to learn then I’d just stop and be much happier and financially better off. The only other thing stopping me is that my partner drives, and while he’s happy to do all the driving when we’re together as I can’t, I doubt he’d feel the same way if it was because I’d chosen not to drive.

Has anybody really hated driving but come around to it eventually? Or has anybody else stopped their lessons and felt like they made the right decision? My instructors have both been lovely by the way, it’s not an issue with them.

Are you driving manual or automatic?

If you can, try automatic lessons. You have far less to worry about inside the car so you have more time to look at hazards and stop in time etc.

I agree about automatic! I was fine driving manual but with automatic it’s one less thing to think of. Also have more than one lesson a week.

I felt like that and it took me years to pass my test. Although with me it was lack of skills not nerves. My spacial awareness is so poor I have to concentrate a lot.

I passed my test 10 years ago and still don't love it, but I drive most days and it does improve my life having a car. I see it as a necessary skill but I don't enjoy it, it's still hard work to me!

Why do you really need to do it?
I took lessons for a year, failed my test and then stopped. When I failed my test I wasn't even upset because I just don't want to drive. It honestly ruined a year of my life. I just lived in a total state of dread waiting on my next lesson. It's not for everyone.

I took beta blockers for the nerves. An absolute game changer.

Don't give it up. You might never love driving but like XmasBaby you will just tolerate it and come to realise the advantages. If you stop now, you will look back in 10 years time and regret it, I bet you.

I don’t like driving at all. I’m a bit better now that my DH is lovely and doesn’t shout at me like ex did. Unfortunately I live in an area of very high unemployment and the only job I could find with reasonable pay and conditions is 30 miles away, no public transport available to get me there for shifts so I have no choice. When I lived in the SE I didn’t drive for 5 years - it was bliss! I’m so thankful that DH will drive me to/from work today as the weather is awful with motorway closures and I just wouldn’t be able to get in, I’m terrified of driving in snow after a very near miss around 7/8 years ago. The positive I take from it is that it allows me freedom and means I am an attractive candidate for jobs as I can pretty much get anywhere at any time (weather permitting).

I hated it. I was a bit nervous but my worst problem was that it was yet another chore. Even after I passed it was a bit like ironing. I'm perfectly capable but hate every minute of doing it. Oddly I actually enjoy driving now. I see it as freedom I stead of a chore. I'm not reliant on the whims of public transport or on anyone who gave me a lift. If I want to leave anywhere I can just go.

I could have written your post , I hated driving for years but I was motivated to do it because I want to move and need to be able to drive, I finally passed my test last month , loads of practice and keep doing the test until you pass it doesn't matter how long it takes don't give up

Op I passed 17 years ago and still hate driving.

I actually had some counselling for anxiety and driving came up. I realised I was anxious over driving not because of me but because of other people and their bad driving. Being on the phone, up my arse etc. Talking through it has helped a bit but I avoid driving if I can.
Good luck

I hated driving lessons, but am glad I persevered. I enjoy driving now, and even though I went for years without a car when I really didn’t need one, it is a useful skill and good feeling to know if it would make your life easier you could get a car. Maybe the instructor isn’t working for you? I changed a few times until I found one.

I feel your pain, OP. Your outlook is more rational than the conventional wisdom that it's a basic life skill and everyone should drive. People underestimate what an expensive, stressful, dangerous business it can be, especially in the crowded parts of the UK.
I find it amazing that it's completely normal to have people drive at you on the wrong side of the road in suburbia here (because there are cars parked all along the road and lots of drivers are in too much of a hurry to obey the most basic road rules).
You're also right about being expected to drive all the time once you have a licence. People in the UK can't understand why I'm reluctant to hop straight into someone else's car and drive on the left in a place I don't know, with different road designs and different customs.
"Oh, it's just the same, but the other way around, " they say. It's not, it's really not. I know because I see experienced, confident drivers visit me in mainland Europe and deal very badly with things they aren't used to, such as other people's double-parked cars, or roundabouts and toll booths that they don't have on their usual routes.
It sounds as if you can't avoid becoming a driver, so I hope it helps you to know YANBU and your reservations are perfectly rational.

I passed my test last August and I'm still not comfortable driving if I'm honest. I'm ok driving familiar routes but if I'm driving somewhere I don't know I get really nervous and I've even had to pull over and compose my self once because I didn't feel safe enough to drive through nerves.
Mind you this has been helped after getting my sat nav sorted, i was always worried about getting lost and not knowing where I was going.
It doesn't help that everyone around me just loves driving and makes me feel pathetic for not (my own feelings, not them deliberately making me feel like that)
I need to drive because I live in a rural area and work quite a distance away, even shopping was a nightmare on public transport so although that's easier in some way, it doesn't feel like the relief I was expecting it to, it's all still very surreal and daunting.
It's funny because I know I can drive, and I'm a good driver (I passed my test first time) so why all the nerves still?
I really want to be one of those people when can jump in their car and just fucking drive without stressing so much about it first. I'm hoping over the next few years I'll find my flow with it but until then I'll sit with you all on the scared drivers bench.

I hated it. In the end I switched to an automatic which really helped because then I only had to concentrate on the road.

I passed in an automatic which limits the cars I can drive but it's never been an issue (other than paying a bit more for hire cars). I intended to go back and do the test again in a manual once I had more experience but I passed nearly 20 years ago and simply haven't had the need to bother.

It honestly gets easier the more you drive.

If you really don't want to drive then don't, you'll be a danger on the roads. Dithering drivers are almost as bad as speeding drivers, they can be very unpredictable.

I hated driving had lessons on and off from 17-26. Got scared sick. Had 4 instructors.
Passed aged 26 after challenging myself to just do it. I booked a test and my instructor told me I'd never pass... Passed first time.
Got a car... Make some mistakes and freaked out about driving. Only drove the car twice lost a grand selling it.
Then 2 years later I split up with BD and for my ideal job (flexible working hours and no childcare) I needed to drive. Got myself an instructor I really liked and just went for it.
Im 18 months in and I haven't had my car for a week because the clutch has gone and I have bad withdrawal can't wait to have it back.
Driving has been a life changer for me and the kids and brought my confidence on so much!
And I still make mistakes, everyone does! You're allowed to make some in your test too!

Another vote for trying an automatic - my mum has an automatic-only licence and it hasn't been a problem. And although my husband passed on a manual he has never driven anything other than an automatic because his dad gave him his first car which was an automatic (FIL had problems with his knees so didn't want to use a clutch). Given that people don't even have to switch their windscreen wipers on anymore, clinging to manual cars seems very odd to me. Although we will replace one of our cars with a manual this year as ds will start driving lessons.

I would urge you to persevere. I can't imagine not being able to drive. It would limit my life enormously and would also limit my ds' opportunities to do things. It depends where you live - I guess if you live somewhere like London or Edinburgh with amazing public transport it's fine. I am not a very happy driver and don't like driving in the dark or motorway driving but am fine about town/on A roads. Sometimes I take longer to get to places because I avoid the motorway other than for short journeys but that's fine. It's still a lot better than not driving at all.

I hated it too (and still hate it and I’ve been driving for over 30 years).
It took me over 150 hours of lessons and three tries to pass my test and I honestly thought I’d never do it then one day it all just fell into place. I am so grateful I stuck with it as the independence and feeedom it gave was a godsend when DC were young. If I had given up I would have felt like a total failure and it would have knocked my confidence when trying other new things.

That being said, DC are adults now and I drive very little. I live in London so public transport is great and the car sits in the drive 9 days out of 10. But I am still so glad I persisted and have that skill.

Sounds like you've been pushed too far, too quickly. You need to take a step back and gain confidence in car handling away from other traffic. I've heard this about driving instructors before that they're too keen to throw you into the deep end and put you on busy roads, busy roundabouts etc before you're ready.

Can you not get your OH to take you driving around a large quiet housing estate or an industrial estate on a Sunday, where you'll barely see another vehicle? Just spend an hour per week, just driving around, getting fully accustomed to the car without worrying about other drivers. Practice and repeat 3 point turns, emergency stops, reverse parking, hill starts, etc. time and time again until it becomes second nature and you don't need to think anymore. Only then do you go back onto busy roads etc., but by then, you don't need to even think about the mechanics of driving, you can concentrate fully on the road, other traffic, etc.,

Maybe time to take a step back before you go forward again.

I hated having driving lessons and failed my test 4 times. All I can say is that I’m so glad I passed and got a car because of certain situations (getting someone to hospital, driving over 40 miles to be with my mum when my grandad died and she lives in the middle of nowhere so no public transport), there are complete dickheads on the road but honestly you do get used to it.
As for your fear of driving in cities, tackle it head on and try your best to get used to it. I could never drive in London but I feel comfortable in smaller cities because my boyfriend made me drive around them with him to get used to it because I dreaded roundabouts!
Don’t give up, there’s so many advantages to driving, it seems like a waste of money and time and I understand you not enjoying them, but peresevere!

I don't think I will ever enjoy driving (can't wait for a driverless car) but I have got much more confident with practice - had a job with a 1 hour commute and no public transport options. And unless you live in a city centre it does restrict you if you can't drive. I wouldn't be able to get my son to his hospital appointments on public transport because it would take about 4 hours to get there instead of a 1 hour drive.

I am due to take my test, and watching for interest. I have just been refused Beta Blockers for the driving test by tge GP, as I have asthma and he said that it coukd trigger an attack or cause my lungs to spasm.

I'm 63 years old, male, passed my test aged 17 first time, so have many years driving.
Hate driving, especially at night, especially when I don't know the road.
Last night had to negotiate a multi-lane roundabout not knowing where my exit was!
It is such an (expensive) luxury being in a taxi.
But having said this- learn to drive, OP. It is a skill everyone needs, whether they enjoy it or not.

Whilst the OP sounds line they'd be a danger to society if they were ever allowed to drive alone, I would say this much:

Driving lessons teach you how to pass your driving test. Once you've passed your test, you them learn how to drive.

The driving test was arguably the most nervous I've been in my whole life. The relief after passing was immeasurable. I bought a car shortly after and have rarely felt nervous driving side then.

So hopefully the OPs nerves are centred around the lessons/test rather than driving in general.

What kazzyhoward said, start small. Get comfortable going to local shops etc, then build up slowly. I'm driving years and there are some cities I won't drive in.